Image credit: Emily KenCairn via Unsplash
"All a poet can do today is warn. That is why the true Poets
must be truthful."--Wilfred Owen
Wilfred Owen became the unintentional Poet Laureate of World War One. In one of that war's cruelest ironies, he died on the battlefield just one week prior to the Armistice of November 1918.
must be truthful."--Wilfred Owen
Wilfred Owen became the unintentional Poet Laureate of World War One. In one of that war's cruelest ironies, he died on the battlefield just one week prior to the Armistice of November 1918.
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[NOTE: Most recent work appears at top.]
September 26, 2022
[Again, the American Model Department]
MURDERING SCHOOLCHILDREN IN RUSSIA
Russia is understandably right now in social turmoil.
But there must remain something worthy in our society
that other nations can adopt on their own soil.
Mass murder of schoolchildren is not such a variety.
[Again, the American Model Department]
MURDERING SCHOOLCHILDREN IN RUSSIA
Russia is understandably right now in social turmoil.
But there must remain something worthy in our society
that other nations can adopt on their own soil.
Mass murder of schoolchildren is not such a variety.
September 25, 2022
[“Excuse me, but when does the Good News Train arrive?” Department]
ITALY TAKES A GREAT LEAP BACKWARD
Once upon a time, Italy had a conscious classa lavora
(working class). Now it seems Italians have been Americanized:
they just elected an open Fascista, proving they’re willing to vote
against their own class interests. The world’s going to Hell,
so why not go this route? Yep, sho’ ’nuf the American Model!
[“Excuse me, but when does the Good News Train arrive?” Department]
ITALY TAKES A GREAT LEAP BACKWARD
Once upon a time, Italy had a conscious classa lavora
(working class). Now it seems Italians have been Americanized:
they just elected an open Fascista, proving they’re willing to vote
against their own class interests. The world’s going to Hell,
so why not go this route? Yep, sho’ ’nuf the American Model!
September 24, 2022
Rest in Peace and Power, Pharoah Sanders
Born Ferrell Sanders, he arrived in New York City with
the clothes on his back, holes in his shoes, and a beat-up
saxophone. No permanent address, just the street.
Peering into Jazz clubs he couldn’t afford to enter.
One night he heard the sublime sounds of John Coltrane
escaping the door, suffusing the world with wonder.
Pharoah passed the audition and thus began an ongoing
collaboration. “Angry Negro Music!” complained some fans
and critics. Blanching (get it?). Sanders would go on to
create music of great power and beauty over the decades.
“The Creator has a master plan: Peace and Happiness
thru all the land.” A 34-minute chef d’oeuvre that could
only be heard uninterrupted with the advent of the CD.
Thank you, Maestro, for what you offered to us all.
Rest in Peace and Power, Pharoah Sanders
Born Ferrell Sanders, he arrived in New York City with
the clothes on his back, holes in his shoes, and a beat-up
saxophone. No permanent address, just the street.
Peering into Jazz clubs he couldn’t afford to enter.
One night he heard the sublime sounds of John Coltrane
escaping the door, suffusing the world with wonder.
Pharoah passed the audition and thus began an ongoing
collaboration. “Angry Negro Music!” complained some fans
and critics. Blanching (get it?). Sanders would go on to
create music of great power and beauty over the decades.
“The Creator has a master plan: Peace and Happiness
thru all the land.” A 34-minute chef d’oeuvre that could
only be heard uninterrupted with the advent of the CD.
Thank you, Maestro, for what you offered to us all.
September 23, 2022
[Sometimes You Can Believe the Hype Department]
OMG, it’s true! She WAS flat-out adorable!!
Tonight I watched When Harry Met Sally for first time
in a very long time. And damn it, it’s true! Meg Ryan
was just utterly adorable!! A tad too “WASPish”?
C’mon, give the kid a break! She was born with that face,
and a face like that can’t help but make my heart ache!
Put us both in a time machine, make us much younger . . .
aw hell, who am I tryin’ to kid? She’d reject me and leave me cryin’!
[Sometimes You Can Believe the Hype Department]
OMG, it’s true! She WAS flat-out adorable!!
Tonight I watched When Harry Met Sally for first time
in a very long time. And damn it, it’s true! Meg Ryan
was just utterly adorable!! A tad too “WASPish”?
C’mon, give the kid a break! She was born with that face,
and a face like that can’t help but make my heart ache!
Put us both in a time machine, make us much younger . . .
aw hell, who am I tryin’ to kid? She’d reject me and leave me cryin’!
September 22, 2022
[You Can’t Make This Stuff Up! Department]
New heights (depths?) in Magical Thinking
Today we learned that Donald Trump has superpowers
beyond the realm of anyone’s imagination.
You see, he declared that he can declassify secret
government documents by merely of the act thinking!
His “strict constructionist” friends on SCOTUS
will have a hard time finding such a right in the
Constitution, as onward marches the investigation.
But that institution itself has the gravest of flaws.
Perhaps the USA should be described a little more
honestly: for the very privileged, it’s “a nation of scofflaws”!
[You Can’t Make This Stuff Up! Department]
New heights (depths?) in Magical Thinking
Today we learned that Donald Trump has superpowers
beyond the realm of anyone’s imagination.
You see, he declared that he can declassify secret
government documents by merely of the act thinking!
His “strict constructionist” friends on SCOTUS
will have a hard time finding such a right in the
Constitution, as onward marches the investigation.
But that institution itself has the gravest of flaws.
Perhaps the USA should be described a little more
honestly: for the very privileged, it’s “a nation of scofflaws”!
September 21, 2022
[Still More Economic News Department]
RECESSION LOOMING
Walmart announced it’s hiring far fewer
extra workers for the holidays this year.
This is a very ominous sign, one must fear.
Consumer price inflation is devouring folks’
paychecks at a rate not seen since the ‘70s.
It took a Big, Big Man to squash the inflation
monster then, by the name of ‘Tall Paul’ Volcker.
The policy then was to ratchet up the pain
further still with sky-high interest rates.
An induced recession to try to save the nation.
Fed Chair Powell is no ‘Tall Paul’ in the main.
Get ready for a shaky, rocky Xmas, mates.
[Still More Economic News Department]
RECESSION LOOMING
Walmart announced it’s hiring far fewer
extra workers for the holidays this year.
This is a very ominous sign, one must fear.
Consumer price inflation is devouring folks’
paychecks at a rate not seen since the ‘70s.
It took a Big, Big Man to squash the inflation
monster then, by the name of ‘Tall Paul’ Volcker.
The policy then was to ratchet up the pain
further still with sky-high interest rates.
An induced recession to try to save the nation.
Fed Chair Powell is no ‘Tall Paul’ in the main.
Get ready for a shaky, rocky Xmas, mates.
September 20, 2022
[Economic News Department]
Break out those old W.I.N. buttons!
“The pandemic is over, and for my next trick
I will personally Whip Inflation Now!” Holy
Miracle Worker, Batman! “Look! Up in the sky!
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Super-Joe!”
What’s next, Clark Kent eyeglass frames?
Clearly, Mr. Biden simply ain’t like you or I!
[Economic News Department]
Break out those old W.I.N. buttons!
“The pandemic is over, and for my next trick
I will personally Whip Inflation Now!” Holy
Miracle Worker, Batman! “Look! Up in the sky!
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Super-Joe!”
What’s next, Clark Kent eyeglass frames?
Clearly, Mr. Biden simply ain’t like you or I!
September 19, 2022
[Current Legal Events Department]
Big Baby Trump, whining again . . .
The Donald demanded a “special master”
to oversee questions regarding the documents
he secretly stole from the government’s
possession. His demand was granted, and now?
He’s dragging the process out as long as he can.
Oh golly, gee whiz and “Batman, Holy Cow!”
You don’t suppose our boy has something to hide?
Sorry, pal, there are no legal precedents to bolster your side.
[Current Legal Events Department]
Big Baby Trump, whining again . . .
The Donald demanded a “special master”
to oversee questions regarding the documents
he secretly stole from the government’s
possession. His demand was granted, and now?
He’s dragging the process out as long as he can.
Oh golly, gee whiz and “Batman, Holy Cow!”
You don’t suppose our boy has something to hide?
Sorry, pal, there are no legal precedents to bolster your side.
September 18, 2022
[Public Sanitation Department]
Is she buried yet?!
Can we please get this bloody queen
in the ground already? I was never keen
on her dominating the news for any cause.
Now she’s dead, the media attention is without pause.
Seems some folks will do most anything for
publicity. I don’t wanna hear about her any more!
[Public Sanitation Department]
Is she buried yet?!
Can we please get this bloody queen
in the ground already? I was never keen
on her dominating the news for any cause.
Now she’s dead, the media attention is without pause.
Seems some folks will do most anything for
publicity. I don’t wanna hear about her any more!
September 17, 2022
R.I.P. ERIC JACKSON
A long-time host of Jazz radio in Boston,
Eric has left this world after a long illness.
I had the opportunity to interact with him
on several occasions over the years,
being a part of the Jazz Radio Tribe myself.
Warm and kind, a fine gentleman overall,
he will be missed by colleagues and listeners.
R.I.P. ERIC JACKSON
A long-time host of Jazz radio in Boston,
Eric has left this world after a long illness.
I had the opportunity to interact with him
on several occasions over the years,
being a part of the Jazz Radio Tribe myself.
Warm and kind, a fine gentleman overall,
he will be missed by colleagues and listeners.
September 16, 2022
They’re still trying to hook me!
Russia’s on the Shit List a long time, and how!
But the spam emails still just keep rolling in:
“Get a HOT date with the beautiful Russian
ladies!” Take a hike, jerks! I didn’t fall for it then,
and I sure as hell ain’t gonna fall for it now!
They’re still trying to hook me!
Russia’s on the Shit List a long time, and how!
But the spam emails still just keep rolling in:
“Get a HOT date with the beautiful Russian
ladies!” Take a hike, jerks! I didn’t fall for it then,
and I sure as hell ain’t gonna fall for it now!
September 15, 2022
[Revolting Current Events Unending]
Get used to saying “President DeSantis”!
In the frantic race to out-Trump The Donald, the lead
belongs to DeSantis of Florida, oh Liberal hearts that bleed.
Doubtless his constituents love seeing their tax dollars spent
to fly migrants to The Vineyard and hope the well-off get bent.
Political genius most savvy, or cruel and stupid theatrical stunt?
DeSantis can see the Goal Line for 2024, no need to punt.
The GOP is eating it up. Hey, the Obamas like it there. Send more!
It was precisely Obama’s presence in the White House—calamity!--
that pushed the Modern Republican Party over the line into insanity.
“We’ll rig and steal any election we can, we ain’t ready to wilt!”
Those in that cult can proudly say: “We’re the party HATE built!”
September 14, 2022
JEAN-LUC GODARD (1930-2022)
Count me not in the camp that acclaimed
all the man’s work. Breathless, yes, quite a ride!
But his movie from 1965 has grown on me
in recent years—space travel in a Ford Galaxie!
A city whose inhabitants are controlled by Alpha-60.
The power of language. What does freedom mean?
Symbolism, allegory, metaphor? Call it what you will.
Red pill? Blue pill? Jagged little pill?
Leave them at home and make the trip to Alphaville!
JEAN-LUC GODARD (1930-2022)
Count me not in the camp that acclaimed
all the man’s work. Breathless, yes, quite a ride!
But his movie from 1965 has grown on me
in recent years—space travel in a Ford Galaxie!
A city whose inhabitants are controlled by Alpha-60.
The power of language. What does freedom mean?
Symbolism, allegory, metaphor? Call it what you will.
Red pill? Blue pill? Jagged little pill?
Leave them at home and make the trip to Alphaville!
September 13, 2022
[Compensation for yesterday’s absence of content!]
POEM #1--“Friday the 13th come on a Tuesday this month!”—the immortal ‘Pogo’
Just when the Little Guy Investors thought they were back in clover,
the stockmarket turned ugly today. Somebody want a do-over?
POEM #2--Another Brilliant CNN Story Tease (Who writes these things?!)
CNN: “The key difference between a ‘Queen’ and ‘King’”
The obvious answer is yours for the taking,
or as a joke as old as my long-deceased father put it:
“‘Balls!’ said the Queen. ‘If I had ’em I’d be King!’”
POEM #3--And speaking of Royalty . . .
Isn’t it about time Dairy Queen and Burger King
tie the knot? Objective: to give birth to soft-serve Whoppers.
[Compensation for yesterday’s absence of content!]
POEM #1--“Friday the 13th come on a Tuesday this month!”—the immortal ‘Pogo’
Just when the Little Guy Investors thought they were back in clover,
the stockmarket turned ugly today. Somebody want a do-over?
POEM #2--Another Brilliant CNN Story Tease (Who writes these things?!)
CNN: “The key difference between a ‘Queen’ and ‘King’”
The obvious answer is yours for the taking,
or as a joke as old as my long-deceased father put it:
“‘Balls!’ said the Queen. ‘If I had ’em I’d be King!’”
POEM #3--And speaking of Royalty . . .
Isn’t it about time Dairy Queen and Burger King
tie the knot? Objective: to give birth to soft-serve Whoppers.
September 12, 2022
SEE TOMORROW’S POSTS!
SEE TOMORROW’S POSTS!
September 11, 2022
Another Anniversary (yawn) . . .
Twenty-one years ago, USA got a tiny taste
of what it feels like to be on the receiving
end of war’s death, destruction and waste.
The loss of life was tragic, to be sure,
but insignificant compared to the devastation
wreaked on the peoples of Iraq and Afghanistan
to seek revenge . . . for crimes they did not commit!
Lies stacked atop lies, like a giant pile of manure.
US foreign policy is now simply its military policy,
rattling sabres against Russia and China,
the propaganda machine spewing pure bullshit.
Another Anniversary (yawn) . . .
Twenty-one years ago, USA got a tiny taste
of what it feels like to be on the receiving
end of war’s death, destruction and waste.
The loss of life was tragic, to be sure,
but insignificant compared to the devastation
wreaked on the peoples of Iraq and Afghanistan
to seek revenge . . . for crimes they did not commit!
Lies stacked atop lies, like a giant pile of manure.
US foreign policy is now simply its military policy,
rattling sabres against Russia and China,
the propaganda machine spewing pure bullshit.
September 10, 2022
[Professional Sports Department]
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING US
Will the Mets and Yanks pull out of their slumps?
Will the sages already predicting the Super Bowl
contestants end up looking like total chumps?
‘Joe SixPack’ may be biting his nails over this,
but I have “no dog in the fight.” Que sera sera.
I’m only interested in Pole Vaults and High Jumps!
[Professional Sports Department]
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING US
Will the Mets and Yanks pull out of their slumps?
Will the sages already predicting the Super Bowl
contestants end up looking like total chumps?
‘Joe SixPack’ may be biting his nails over this,
but I have “no dog in the fight.” Que sera sera.
I’m only interested in Pole Vaults and High Jumps!
September 9, 2022
Another Irish Perspective on King Charles
Many Irish folk, and this with my own ears I’ve heard,
have a habit of dropping an ‘h’ when it follows a ’t.’
And thus, let us speak of “King Charles the Turd”!
Another Irish Perspective on King Charles
Many Irish folk, and this with my own ears I’ve heard,
have a habit of dropping an ‘h’ when it follows a ’t.’
And thus, let us speak of “King Charles the Turd”!
September 8, 2022
Farewell Liz; Hello, King Charles of the Elephant Ears
Well, Liz, you had a helluva reign! And Elizabeth, I note,
appears not very popular in Merry Olde England for
a queen’s name, as you were only the second in that boat.
And now a huge fuss will be made over the coronation
of King Charles of the Elephant Ears. Yes, this I dub him.
I’ll cut to the chase with my opinion, no obfuscation:
Let’s take all these “royals,” the whole wretched lot of them,
toss them in the Irish Sea and watch them sink to the bottom!
British troops out of northeastern Ireland!! Erin go bragh!
Farewell Liz; Hello, King Charles of the Elephant Ears
Well, Liz, you had a helluva reign! And Elizabeth, I note,
appears not very popular in Merry Olde England for
a queen’s name, as you were only the second in that boat.
And now a huge fuss will be made over the coronation
of King Charles of the Elephant Ears. Yes, this I dub him.
I’ll cut to the chase with my opinion, no obfuscation:
Let’s take all these “royals,” the whole wretched lot of them,
toss them in the Irish Sea and watch them sink to the bottom!
British troops out of northeastern Ireland!! Erin go bragh!
September 7, 2022
[True Confessions Department in form of a limerick]
My Love Affair with . . . the ‘Water Bear’
Science is working to unravel the secrets of the Tardigrade,
that tiny critter more or less indestructible that Nature made.
But for some time now I have had the sneaking suspicion
that these guys’ evolution occurred beyond Earth’s region!
Riding on a meteor, perhaps, they landed on a terrestrial glade.
[True Confessions Department in form of a limerick]
My Love Affair with . . . the ‘Water Bear’
Science is working to unravel the secrets of the Tardigrade,
that tiny critter more or less indestructible that Nature made.
But for some time now I have had the sneaking suspicion
that these guys’ evolution occurred beyond Earth’s region!
Riding on a meteor, perhaps, they landed on a terrestrial glade.
September 6, 2022
[Still More Hilarious Current Events Department!]
“COWBOYS FOR TRUMP”!!
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised such a group exists.
John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, Dick Cheney and Dubya!
Republicans have an affinity for fake cowboys, it seems.
And nowadays there aren’t a helluvalot of the real deal around.
What we’ll find, visiting rodeos in the hinterland’s little towns,
is primarily guys (and the occasional gal) working as clowns!
[Still More Hilarious Current Events Department!]
“COWBOYS FOR TRUMP”!!
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised such a group exists.
John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, Dick Cheney and Dubya!
Republicans have an affinity for fake cowboys, it seems.
And nowadays there aren’t a helluvalot of the real deal around.
What we’ll find, visiting rodeos in the hinterland’s little towns,
is primarily guys (and the occasional gal) working as clowns!
September 5, 2022
“Labor Day” they call it!
Once upon a time, to honor martyrs in
the struggle for the eight-hour workday,
proclaimed was an international Workers Holiday,
to be celebrated on the First of the merry month of May.
But this was found objectionable by the captains
of industry and the scions of banking dynasties
in the USA, so they’d have us believe we should remember
and sort of honor working men and women in September.
This holiday, naturally, became just another excuse
to head to the beach, go shopping, or get drunk.
So I don’t celebrate this fake holiday, as it reeks
to me like the roadkill of a formerly alive skunk.
“Labor Day” they call it!
Once upon a time, to honor martyrs in
the struggle for the eight-hour workday,
proclaimed was an international Workers Holiday,
to be celebrated on the First of the merry month of May.
But this was found objectionable by the captains
of industry and the scions of banking dynasties
in the USA, so they’d have us believe we should remember
and sort of honor working men and women in September.
This holiday, naturally, became just another excuse
to head to the beach, go shopping, or get drunk.
So I don’t celebrate this fake holiday, as it reeks
to me like the roadkill of a formerly alive skunk.
September 4, 2022
Ah, the Life of a Volunteer
Pardon me, but from serious (or at least
semi-serious) poetry today I must take a pass.
An hours-long voluntary work session at a
Weightlifting competition has whupped my ass!
Ah, the Life of a Volunteer
Pardon me, but from serious (or at least
semi-serious) poetry today I must take a pass.
An hours-long voluntary work session at a
Weightlifting competition has whupped my ass!
September 3, 2022
[Revolting Current Events Department, again]
Contemporary USA in a NUTshell
Armed Fascists reportedly converged on
a library in the enlightened state of Idaho
with a list of four hundred books that must go!
Sorry to disappoint, fellas, but it seems none
of those books on the library’s shelves are to be found!
Our home-bred Brownshirts, on fertile ground.
More things grow in Idaho, with eyes lacking vision,
than the lowly, but at least useful, potato.
[Revolting Current Events Department, again]
Contemporary USA in a NUTshell
Armed Fascists reportedly converged on
a library in the enlightened state of Idaho
with a list of four hundred books that must go!
Sorry to disappoint, fellas, but it seems none
of those books on the library’s shelves are to be found!
Our home-bred Brownshirts, on fertile ground.
More things grow in Idaho, with eyes lacking vision,
than the lowly, but at least useful, potato.
September 2, 2022
Viet Nam’s National Day
On this date in 1945 Uncle Ho, having led
the resistance to Japan’s occupation,
declared the birth of the Democratic Republic
of Viet Nam, a poor but proud unified nation.
This greatly troubled France and the USA,
and it would take Viet Nam another 30 years
and millions of lost lives to achieve liberation.
To the people of Viet Nam, my hearty congratulations!
Viet Nam’s National Day
On this date in 1945 Uncle Ho, having led
the resistance to Japan’s occupation,
declared the birth of the Democratic Republic
of Viet Nam, a poor but proud unified nation.
This greatly troubled France and the USA,
and it would take Viet Nam another 30 years
and millions of lost lives to achieve liberation.
To the people of Viet Nam, my hearty congratulations!
September 1, 2022
[What’s Wrong With This Picture? Department]
But isn’t it mandatory?
A man in Texas faces criminal charges after
his four-year-old son showed up at school
with a loaded handgun. No cause for laughter,
true, but maybe the kid was just trying to be cool,
to fit in with his peers, this being the Lone Star State.
Mandatory bearing of arms and bushels of hate!
[What’s Wrong With This Picture? Department]
But isn’t it mandatory?
A man in Texas faces criminal charges after
his four-year-old son showed up at school
with a loaded handgun. No cause for laughter,
true, but maybe the kid was just trying to be cool,
to fit in with his peers, this being the Lone Star State.
Mandatory bearing of arms and bushels of hate!
August 31, 2022
[Unpleasant Real Life Encounters Department]
WHAT I LEARNED TODAY
I was having a beer with a couple of Vietnam veterans
today, engaged with bar staff in polite conversation,
discussing one of their policies (details not crucially
important), when a nearby patron—a burly lout--
decided to stick his nose into the situation.
He advised us “Just follow the rules!” and then
complained that veterans of our generation
are “always looking for a handout”! A revelation!
I’m surprised he didn’t accuse us of being “welfare
bums.” Is this our “Thanks of a grateful nation”?
Doubtless this bozo is a Republican, and maybe
even a Libertarian. I could’ve inquired as to why
he wasn’t hard at work somewhere, contributing
to the nation’s economy, but that would be pushing
my luck. Little did this clown know my own hands
are registered as lethal weapons! Glad I wasn’t
forced to hand him a down-home ass-whupping.
[Unpleasant Real Life Encounters Department]
WHAT I LEARNED TODAY
I was having a beer with a couple of Vietnam veterans
today, engaged with bar staff in polite conversation,
discussing one of their policies (details not crucially
important), when a nearby patron—a burly lout--
decided to stick his nose into the situation.
He advised us “Just follow the rules!” and then
complained that veterans of our generation
are “always looking for a handout”! A revelation!
I’m surprised he didn’t accuse us of being “welfare
bums.” Is this our “Thanks of a grateful nation”?
Doubtless this bozo is a Republican, and maybe
even a Libertarian. I could’ve inquired as to why
he wasn’t hard at work somewhere, contributing
to the nation’s economy, but that would be pushing
my luck. Little did this clown know my own hands
are registered as lethal weapons! Glad I wasn’t
forced to hand him a down-home ass-whupping.
August 30, 2022
[Irritating Social Trends Department]
WHO IS HARRY STYLES, AND WHY CAN’T I ESCAPE HIM?!
All day, all night, Harry Styles!
Big star, big man, Harry Styles! *
So who is this guy, and why is he
on CNN and NY Times websites
day after day after day?? No, wait!
Don’t tell me, I really don’t wanna know!
My life was going relatively well befo’
Harry was thrown in my face.
So, is he gay or really straight?
Show me an exit before it’s too late!
* in memory of Alan Sherman’s spoof of “Maryann,” a hit for another Harry, surname Belafonte
[Irritating Social Trends Department]
WHO IS HARRY STYLES, AND WHY CAN’T I ESCAPE HIM?!
All day, all night, Harry Styles!
Big star, big man, Harry Styles! *
So who is this guy, and why is he
on CNN and NY Times websites
day after day after day?? No, wait!
Don’t tell me, I really don’t wanna know!
My life was going relatively well befo’
Harry was thrown in my face.
So, is he gay or really straight?
Show me an exit before it’s too late!
* in memory of Alan Sherman’s spoof of “Maryann,” a hit for another Harry, surname Belafonte
August 29, 2022
[The Big Let-Down Department]
Well, after all, it IS Rocket Science!
Artemis I test flight got scrubbed, mechanical “bugs.”
Sure glad I didn’t travel to Florida for the launch.
Those who did make such a trip must really be sore.
But what I want to know is: Why has NASA been slow as slugs?
Back to the Moon after 50 years? What was the delay for?
We should be on Mars now, if not several years before!
There’s so much more Humanity can and should explore.
But the higher priority is to spend the money on war,
keeping industry and Congress happy. Science is such a bore!
Well, after all, it IS Rocket Science!
Artemis I test flight got scrubbed, mechanical “bugs.”
Sure glad I didn’t travel to Florida for the launch.
Those who did make such a trip must really be sore.
But what I want to know is: Why has NASA been slow as slugs?
Back to the Moon after 50 years? What was the delay for?
We should be on Mars now, if not several years before!
There’s so much more Humanity can and should explore.
But the higher priority is to spend the money on war,
keeping industry and Congress happy. Science is such a bore!
August 28, 2022
The $13 Million Baseball Card
When I was a young fellow—just a while ago!--
I bought bubble gum, Topps and Bazooka Joe.
But tragically, bubbles I never learned to blow!
Topps, famously, came with Baseball Trading Cards,
but I never really collected ’em; for me—discards.
Mickey, Roger, Yogi, Whitey were all a big deal,
but collecting the cards for me had no appeal.
The other day, a Mickey Mantle Rookie Card at
auction did fetch a comely $13 million (rounded up).
And there’s not a dad-blamed thing I can do about that!
The $13 Million Baseball Card
When I was a young fellow—just a while ago!--
I bought bubble gum, Topps and Bazooka Joe.
But tragically, bubbles I never learned to blow!
Topps, famously, came with Baseball Trading Cards,
but I never really collected ’em; for me—discards.
Mickey, Roger, Yogi, Whitey were all a big deal,
but collecting the cards for me had no appeal.
The other day, a Mickey Mantle Rookie Card at
auction did fetch a comely $13 million (rounded up).
And there’s not a dad-blamed thing I can do about that!
August 27, 2022
[American Politics Department]
There’s Theory, and Then There’s Practice
In theory, no, Donald Trump is not above the law.
But in actual practice, if there’s no political
will to prosecute him for his obvious violations,
aye, there’s the rub. There’s the screaming flaw
in the country that pretends to be above all nations.
[American Politics Department]
There’s Theory, and Then There’s Practice
In theory, no, Donald Trump is not above the law.
But in actual practice, if there’s no political
will to prosecute him for his obvious violations,
aye, there’s the rub. There’s the screaming flaw
in the country that pretends to be above all nations.
August 26, 2022
[“Local Color” Department]
Gee, thanks, idiot neighbors!
I guess the thunderstorms earlier today
weren’t loud enough. For tonight, some
idiots in my neighborhood are setting off
firecrackers of almost cherry bomb magnitude.
It’s a tad premature to celebrate Trump’s
return to the White House, wouldn’t you say?
Anything much more than a sparkler is
illegal in this state, but that doesn’t stop
idiots from putting on a personal display
of professional grade fireworks for any
old occasion. Is it me, am I the one with attitude
out of line? Just a grumpy old man, clutching
at grievances? Ask the neighborhood cats
and dogs, ask the squirrels and birdies trying
to get some shut-eye. I’m not in total solitude.
[“Local Color” Department]
Gee, thanks, idiot neighbors!
I guess the thunderstorms earlier today
weren’t loud enough. For tonight, some
idiots in my neighborhood are setting off
firecrackers of almost cherry bomb magnitude.
It’s a tad premature to celebrate Trump’s
return to the White House, wouldn’t you say?
Anything much more than a sparkler is
illegal in this state, but that doesn’t stop
idiots from putting on a personal display
of professional grade fireworks for any
old occasion. Is it me, am I the one with attitude
out of line? Just a grumpy old man, clutching
at grievances? Ask the neighborhood cats
and dogs, ask the squirrels and birdies trying
to get some shut-eye. I’m not in total solitude.
August 25, 2022
[Financial Markets Shenanigans Department]
And the markets did tremble . . .
That time of year has rolled around again:
the members of the Federal Reserve Banking
System are gabbing away in Wyoming--
at Jackson Hole, to be more specific.
And financial markets quake, knees are knocking
from the Northeast Corridor to the mighty Pacific.
What did this or that regional big cheese say,
and more importantly, what did she or he
really mean?! Reporters in woodpiles are poking,
trying to stir up an exclusive. As if these clowns
actually have Harry Potter’s wand, a magic ability
to steer the nation’s economy or the financial
markets in the desired direction! Bring us in for
“a soft landing”? Ward away a recession? Witches
and warlocks muttering soothing mumbo-jumbo is all
it comes down to. Any day now, we’ll all lose our britches!
And the markets did tremble . . .
That time of year has rolled around again:
the members of the Federal Reserve Banking
System are gabbing away in Wyoming--
at Jackson Hole, to be more specific.
And financial markets quake, knees are knocking
from the Northeast Corridor to the mighty Pacific.
What did this or that regional big cheese say,
and more importantly, what did she or he
really mean?! Reporters in woodpiles are poking,
trying to stir up an exclusive. As if these clowns
actually have Harry Potter’s wand, a magic ability
to steer the nation’s economy or the financial
markets in the desired direction! Bring us in for
“a soft landing”? Ward away a recession? Witches
and warlocks muttering soothing mumbo-jumbo is all
it comes down to. Any day now, we’ll all lose our britches!
August 24, 2022
Dr. Fauci’s Crime
GOP leaders vow that if they regain
control of Congressional investigative
committees, they will put Dr. Anthony Fauci
in the dock and inflict maximum pain.
And what could be the “crime” this public
servant committed? Could it be that he
took a deadly new virus too seriously?
He sounded the alarm on Covid publicly,
while GOP’s Fearless Leader, preening
before a mirror, said “It’ll be gone by Spring.”
Dr. Fauci’s Crime
GOP leaders vow that if they regain
control of Congressional investigative
committees, they will put Dr. Anthony Fauci
in the dock and inflict maximum pain.
And what could be the “crime” this public
servant committed? Could it be that he
took a deadly new virus too seriously?
He sounded the alarm on Covid publicly,
while GOP’s Fearless Leader, preening
before a mirror, said “It’ll be gone by Spring.”
August 23, 2022
[Broken Heart Department]
“If you snooze, you lose!”
This bit of wisdom from the world
of drag racing now applies to me.
I failed to get in my $5 million bid
for a limited run brand new Bugatti!
Only 99 being made, and what did
I do? Sat on my hands while others unfurled
their checkbooks and gobbled them up.
So now in fetal position you’ll find me curled.
How can I possibly show my face
in the Hamptons? I came in last in the race
and I guess I’m just a sad, sorry pup.
[Broken Heart Department]
“If you snooze, you lose!”
This bit of wisdom from the world
of drag racing now applies to me.
I failed to get in my $5 million bid
for a limited run brand new Bugatti!
Only 99 being made, and what did
I do? Sat on my hands while others unfurled
their checkbooks and gobbled them up.
So now in fetal position you’ll find me curled.
How can I possibly show my face
in the Hamptons? I came in last in the race
and I guess I’m just a sad, sorry pup.
August 22, 2022
[Truncated Weather Report Department!]
RAIN!!!
Finally, at last, significant precipitation!!
Break out the bubbly, time for celebration!
[Truncated Weather Report Department!]
RAIN!!!
Finally, at last, significant precipitation!!
Break out the bubbly, time for celebration!
August 21, 2022
[Current Events Department]
Why can’t we follow Pakistan’s example?
For decades, Pakistani regimes have not been noted
for “the Rule of Law” or to democratic ideals being devoted.
(I won’t bother to comment on how, in USA, that’s just a con!)
But state prosecutors there have gone after Imran Khan,
merely the former Prime Minister. Seems like he lacks Teflon,
that magic protective coating keeping our “beloved” former
president out of jail. For now and doubtless forever!
[Current Events Department]
Why can’t we follow Pakistan’s example?
For decades, Pakistani regimes have not been noted
for “the Rule of Law” or to democratic ideals being devoted.
(I won’t bother to comment on how, in USA, that’s just a con!)
But state prosecutors there have gone after Imran Khan,
merely the former Prime Minister. Seems like he lacks Teflon,
that magic protective coating keeping our “beloved” former
president out of jail. For now and doubtless forever!
August 20, 2022
[Slightly Belated Commentary Department]
Liz Cheney Gets a Sound Clobbering
The enormously enlightened GOP voters of Wyoming
did far more than give Ms. Cheney a hardy spanking
to punish her for turning against their beloved Donald.
Her Republican challenger buried her, more than 2 to 1.
There’s talk Liz wants to run for POTUS in 2024.
Does she think she can actually reclaim the GOP as
a party reasonably sane?! What could be more inane,
with her career in politics already deeply tanking?
Give it up, Liz, and go look for an honest living!
[Slightly Belated Commentary Department]
Liz Cheney Gets a Sound Clobbering
The enormously enlightened GOP voters of Wyoming
did far more than give Ms. Cheney a hardy spanking
to punish her for turning against their beloved Donald.
Her Republican challenger buried her, more than 2 to 1.
There’s talk Liz wants to run for POTUS in 2024.
Does she think she can actually reclaim the GOP as
a party reasonably sane?! What could be more inane,
with her career in politics already deeply tanking?
Give it up, Liz, and go look for an honest living!
August 19, 2022
[More Hideous Current Events Department]
THE CONSTITUTION, DRAGGED THROUGH THE MUD AGAIN
A new state law in Texas requires display of a poster
proclaiming “In God we trust” in every school building,
provided the posters are donated by private entities.
By this means, Governor Abbott obviously intends
to thwart lawsuits based on the now trashed principle
of “separation of church and state.” Another stinging
defeat for actual freedom in this country, for ’tis an
inconvenient truth that the concept of “freedom of
religion” incorporates the right of freedom from that
wretched drivel. And so, Abbott of Texas continues
to engage DeSantis of Florida in a race to the bottom,
seeking to place themselves to the right of The Donald.
God help us—pardon the expression—if any of these
bozos accede to the White House in a couple years’ time.
[More Hideous Current Events Department]
THE CONSTITUTION, DRAGGED THROUGH THE MUD AGAIN
A new state law in Texas requires display of a poster
proclaiming “In God we trust” in every school building,
provided the posters are donated by private entities.
By this means, Governor Abbott obviously intends
to thwart lawsuits based on the now trashed principle
of “separation of church and state.” Another stinging
defeat for actual freedom in this country, for ’tis an
inconvenient truth that the concept of “freedom of
religion” incorporates the right of freedom from that
wretched drivel. And so, Abbott of Texas continues
to engage DeSantis of Florida in a race to the bottom,
seeking to place themselves to the right of The Donald.
God help us—pardon the expression—if any of these
bozos accede to the White House in a couple years’ time.
August 18, 2022
[“Local News” Department]
“Celebrate ________ Day Fast Approaching”
So reads a front page headline in what passes
for a weekly local newspaper in the sleepy New
England town wherein I dwell (name withheld).
Of those who voted here in 2016 and 2020,
the majority voted for Trump—horse’s asses
of a feather flock together—a mixed metaphor,
or aphorism, or whatever it is. So yes, fellow
yokels, let’s get together and celebrate the
grand victory of shunning funds offered for
mental health counseling in the schools at
no cost to the town. Why, and what’s the reason for?
The school board shuddered at the notion that
it might slip from the lips of a “lib-tard” counselor
that it’s okay to embrace a sexual orientation
at odds with dictated archaic biblical “norms.”
So chalk up another big win for Jesus, friends!
And to conclude a day of glorious celebration,
let’s have a torchlight parade down Main Street
and burn a big pile of “ungodly” books, tomes
written by scientists, blasphemers and queers
(ain’t they one and the same?). Then, smugly
satisfied, we can return to the comfort of our homes.
[“Local News” Department]
“Celebrate ________ Day Fast Approaching”
So reads a front page headline in what passes
for a weekly local newspaper in the sleepy New
England town wherein I dwell (name withheld).
Of those who voted here in 2016 and 2020,
the majority voted for Trump—horse’s asses
of a feather flock together—a mixed metaphor,
or aphorism, or whatever it is. So yes, fellow
yokels, let’s get together and celebrate the
grand victory of shunning funds offered for
mental health counseling in the schools at
no cost to the town. Why, and what’s the reason for?
The school board shuddered at the notion that
it might slip from the lips of a “lib-tard” counselor
that it’s okay to embrace a sexual orientation
at odds with dictated archaic biblical “norms.”
So chalk up another big win for Jesus, friends!
And to conclude a day of glorious celebration,
let’s have a torchlight parade down Main Street
and burn a big pile of “ungodly” books, tomes
written by scientists, blasphemers and queers
(ain’t they one and the same?). Then, smugly
satisfied, we can return to the comfort of our homes.
August 17, 2022
A book I definitely WON’T be reading
Jared Kushner has published his memoir about
his awesome (in his own mind) exploits in the
Trump White House. Of this there can be no doubt:
I have no use whatsoever for nearly 500 pages
of endless self-congratulation, nay, self-adulation.
I’d probably prefer to engage in self-flagellation!
A book I definitely WON’T be reading
Jared Kushner has published his memoir about
his awesome (in his own mind) exploits in the
Trump White House. Of this there can be no doubt:
I have no use whatsoever for nearly 500 pages
of endless self-congratulation, nay, self-adulation.
I’d probably prefer to engage in self-flagellation!
August 16, 2022
Fist of Fury
It only took me fifty years to catch up
with this Bruce Lee showcase—better late
than never, as is said—Bruce dons a disguise
once or twice to thwart the Japanese bad guys.
Story unfolds on brink of World War II, apparently.
Chinese detectives wearing traditional robes
but western style hats, fedora-like in style,
but they don’t empower them to work more effectively!
A hint at romance, a seductive striptease dance,
everything but the kitchen sink, but done entertainingly,
a martial arts flick that brings more than one smile.
Fist of Fury
It only took me fifty years to catch up
with this Bruce Lee showcase—better late
than never, as is said—Bruce dons a disguise
once or twice to thwart the Japanese bad guys.
Story unfolds on brink of World War II, apparently.
Chinese detectives wearing traditional robes
but western style hats, fedora-like in style,
but they don’t empower them to work more effectively!
A hint at romance, a seductive striptease dance,
everything but the kitchen sink, but done entertainingly,
a martial arts flick that brings more than one smile.
August 15, 2022
Haiku for Go Organic Jazz Orchestra
Open air concert
“East meets West” downtown Hartford
Ragas most sublime!
Haiku for Go Organic Jazz Orchestra
Open air concert
“East meets West” downtown Hartford
Ragas most sublime!
August 14, 2022
Who’s gonna protect the Eff Bee Eye?
Looks like it’s open season on the FBI,
since the DOJ had the gall to raid Mar-a-Lago.
Those desk jockeys in offices better get back
to the Firearms Range pretty darned pronto!
Get the weapons out of the armory and re-qualify!
Think you’re privileged? We had to do it in the Army.
Who’s gonna protect the Eff Bee Eye?
Looks like it’s open season on the FBI,
since the DOJ had the gall to raid Mar-a-Lago.
Those desk jockeys in offices better get back
to the Firearms Range pretty darned pronto!
Get the weapons out of the armory and re-qualify!
Think you’re privileged? We had to do it in the Army.
August 13, 2022
[Revolting Marketing Stunts Department]
“Hey, get yer NY Yankees Camo Cap here!”
Everyone attending a Yankees home game the other night
was entitled to a NY Yankees Camo cap. You know,
so the fans can pretend to be awesome “warriors.”
Keep the military defeat in Afghanistan out of sight!
Well, I guess it’s appropriate for “Da Bronx Bombers.”
But it still turns my stomach, for what’s being marketed
is US military aggression, the world’s number one blight.
[Revolting Marketing Stunts Department]
“Hey, get yer NY Yankees Camo Cap here!”
Everyone attending a Yankees home game the other night
was entitled to a NY Yankees Camo cap. You know,
so the fans can pretend to be awesome “warriors.”
Keep the military defeat in Afghanistan out of sight!
Well, I guess it’s appropriate for “Da Bronx Bombers.”
But it still turns my stomach, for what’s being marketed
is US military aggression, the world’s number one blight.
August 12, 2022
[Current Legal Events Department]
Trot out the Espionage Act!
I got a good belly laugh out of the notion
that Donald Trump—we’re talking technically,
fine points of illegality—could be charged
under the Espionage Act for pilfering
Top Secret government documents and taking
them to Mar-a-Lago. Who will set this process in motion?
Does anyone in the government have the gumption?
The GOP has vowed that as soon as they gain control
of Congressional investigative committees,
they’re going to put every Democrat thru the wringer.
The slightly delayed return of the Spanish Inquisition!
And so I have to believe the present administration
dares not set this precedent, thus leaving Trump
not Federal Prisoner Number _____, but simply
a somewhat unique former US president.
[Current Legal Events Department]
Trot out the Espionage Act!
I got a good belly laugh out of the notion
that Donald Trump—we’re talking technically,
fine points of illegality—could be charged
under the Espionage Act for pilfering
Top Secret government documents and taking
them to Mar-a-Lago. Who will set this process in motion?
Does anyone in the government have the gumption?
The GOP has vowed that as soon as they gain control
of Congressional investigative committees,
they’re going to put every Democrat thru the wringer.
The slightly delayed return of the Spanish Inquisition!
And so I have to believe the present administration
dares not set this precedent, thus leaving Trump
not Federal Prisoner Number _____, but simply
a somewhat unique former US president.
August 11, 2022
The Big Lebowski . . . and why not?
Tonight, for only about the fourth go-round,
I watched The Big Lebowski.
Can’t wait for 25th anniversary in 2023,
given there’s no guarantee that next year
any of us will still be around.
If John Goodman’s performance isn’t one
of the all-time great comedic turns,
then I don’t know what’s funny!
Come catastrophic tsunami or ebb tide,
we know ‘The Dude’ will always abide.
The Big Lebowski . . . and why not?
Tonight, for only about the fourth go-round,
I watched The Big Lebowski.
Can’t wait for 25th anniversary in 2023,
given there’s no guarantee that next year
any of us will still be around.
If John Goodman’s performance isn’t one
of the all-time great comedic turns,
then I don’t know what’s funny!
Come catastrophic tsunami or ebb tide,
we know ‘The Dude’ will always abide.
August 10, 2022
[A Current Events Singalong]
“The Donald took the Fifth . . .”
The Donald took the Fifth, *
The Donald took the Fifth,
Oh no, how low can he go? **
The Donald took the Fifth.
* over 400 times, it’s reported, as NY State investigators try to figure out if this guy has any damned net worth at all!
** this question can’t be answered while he’s still alive! There’s still room below.
[A Current Events Singalong]
“The Donald took the Fifth . . .”
The Donald took the Fifth, *
The Donald took the Fifth,
Oh no, how low can he go? **
The Donald took the Fifth.
* over 400 times, it’s reported, as NY State investigators try to figure out if this guy has any damned net worth at all!
** this question can’t be answered while he’s still alive! There’s still room below.
August 9, 2022
[Nagasaki Day]
ONCE WAS NOT ENOUGH
Not satisfied with unleashing the nuclear demon
on Hiroshima, a city with virtually no military targets,
Harry “He Sure Gave Them Japs Hell” Truman
said “Let’s try Nagasaki, to make sure these things
do perform reliably. And we’ll have no damn regrets.
After all, they’re only Japs! It ain’t like they’re human.”
[Nagasaki Day]
ONCE WAS NOT ENOUGH
Not satisfied with unleashing the nuclear demon
on Hiroshima, a city with virtually no military targets,
Harry “He Sure Gave Them Japs Hell” Truman
said “Let’s try Nagasaki, to make sure these things
do perform reliably. And we’ll have no damn regrets.
After all, they’re only Japs! It ain’t like they’re human.”
August 8, 2022
[Very Current Events]
“Boo-hoo!” sobbed The Donald
So the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago, eh?
If Trump and Co. didn’t have enough time
to destroy any incriminating evidence,
they should be jailed for incompetence
at the commission of a Federal crime!
But it’s all pretty much much ado about
nothing, for—and I’ll say it yet again--
Trump will serve as many days behind
bars as famous predecessor R.M. Nixon.
Which is to say, for benefit of any young
readers, nary a single blessed day!
[Very Current Events]
“Boo-hoo!” sobbed The Donald
So the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago, eh?
If Trump and Co. didn’t have enough time
to destroy any incriminating evidence,
they should be jailed for incompetence
at the commission of a Federal crime!
But it’s all pretty much much ado about
nothing, for—and I’ll say it yet again--
Trump will serve as many days behind
bars as famous predecessor R.M. Nixon.
Which is to say, for benefit of any young
readers, nary a single blessed day!
August 7, 2022
“Hotter Than July” *
Okay, sure, mock me if you feel you must,
but I boldly hypothesize that this just
may be because the calendar now says August.
* This is the title of a Stevie Wonder album from long ago.
“Hotter Than July” *
Okay, sure, mock me if you feel you must,
but I boldly hypothesize that this just
may be because the calendar now says August.
* This is the title of a Stevie Wonder album from long ago.
August 6, 2022
[Hiroshima Day]
Mutually Assured Destruction
Once upon a time, the USA apparently
believed it had a moral right to a monopoly
on atomic weapons. “We’re always the good guy!”
Then Russia got the bomb; Julius and Ethel had to die.
And now these accursed weapons are all over the place,
calling into question the remaining lifespan of the human race.
Quite a concept, and it’s worked for 70 years: Mutually Assured Destruction.
Kindly show me the written guarantee that it’s not all a terrible delusion.
Mutually Assured Destruction
Once upon a time, the USA apparently
believed it had a moral right to a monopoly
on atomic weapons. “We’re always the good guy!”
Then Russia got the bomb; Julius and Ethel had to die.
And now these accursed weapons are all over the place,
calling into question the remaining lifespan of the human race.
Quite a concept, and it’s worked for 70 years: Mutually Assured Destruction.
Kindly show me the written guarantee that it’s not all a terrible delusion.
August 5, 2022
[Life’s Disappointments Department]
Say it ain’t so, Kim and Pete!!
My world lies shattered, tattered at my feet.
Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian have split.
Oh say it ain’t so, beloved Kim and Pete!!
[Life’s Disappointments Department]
Say it ain’t so, Kim and Pete!!
My world lies shattered, tattered at my feet.
Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian have split.
Oh say it ain’t so, beloved Kim and Pete!!
August 4, 2022
[Happy News Department]
It’s National Chocolate Chip Day!
Cookies, muffins, smooshed into Mint ice cream,
the application being celebrated ain’t specified.
But I love ’em any old way, that can’t be denied.
My spies in the field? I’m almost forced to deem
them failures. I only found out from a supermarket flyer
the real meaning of this date! But better late than never.
Please keep your chips in the ’fridge, given the weather!
[Happy News Department]
It’s National Chocolate Chip Day!
Cookies, muffins, smooshed into Mint ice cream,
the application being celebrated ain’t specified.
But I love ’em any old way, that can’t be denied.
My spies in the field? I’m almost forced to deem
them failures. I only found out from a supermarket flyer
the real meaning of this date! But better late than never.
Please keep your chips in the ’fridge, given the weather!
August 3, 2022
[Low-life in the News Department]
CONTRITION??
Now that Alex Jones is approaching
sentencing in a trial in Texas, this low
form of life, who intentionally rubbed
salt, and lemon juice for good measure,
into the emotional wounds of parents
of children murdered in the Sandy Hook
massacre, would have us believe he’s
seen the light. Yes, the shootings were
real, he now generously concedes. Will
he shed a tear over the pain he’s caused?
Will he do a Jimmy Swaggart and blubber?
His words and actions can’t be taken at
face value, that’s for damn sure.
For his “Infowars” engaged in non-stop
shoveling of pure horse manure.
[Low-life in the News Department]
CONTRITION??
Now that Alex Jones is approaching
sentencing in a trial in Texas, this low
form of life, who intentionally rubbed
salt, and lemon juice for good measure,
into the emotional wounds of parents
of children murdered in the Sandy Hook
massacre, would have us believe he’s
seen the light. Yes, the shootings were
real, he now generously concedes. Will
he shed a tear over the pain he’s caused?
Will he do a Jimmy Swaggart and blubber?
His words and actions can’t be taken at
face value, that’s for damn sure.
For his “Infowars” engaged in non-stop
shoveling of pure horse manure.
August 2, 2022
VICTORY LAPS AROUND THE ROSE GARDEN
And now Biden gets to do victory laps around
the Rose Garden, to celebrate an assassination.
“The Rule of Law”? It simply does not apply when
someone is declared a Terrorist Menace, leader
of just another shadowy bogeyman operation.
But fear not, convenient replacements will be
found—call Central Casting! Who knows who
and what is really behind these sordid machinations?
But are those the ghosts of Allen and John Foster Dulles
I spy, lurking in corners when Biden holds meetings
of the heads of the US’s seventeen intel organizations?
VICTORY LAPS AROUND THE ROSE GARDEN
And now Biden gets to do victory laps around
the Rose Garden, to celebrate an assassination.
“The Rule of Law”? It simply does not apply when
someone is declared a Terrorist Menace, leader
of just another shadowy bogeyman operation.
But fear not, convenient replacements will be
found—call Central Casting! Who knows who
and what is really behind these sordid machinations?
But are those the ghosts of Allen and John Foster Dulles
I spy, lurking in corners when Biden holds meetings
of the heads of the US’s seventeen intel organizations?
August 1, 2022
Poke the Bear, Provoke the Dragon
Not content with having launched World War III
in slow motion on Russia’s border, the Biden Gang
now does its best to irk China into a shooting war
in the Pacific region. Peaceful coexistence? Phooey!
Where’s the excitement and the profit in that? Oh, Joe!
I didn’t think you’d be such bad, bad news! If we
still have a world in two years’ time, you force me
to consider voting for the godawful Grand Old Party!
Poke the Bear, Provoke the Dragon
Not content with having launched World War III
in slow motion on Russia’s border, the Biden Gang
now does its best to irk China into a shooting war
in the Pacific region. Peaceful coexistence? Phooey!
Where’s the excitement and the profit in that? Oh, Joe!
I didn’t think you’d be such bad, bad news! If we
still have a world in two years’ time, you force me
to consider voting for the godawful Grand Old Party!
July 31, 2022
[Fond Remembrances Department]
A Farewell to ‘Uhura’
And now we must bid farewell to Nichelle Nichols,
who once sang with the Duke Ellington Orchestra;
later ‘Uhura,’ an important member of the crew
of Starship Enterprise in the original “Star Trek”
TV series. She was credited with television’s “first
interracial kiss,” with William Shatner, in one episode.
Series creator/producer Gene Roddenberry, a fellow
most clever, made sure the two were forced to
engage in this by the villains of the story, hoping TV
stations in the Deep South—you know, states like
current day Indiana and Ohio!—wouldn’t explode
over that incident. Some stations still said “No!”
DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Leonard Nimoy
and Roddenberry himself, all gone. But Shatner
abides, just keeps trucking along. Good for you, Bill!
ALSO NOTED: Bill Russell, perhaps the first truly
modern “big man” in basketball, has likewise shuffled
off that mortal coil. And quirky film director Bob Rafelson
has followed suit. I never “got” what was supposed to
be so special about Five Easy Pieces. Give me Stay Hungry
or Mountains of the Moon over the former any old day.
[Fond Remembrances Department]
A Farewell to ‘Uhura’
And now we must bid farewell to Nichelle Nichols,
who once sang with the Duke Ellington Orchestra;
later ‘Uhura,’ an important member of the crew
of Starship Enterprise in the original “Star Trek”
TV series. She was credited with television’s “first
interracial kiss,” with William Shatner, in one episode.
Series creator/producer Gene Roddenberry, a fellow
most clever, made sure the two were forced to
engage in this by the villains of the story, hoping TV
stations in the Deep South—you know, states like
current day Indiana and Ohio!—wouldn’t explode
over that incident. Some stations still said “No!”
DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Leonard Nimoy
and Roddenberry himself, all gone. But Shatner
abides, just keeps trucking along. Good for you, Bill!
ALSO NOTED: Bill Russell, perhaps the first truly
modern “big man” in basketball, has likewise shuffled
off that mortal coil. And quirky film director Bob Rafelson
has followed suit. I never “got” what was supposed to
be so special about Five Easy Pieces. Give me Stay Hungry
or Mountains of the Moon over the former any old day.
July 30, 2022
Water, Water Everywhere
While floods wash away houses, vehicles,
livestock and people in Kentucky, where I
live we’ve had no rain to speak of in over
a month. But this is exactly the kind of
pattern climate scientists predicted, whether
those on the receiving end of this disaster
cared to believe it or preferred to deny, deny, deny.
Water, Water Everywhere
While floods wash away houses, vehicles,
livestock and people in Kentucky, where I
live we’ve had no rain to speak of in over
a month. But this is exactly the kind of
pattern climate scientists predicted, whether
those on the receiving end of this disaster
cared to believe it or preferred to deny, deny, deny.
July 29, 2022
The Poet's Night Out
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Left: Fueling up before the event--locally (West Hartford, CT) made Rum Raisin ice cream on apple pie. Your poet does love his dessert!...Right: Reading some of my poems at open mic night at Quaker Meeting House. The audience was either stunned or horrified, not sure which!...Photos courtesy of Jim Brasile, Veterans For Peace, Connecticut.
July 28, 2022
[Absurd Reporting Department]
“The most notorious arms dealer in the world”
NPR News today was a genuine hoot!
They declared the Russian citizen being
considered for a prisoner swap to bring
basketball player Griner back home “the
most notorious arms dealer in the world”!!
Dear NPR: Please go to the roof of your
headquarters building in Washington D.C.
and train binoculars toward Arlington, VA.
It should be hard to miss that five-sided
monstrosity known as the Pentagon. Okay,
focus . . . do you have it in view? Good for you!
Now you’re beholding the most notorious arms
dealer in the world! But you won’t report that
on the air, because corporations that profit
from death and destruction are among your
corporate underwriters. Is that not true??
[Absurd Reporting Department]
“The most notorious arms dealer in the world”
NPR News today was a genuine hoot!
They declared the Russian citizen being
considered for a prisoner swap to bring
basketball player Griner back home “the
most notorious arms dealer in the world”!!
Dear NPR: Please go to the roof of your
headquarters building in Washington D.C.
and train binoculars toward Arlington, VA.
It should be hard to miss that five-sided
monstrosity known as the Pentagon. Okay,
focus . . . do you have it in view? Good for you!
Now you’re beholding the most notorious arms
dealer in the world! But you won’t report that
on the air, because corporations that profit
from death and destruction are among your
corporate underwriters. Is that not true??
July 27, 2022
[Economic Game Playing Department]
Are we in a recession? Joe says “NO!”
The Economic Cycles Research Institute--
ain’t that a mouthful, voot!—defines a recession
as two or more calendar quarters consecutively
showing contracting economic activity.
But “recession” is a dirty word for sitting
presidents, so they often boldly deny reality.
When things are going well, politicians are first in line
to try to claim credit for things being ever so fine.
When the economy takes a dastardly dive to Hell,
it must be the fault of “the other guys!” So Biden
puts on a brave face, decides terms to redefine.
“We’re not in a recession,” Joe declares repeatedly.
The economy, well it’s kind of a funny beast
that’ll bite a politician in the ass when expected least.
[Economic Game Playing Department]
Are we in a recession? Joe says “NO!”
The Economic Cycles Research Institute--
ain’t that a mouthful, voot!—defines a recession
as two or more calendar quarters consecutively
showing contracting economic activity.
But “recession” is a dirty word for sitting
presidents, so they often boldly deny reality.
When things are going well, politicians are first in line
to try to claim credit for things being ever so fine.
When the economy takes a dastardly dive to Hell,
it must be the fault of “the other guys!” So Biden
puts on a brave face, decides terms to redefine.
“We’re not in a recession,” Joe declares repeatedly.
The economy, well it’s kind of a funny beast
that’ll bite a politician in the ass when expected least.
26 Julio 2022
!Viva Fidel!
On this date 69 years ago,
Fidel Castro led a small band
of revolutionaries in an attack bold
on a Batista army outpost, the Moncada Barracks.
Fidel was captured, tortured, tried, imprisoned.
But he defended himself at trial, declared
before the world “History will absolve me.”
By New Year’s 1959, dictator Batista had to flee.
US mobsters lost their lucrative
gambling, drug and prostitution foothold.
US interests have never forgiven the Cuban
people for this, and have worked assiduously
for over six decades to make their lives misery.
But the Revolution has survived, to the chagrin
and fury of the Norte-Americanos and boot-
licking gusanos! !Viva la revolucion Cubana,
y viva, viva Comandante Fidel! Yanquis fuera y,
por favor, Go straight to Hell, diablos!
On this date 69 years ago,
Fidel Castro led a small band
of revolutionaries in an attack bold
on a Batista army outpost, the Moncada Barracks.
Fidel was captured, tortured, tried, imprisoned.
But he defended himself at trial, declared
before the world “History will absolve me.”
By New Year’s 1959, dictator Batista had to flee.
US mobsters lost their lucrative
gambling, drug and prostitution foothold.
US interests have never forgiven the Cuban
people for this, and have worked assiduously
for over six decades to make their lives misery.
But the Revolution has survived, to the chagrin
and fury of the Norte-Americanos and boot-
licking gusanos! !Viva la revolucion Cubana,
y viva, viva Comandante Fidel! Yanquis fuera y,
por favor, Go straight to Hell, diablos!
[BONUS!]:
Choice new DVD releases of the week
How you gonna go wrong with Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in Hell?!
“Beefcake” meets slasher movie, perhaps? Sounds really swell!
But how about this? Karate Girl: Kick to the Groin Edition!
Sounds like it might, verily, border on the Shakespearian!!
Choice new DVD releases of the week
How you gonna go wrong with Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in Hell?!
“Beefcake” meets slasher movie, perhaps? Sounds really swell!
But how about this? Karate Girl: Kick to the Groin Edition!
Sounds like it might, verily, border on the Shakespearian!!
July 25, 2022
[Hey Reverend, how about sharing the Prosperity? Department]
My favorite headline in a long, long time!
[from CNN]:
“Pastor robbed at gunpoint of more than $1 million in jewelry
during sermon”!! It happened in Brooklyn, NY, naturally.
Doubtless this good shepherd of the Lord was bedecked
in all that bling to show that “the Gospel of Prosperity”
delivers. For him, at least. For his faithful flock, a bit of a shock.
Seems no doubt that profoundly deep is the well of gullibility.
[Hey Reverend, how about sharing the Prosperity? Department]
My favorite headline in a long, long time!
[from CNN]:
“Pastor robbed at gunpoint of more than $1 million in jewelry
during sermon”!! It happened in Brooklyn, NY, naturally.
Doubtless this good shepherd of the Lord was bedecked
in all that bling to show that “the Gospel of Prosperity”
delivers. For him, at least. For his faithful flock, a bit of a shock.
Seems no doubt that profoundly deep is the well of gullibility.
July 24, 2022
[Paleontological Debates Department]
But what about those silly little forelimbs??
While a debate rages in scientific circles about
whether Tyrannosaurus rex was one species or three,
I’m still fascinated by the hypothesis that cast doubt
on whether the old guy or gal was really a predator
fierce, or more like a ludicrously large scavenger.
Yeah, some folks were saying—this was quite a few
years ago—that ol’ T-rex was like a huge turkey vulture!
As soon as my time machine is up and running,
I plan to take a little trip and fetch the answer!
[Paleontological Debates Department]
But what about those silly little forelimbs??
While a debate rages in scientific circles about
whether Tyrannosaurus rex was one species or three,
I’m still fascinated by the hypothesis that cast doubt
on whether the old guy or gal was really a predator
fierce, or more like a ludicrously large scavenger.
Yeah, some folks were saying—this was quite a few
years ago—that ol’ T-rex was like a huge turkey vulture!
As soon as my time machine is up and running,
I plan to take a little trip and fetch the answer!
July 23, 2022
[Contemporary Sports Scene Department]
Ode to Sydney
Sydney a major city Down Under may be,
but this is an ode to Ms. McLaughlin and
her beauty stunning. World-Record-busting
in her 400 Metres Hurdles Final in Oregon.
Yes, she has beauty and great athletic ability.
Eyebrows to die for! Hollywood or the High
Fashion runway may soon be beckoning.
Rake it in while you can, kid, is my
advice. And forgive an old geezer’s lusting!
My libido, you see, is still functioning.
[Contemporary Sports Scene Department]
Ode to Sydney
Sydney a major city Down Under may be,
but this is an ode to Ms. McLaughlin and
her beauty stunning. World-Record-busting
in her 400 Metres Hurdles Final in Oregon.
Yes, she has beauty and great athletic ability.
Eyebrows to die for! Hollywood or the High
Fashion runway may soon be beckoning.
Rake it in while you can, kid, is my
advice. And forgive an old geezer’s lusting!
My libido, you see, is still functioning.
July 22, 2022
[A prophet without honor speaks]
Once upon a time . . . and the future
Once upon a time there was a globe
most magnificent circling the Sun.
Life blossomed there, spread everywhere--
finding a way to survive even in the
most inhospitable, hostile environments--
and one specie evolved a large lobe
or two of pretty complex nerve cells.
Generations innumerable did pass, and
we find this creature has instituted governments
supposedly devoted to the social welfare
of all. But “certain vested interests,” as
Capitalists were subtly described by Orson Welles,
tightened their grip on society and decided war--
as long as they didn’t have to personally participate--
was so much fun they’d rather have it precipitate
than address the grave climate problems
we’ve all now been burdened with. But no matter!
The corporate profits keep on rolling merrily along
and the fat cats in their mega-mansions party on.
Some day it will all have turned to dust, blown
by a very hot wind as planetary fires rage.
The Universe will look upon all this with its
usual indifference: “Well, we can close that page.
Homo sapiens. How pathetic. The end of an age.”
Once upon a time . . . and the future
Once upon a time there was a globe
most magnificent circling the Sun.
Life blossomed there, spread everywhere--
finding a way to survive even in the
most inhospitable, hostile environments--
and one specie evolved a large lobe
or two of pretty complex nerve cells.
Generations innumerable did pass, and
we find this creature has instituted governments
supposedly devoted to the social welfare
of all. But “certain vested interests,” as
Capitalists were subtly described by Orson Welles,
tightened their grip on society and decided war--
as long as they didn’t have to personally participate--
was so much fun they’d rather have it precipitate
than address the grave climate problems
we’ve all now been burdened with. But no matter!
The corporate profits keep on rolling merrily along
and the fat cats in their mega-mansions party on.
Some day it will all have turned to dust, blown
by a very hot wind as planetary fires rage.
The Universe will look upon all this with its
usual indifference: “Well, we can close that page.
Homo sapiens. How pathetic. The end of an age.”
July 21, 2022
[True Stories Department]
Memo to Cricketdom
On the stairs leading down to my basement
I discovered a live member of your tribe.
She declined my invitation to hop into a foam
coffee cup so I could take her outside to
relative safety. I had nothing to use for a bribe.
So let the record reflect: if a spider gets her,
or I accidentally step on her in the darkness,
though you may find my attitude reprehensible,
I tried to save her, and for any damage I ain’t responsible!
[True Stories Department]
Memo to Cricketdom
On the stairs leading down to my basement
I discovered a live member of your tribe.
She declined my invitation to hop into a foam
coffee cup so I could take her outside to
relative safety. I had nothing to use for a bribe.
So let the record reflect: if a spider gets her,
or I accidentally step on her in the darkness,
though you may find my attitude reprehensible,
I tried to save her, and for any damage I ain’t responsible!
July 20, 2022
[Unrequited Love Department]
My Newest “Crush”
My newest “crush” (and I get ’em often!)
is on Valarie Allman, who plies a profession
alien to the average American: she hurls
the discus, and is world class at it, though
she had to settle for Bronze Medal at the
World Championships of Track and Field,
called “Athletics” in most of the world. But Val
is downright svelte compared to the competition.
She’s poetry in motion, believe it, as she whirls
and whirls and lets that aerodynamic platter fly.
But she doesn’t even know that I exist (sigh).
[Unrequited Love Department]
My Newest “Crush”
My newest “crush” (and I get ’em often!)
is on Valarie Allman, who plies a profession
alien to the average American: she hurls
the discus, and is world class at it, though
she had to settle for Bronze Medal at the
World Championships of Track and Field,
called “Athletics” in most of the world. But Val
is downright svelte compared to the competition.
She’s poetry in motion, believe it, as she whirls
and whirls and lets that aerodynamic platter fly.
But she doesn’t even know that I exist (sigh).
July 19, 2022
[“The trouble with normal is it always gets worse” * Department]
WHAT’S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT??
The news media seem shocked—shocked!!--
that Western Europe is melting down in heat
unprecedented. Scientists have known for
literally decades that this was coming. But
it constituted the Ultimate Inconvenient Truth,
so denial became the mandatory frame of mind.
The fact that I’ve felt it necessary to underline
this situation repeatedly is all the needed proof
of a simple proposition: “We’re all freaking doomed!”
* attribute quote to Canadian singer-songwriter Bruce Cockburn
[“The trouble with normal is it always gets worse” * Department]
WHAT’S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT??
The news media seem shocked—shocked!!--
that Western Europe is melting down in heat
unprecedented. Scientists have known for
literally decades that this was coming. But
it constituted the Ultimate Inconvenient Truth,
so denial became the mandatory frame of mind.
The fact that I’ve felt it necessary to underline
this situation repeatedly is all the needed proof
of a simple proposition: “We’re all freaking doomed!”
* attribute quote to Canadian singer-songwriter Bruce Cockburn
July 18, 2022
And all’s right with the world . . .
So who cares that the world’s on fire
and humans have never acted so irrationally?
J-Lo and Ben Affleck got married, ditch the ire!
Sleep soundly, peace will soon reign internationally!
And all’s right with the world . . .
So who cares that the world’s on fire
and humans have never acted so irrationally?
J-Lo and Ben Affleck got married, ditch the ire!
Sleep soundly, peace will soon reign internationally!
July 17, 2022
[Bottomless Barrel of Revolting Developments Department]
400 Cops and No One in Charge
It’s been reported that about 400 cops
and sundry other emergency personnel
responded to the call for help in Uvalde.
While they stalled, dithered, hesitated,
a crazed gunman showed the depth of his hatred
and made for those trapped inside a living Hell.
[Bottomless Barrel of Revolting Developments Department]
400 Cops and No One in Charge
It’s been reported that about 400 cops
and sundry other emergency personnel
responded to the call for help in Uvalde.
While they stalled, dithered, hesitated,
a crazed gunman showed the depth of his hatred
and made for those trapped inside a living Hell.
July 16, 2022
[Not “new news” but still . . . Department]
Worst Beard in the World
I just suffered another accidental exposure to
a photo of Texas Senator Ted Cruz and that
horrid thing on his face he deems a beard.
It’s been several years now since that thing appeared.
You know what, Ted? Your politics are so disgusting
that even if I found your beard admirable you
could in my face that thing be constantly thrusting
but you’d never win me over to your point of view.
[Not “new news” but still . . . Department]
Worst Beard in the World
I just suffered another accidental exposure to
a photo of Texas Senator Ted Cruz and that
horrid thing on his face he deems a beard.
It’s been several years now since that thing appeared.
You know what, Ted? Your politics are so disgusting
that even if I found your beard admirable you
could in my face that thing be constantly thrusting
but you’d never win me over to your point of view.
July 15, 2022
[Current Hypocritical Events Department]
Call him “Mr. Diplomacy”!
Joe Biden went to Israel and pledged eternal US fealty;
nothing new there for a US president, certainly.
But his hosts seemed to display a certain indignity
because he merely vowed the US would attack Iran
a bit farther down the road, not with Israel’s preferred alacrity.
You see, the Iranians are very naughty, they claim sovereignty.
The nerve! Where Ukraine’s concerned, it’s “Sovereignty!
Sovereignty! US solidarity!” But this is denied Iran, which
thinks it has a right to nuclear activity. So Iran remains high
on the Hit List—just another designated enemy!
Call him “Mr. Diplomacy”!
Joe Biden went to Israel and pledged eternal US fealty;
nothing new there for a US president, certainly.
But his hosts seemed to display a certain indignity
because he merely vowed the US would attack Iran
a bit farther down the road, not with Israel’s preferred alacrity.
You see, the Iranians are very naughty, they claim sovereignty.
The nerve! Where Ukraine’s concerned, it’s “Sovereignty!
Sovereignty! US solidarity!” But this is denied Iran, which
thinks it has a right to nuclear activity. So Iran remains high
on the Hit List—just another designated enemy!
July 14, 2022
Bastille Day, Sri Lanka Style
In Sri Lanka this year, Bastille Day came early,
as masses of the downtrodden did force
the island nation’s president to flee.
The power of the people brought this divorce.
A welcome contrast with the US’s “Occupy”
crowd, which declared “We don’t want leaders”
and evaporated just like the morning dew
when club-wielding cops said “We’re coming for you!”
Bastille Day, Sri Lanka Style
In Sri Lanka this year, Bastille Day came early,
as masses of the downtrodden did force
the island nation’s president to flee.
The power of the people brought this divorce.
A welcome contrast with the US’s “Occupy”
crowd, which declared “We don’t want leaders”
and evaporated just like the morning dew
when club-wielding cops said “We’re coming for you!”
July 13, 2022
The all-important selfie!
Why did God create Mount Vesuvius?
To swallow idiot tourists, ain’t it obvious?
The all-important selfie!
Why did God create Mount Vesuvius?
To swallow idiot tourists, ain’t it obvious?
July 12, 2022
[Business as Usual Department]
Joe Biden “makes Hajj”
Joe Biden is off to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia,
that staunch US ally, to kiss the rings of
the princes. Just as has virtually every POTUS
of recent vintage. Will he attempt a sword dance?!
Why has this revolting ritual become mandatory?
The answer is laughably simple: only one commodity
in the modern world is absolutely indispensable.
It’s not fertile soil, not even clean water potable.
It’s the crude one, of course: “black gold,” “Texas tea.”
Funny, but not that many years ago we were told
that, thanks to that wonderful technology
fracking, we’d become “independent” for energy!
Amerika’s own potentates take corporate profitability
as seriously as any devout Muslim takes his or her
religious responsibilities. “We’re just looking out
for the interests of our shareholders” they’ll tell
us with straight faces. The planet’s going to hell?
“Not my concern” is their supremely uncaring mantra.
[Business as Usual Department]
Joe Biden “makes Hajj”
Joe Biden is off to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia,
that staunch US ally, to kiss the rings of
the princes. Just as has virtually every POTUS
of recent vintage. Will he attempt a sword dance?!
Why has this revolting ritual become mandatory?
The answer is laughably simple: only one commodity
in the modern world is absolutely indispensable.
It’s not fertile soil, not even clean water potable.
It’s the crude one, of course: “black gold,” “Texas tea.”
Funny, but not that many years ago we were told
that, thanks to that wonderful technology
fracking, we’d become “independent” for energy!
Amerika’s own potentates take corporate profitability
as seriously as any devout Muslim takes his or her
religious responsibilities. “We’re just looking out
for the interests of our shareholders” they’ll tell
us with straight faces. The planet’s going to hell?
“Not my concern” is their supremely uncaring mantra.
July 11, 2022
[Is this a great country or what? Department]
“7-Eleven Day”??
So, when did it become “a thing” in Southern California
to go, on July 11, to 7-Eleven convenience stores
and get your kicks shooting folks at random?
Is this the way some young idiots combat boredom?
Idiots—young, middle-aged or in their dotage--
in Amerika we certainly suffer no shortage.
It’s time to dump that archaic motto “e pluribus unum”
in favor of “Amerika: Idiots. You want ’em, we got ’em!
Load up your cart, two-for-price-of-one, come get some!”
[Is this a great country or what? Department]
“7-Eleven Day”??
So, when did it become “a thing” in Southern California
to go, on July 11, to 7-Eleven convenience stores
and get your kicks shooting folks at random?
Is this the way some young idiots combat boredom?
Idiots—young, middle-aged or in their dotage--
in Amerika we certainly suffer no shortage.
It’s time to dump that archaic motto “e pluribus unum”
in favor of “Amerika: Idiots. You want ’em, we got ’em!
Load up your cart, two-for-price-of-one, come get some!”
July 10, 2022
[“I ain’t buying it” Department]
Come off it, New York Times!
The Times has an ongoing feature about
how couples getting married—they tend
to be upper-middle-class types, a turn-off
for this reader—first met one another by
chance. [yawn] Today’s entry in said feature
spotlights a bride, an alluring creature
with a name that purportedly is Jamie MoCrazy!
That’s right, Jamie MoCrazy. An affectation
surely. Sorry, Times, I can’t take this seriously.
[“I ain’t buying it” Department]
Come off it, New York Times!
The Times has an ongoing feature about
how couples getting married—they tend
to be upper-middle-class types, a turn-off
for this reader—first met one another by
chance. [yawn] Today’s entry in said feature
spotlights a bride, an alluring creature
with a name that purportedly is Jamie MoCrazy!
That’s right, Jamie MoCrazy. An affectation
surely. Sorry, Times, I can’t take this seriously.
July 9, 2022
[Obituary Department]
R.I.P. TONY SIRICO
A frequent committer of malapropism offenses,
fundamentally a psycho swinging for the fences.
That was Tony Sirico in his sterling performance
as ‘Paulie’ on “The Sopranos.” One of my favorite
players in gangster roles, along with Vincent Pastore
and Frank Vincent. Gone are “The Sopranos,”
James Gondolfini having passed first. Gone is the glory.
[Obituary Department]
R.I.P. TONY SIRICO
A frequent committer of malapropism offenses,
fundamentally a psycho swinging for the fences.
That was Tony Sirico in his sterling performance
as ‘Paulie’ on “The Sopranos.” One of my favorite
players in gangster roles, along with Vincent Pastore
and Frank Vincent. Gone are “The Sopranos,”
James Gondolfini having passed first. Gone is the glory.
July 8, 2022
Gun Violence in Japan and USA Contrasted
In the wake of the murder of former PM Shinzo Abe,
it’s been reported that there was but one murder
by firearms in Japan in all of year 2021. Here
in “the land of the free,” we hit the 250-mark for
mass shootings before the first of this month.
How can this be? Well, obviously Japan’s constitution
has no equivalent of our outdated Second Amendment,
and lobbying of parliament by gun manufacturers
is probably against the law. Strict laws and their
strict enforcement apparently forced the assassin
to make his own gun at home! The contrast between
our two societies in this regard actually stunned me.
We live here in a literally depraved society, and no
one anywhere is any longer safe. I call this a
self-evident truth, and USA deserves to be held
up to world-wide ridicule, disgrace and shame.
This poem has no real rhyme scheme, but it
simply cried out to be written. And so it was.
Gun Violence in Japan and USA Contrasted
In the wake of the murder of former PM Shinzo Abe,
it’s been reported that there was but one murder
by firearms in Japan in all of year 2021. Here
in “the land of the free,” we hit the 250-mark for
mass shootings before the first of this month.
How can this be? Well, obviously Japan’s constitution
has no equivalent of our outdated Second Amendment,
and lobbying of parliament by gun manufacturers
is probably against the law. Strict laws and their
strict enforcement apparently forced the assassin
to make his own gun at home! The contrast between
our two societies in this regard actually stunned me.
We live here in a literally depraved society, and no
one anywhere is any longer safe. I call this a
self-evident truth, and USA deserves to be held
up to world-wide ridicule, disgrace and shame.
This poem has no real rhyme scheme, but it
simply cried out to be written. And so it was.
July 7, 2022
Evolved Dinosaurs? Ha!! They’re Nothing but Winged Vermin!
I’ve had it “up to here” with my local bird population!
This year, like no other previous, has seen real escalation:
the usual poops on my car as a whole, but now
extra-sloppy, watery numbers on the windshield.
The streaks this stuff leaves just don’t wanna yield
to any manner of soap or window-cleaning product.
Clearly they’re going out of their way to leave such stain,
a new element in the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy
against me, I am logically compelled to maintain!
Evolved Dinosaurs? Ha!! They’re Nothing but Winged Vermin!
I’ve had it “up to here” with my local bird population!
This year, like no other previous, has seen real escalation:
the usual poops on my car as a whole, but now
extra-sloppy, watery numbers on the windshield.
The streaks this stuff leaves just don’t wanna yield
to any manner of soap or window-cleaning product.
Clearly they’re going out of their way to leave such stain,
a new element in the Vast Right-wing Conspiracy
against me, I am logically compelled to maintain!
July 6, 2022
The Atrocity in Akron, or How Many Bullets Does It Take to Fell a Fleeing Suspect?
How many bullets does it take to fell a fleeing suspect?
Shouldn’t ten suffice, ripping into flesh, in this respect?
Let’s double that, call it a nice round twenty.
Should that many bullets not have been plenty?
No, not enough for cops in Akron.
“Come on, boys, let’s pour it on!”
Acting like the pack animals they are,
they kept the deadly stream swelling.
Thirty rounds found flesh, then forty, then fifty.
“Are we cops or pussies? Let’s go for sixty!”
And so they did, and having reduced a human body
to mincemeat, they put handcuffs on what remained.
“Can’t take chances, boys. He could be a zombie!”
I declare before the world, this police action
was nothing less than an abomination, an atrocity.
July 5, 2022
[Joys of Modern Life Department]
Are computers ever not fun?!
The other evening I found a voicemail
on my phone, a local emergency alert:
some 87-year-old fellow from next town over,
it seems, had decided to become a rover.
His description was enunciated by a female
computerized voice, which stated the man
gone missing was rather slight of build,
had grey hair (there’s a shocker!), and, I
quote verbatim, was “5 minutes 7 seconds tall”!
That made my night, and don’t it beat all?!
[Joys of Modern Life Department]
Are computers ever not fun?!
The other evening I found a voicemail
on my phone, a local emergency alert:
some 87-year-old fellow from next town over,
it seems, had decided to become a rover.
His description was enunciated by a female
computerized voice, which stated the man
gone missing was rather slight of build,
had grey hair (there’s a shocker!), and, I
quote verbatim, was “5 minutes 7 seconds tall”!
That made my night, and don’t it beat all?!
July 4, 2022
Cadence calls for 4th of July (rejected)
[Introduction: I was invited to write some cadence calls for a contingent of members of Veterans for Peace participating in a July 4 small town parade. This, for edification of those who’ve never been in the military or seen a movie about Basic Training, is a call-and-response drill between the Drill Sergeant and the troops. The intent is to help keep everyone in coordinated marching formation, to keep a rhythm that dictates when the left foot should hit the ground. My suggestion was rejected as too militant! Wouldn’t want to risk offending these small-town flag-waving yokels! Below is what I had contributed.]
Russian people ain’t our enemy,
but the Pentagon wants World War 3!
(Left, left, left right! Left, left, far right! [Insert between the other couplets below.])
They spend a trillion bucks a year,
and the rich get richer, ain’t it clear!
They’re chippin’ away our liberty,
they’re addicted to war, oh can’t you see!
We’ll tell our grandkids not to go,
we’ve seen all your tricks befo’!
We won’t buy your lies this time,
you must be sick and out yo’ mind!
Cadence calls for 4th of July (rejected)
[Introduction: I was invited to write some cadence calls for a contingent of members of Veterans for Peace participating in a July 4 small town parade. This, for edification of those who’ve never been in the military or seen a movie about Basic Training, is a call-and-response drill between the Drill Sergeant and the troops. The intent is to help keep everyone in coordinated marching formation, to keep a rhythm that dictates when the left foot should hit the ground. My suggestion was rejected as too militant! Wouldn’t want to risk offending these small-town flag-waving yokels! Below is what I had contributed.]
Russian people ain’t our enemy,
but the Pentagon wants World War 3!
(Left, left, left right! Left, left, far right! [Insert between the other couplets below.])
They spend a trillion bucks a year,
and the rich get richer, ain’t it clear!
They’re chippin’ away our liberty,
they’re addicted to war, oh can’t you see!
We’ll tell our grandkids not to go,
we’ve seen all your tricks befo’!
We won’t buy your lies this time,
you must be sick and out yo’ mind!
July 3, 2022
[Apocalypse Now Department]
Run for your lives, it’s the Giant African Land Snail!!
Just when we thought things in Florida had gotten
as deep into Bizarro-World as any state could,
comes news not even from the world of politics:
the Giant African Land Snail has arrived!!
Be cautious in the meadow, alert in the glade,
for God’s sake stay away from the wood rotten!
This invasive species might swallow you whole!
Okay, slight exaggeration, they ain’t that big,
but if they could be persuaded to severely “slime”
a certain governor down there, for me
it would be cause for a celebration sublime!
No, wait, come to think of it, blimey,
no need for zoological intervention--
that guy couldn’t hardly get any more slimy!!
[Apocalypse Now Department]
Run for your lives, it’s the Giant African Land Snail!!
Just when we thought things in Florida had gotten
as deep into Bizarro-World as any state could,
comes news not even from the world of politics:
the Giant African Land Snail has arrived!!
Be cautious in the meadow, alert in the glade,
for God’s sake stay away from the wood rotten!
This invasive species might swallow you whole!
Okay, slight exaggeration, they ain’t that big,
but if they could be persuaded to severely “slime”
a certain governor down there, for me
it would be cause for a celebration sublime!
No, wait, come to think of it, blimey,
no need for zoological intervention--
that guy couldn’t hardly get any more slimy!!
July 2, 2022
[Economics Department]
The Ol’ Capitalist Double-Whammy
When manufacturers reduce the quantity of a product
(like when the pint of Haagen-Dazs suddenly became
a container of only 14 ounces lo’ those many years ago),
and the price at retail remains the same,
it’s a good bet they’ll soon also raise the price for
this lesser amount of product A, B, C, X, Y or Z.
And that’s what I call “the Ol’ Capitalist Double-Whammy.”
[Economics Department]
The Ol’ Capitalist Double-Whammy
When manufacturers reduce the quantity of a product
(like when the pint of Haagen-Dazs suddenly became
a container of only 14 ounces lo’ those many years ago),
and the price at retail remains the same,
it’s a good bet they’ll soon also raise the price for
this lesser amount of product A, B, C, X, Y or Z.
And that’s what I call “the Ol’ Capitalist Double-Whammy.”
July 1, 2022
[Department as previous]
Gorillas in the Fog (of War)
‘Mad Dog’ Mattis, formerly Secretary of War,
says “Russia is withering before our eyes.”
The generals and the admirals at the Pentagon
are pounding their chests like a silverback gorilla.
It’s a big fat war they’re salivating for.
The writing’s on the wall, ten feet high, please realize:
they intend to take America to direct war against
Russia. They think they’re tougher than Godzilla!
They’re all pumped up for a wider war, think
it will be like shooting fish in a barrel (wink!);
Evil Russkies, their weapons outdated, easy prey.
I happen to hold a dissenting view (that’s why I’m so
popular, you see!) on wherein dwells the Devil.
His address? Washington, D.C. And the bills for
his machinations? As always, you and I will pay.
[Department as previous]
Gorillas in the Fog (of War)
‘Mad Dog’ Mattis, formerly Secretary of War,
says “Russia is withering before our eyes.”
The generals and the admirals at the Pentagon
are pounding their chests like a silverback gorilla.
It’s a big fat war they’re salivating for.
The writing’s on the wall, ten feet high, please realize:
they intend to take America to direct war against
Russia. They think they’re tougher than Godzilla!
They’re all pumped up for a wider war, think
it will be like shooting fish in a barrel (wink!);
Evil Russkies, their weapons outdated, easy prey.
I happen to hold a dissenting view (that’s why I’m so
popular, you see!) on wherein dwells the Devil.
His address? Washington, D.C. And the bills for
his machinations? As always, you and I will pay.
June 30, 2022
[Revolting Current Events Department, ongoing]
Joe Biden, Man of Peace
At conclusion of the NATO Summit,
Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr. had
big news to tell, making me want to vomit:
a major escalation of military tensions
on the European continent. More
US troops, more US weapons to be
deployed there. Take that, Evil Mr. Putin!
Joe’s gonna kick your ass!! Gee, thanks
Joe! We all know the world needs more tanks,
fighter jets, missiles and artillery rounds.
Nothing quite like a juicy, raging war to
quicken the American pulse! Too bad
for the planet, but there’s no profit in peace.
So let the environment collapse, who needs it?
Yeah, “America is back!” alright. (Funny,
Joe, that’s just what Mr. Trump said!)
Wave those flags, boy and girls,
as we all drown in “patriotic” bullshit.
[Revolting Current Events Department, ongoing]
Joe Biden, Man of Peace
At conclusion of the NATO Summit,
Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr. had
big news to tell, making me want to vomit:
a major escalation of military tensions
on the European continent. More
US troops, more US weapons to be
deployed there. Take that, Evil Mr. Putin!
Joe’s gonna kick your ass!! Gee, thanks
Joe! We all know the world needs more tanks,
fighter jets, missiles and artillery rounds.
Nothing quite like a juicy, raging war to
quicken the American pulse! Too bad
for the planet, but there’s no profit in peace.
So let the environment collapse, who needs it?
Yeah, “America is back!” alright. (Funny,
Joe, that’s just what Mr. Trump said!)
Wave those flags, boy and girls,
as we all drown in “patriotic” bullshit.
June 29, 2022
SPIDERS!
I won’t go so far as to say I’m
an arachnophile (SpellCheck
suggests that’s a neologism, and
I’ll happily take the credit, thanks),
but among the Animal Kingdom’s
astonishingly varied and widespread ranks,
spiders are pretty darned remarkable.
Seen close-up, they’re other-worldly.
More eyes than you can shake a stick at!
Spinning webs of stronger-than-steel silk!
Do you find my admiring words ridiculous?
That just shows how out of touch
with Nature are you and your ilk.
I think Arachnids will be with us a long time.
Why, around my house, they’re ubiquitous!
SPIDERS!
I won’t go so far as to say I’m
an arachnophile (SpellCheck
suggests that’s a neologism, and
I’ll happily take the credit, thanks),
but among the Animal Kingdom’s
astonishingly varied and widespread ranks,
spiders are pretty darned remarkable.
Seen close-up, they’re other-worldly.
More eyes than you can shake a stick at!
Spinning webs of stronger-than-steel silk!
Do you find my admiring words ridiculous?
That just shows how out of touch
with Nature are you and your ilk.
I think Arachnids will be with us a long time.
Why, around my house, they’re ubiquitous!
June 28, 2022
[Deranged Former Presidents Department]
Hey, I warned you years ago!!
By the time Trump was sworn in back in 2017
I’d declared to the world—though for some
strange reason very few paid me any mind--
that Donald J. Trump was quite literally
mentally deranged. With recent revelation
of his behavior on January 6, 2021,
there should be no hesitation, no reservation,
in saying I had him pegged right down the line.
But being a prophet in one’s own time
and country is a mighty lonely occupation.
[Deranged Former Presidents Department]
Hey, I warned you years ago!!
By the time Trump was sworn in back in 2017
I’d declared to the world—though for some
strange reason very few paid me any mind--
that Donald J. Trump was quite literally
mentally deranged. With recent revelation
of his behavior on January 6, 2021,
there should be no hesitation, no reservation,
in saying I had him pegged right down the line.
But being a prophet in one’s own time
and country is a mighty lonely occupation.
June 27, 2022
[Not Quite True Confessions Department]
About that “mystery impact crater” . . .
Um, about that “mystery impact crater” on the moon,
I’m afraid my backyard rocketry experiment 25 June
got a bit out of hand. Wasn’t meant to travel that far.
So if I’ve put on astronomers’ lunar view a mar,
I’m sincerely sorry. No need for the feathers and tar!
[Not Quite True Confessions Department]
About that “mystery impact crater” . . .
Um, about that “mystery impact crater” on the moon,
I’m afraid my backyard rocketry experiment 25 June
got a bit out of hand. Wasn’t meant to travel that far.
So if I’ve put on astronomers’ lunar view a mar,
I’m sincerely sorry. No need for the feathers and tar!
June 26, 2022
Sharia Law, American style
Who are those figures standing in the shadowy
corner of your bedroom, Mr. and Mrs. America?
Why, it’s Ginni and Clarence Thomas!!
The Ultimate Fun Couple! The Procreation Police!
They have you under surveillance to ensure
that you don’t employ any method of contraception.
So you’d best ditch the “rubbers,” lose the diaphragm,
flush the pills down the toilet. Sex is no longer for pleasure.
God said “Be fruitful and multiply.” And Ginni will make sure you will!
It’s Sharia Law, American style, but it’s okay ’cause all in the name of Jesus.
Who are those figures standing in the shadowy
corner of your bedroom, Mr. and Mrs. America?
Why, it’s Ginni and Clarence Thomas!!
The Ultimate Fun Couple! The Procreation Police!
They have you under surveillance to ensure
that you don’t employ any method of contraception.
So you’d best ditch the “rubbers,” lose the diaphragm,
flush the pills down the toilet. Sex is no longer for pleasure.
God said “Be fruitful and multiply.” And Ginni will make sure you will!
It’s Sharia Law, American style, but it’s okay ’cause all in the name of Jesus.
June 25, 2022
Dear “Strict Constructionists” of SCOTUS:
Dear “Strict Constructionists” of SCOTUS:
You say you can’t find in the Constitution
a right for a woman to decide whether to
give birth or no. For you, here’s a little memo
that will barely scratch the surface.
Among other things not mentioned in that
document ancient are a standing army,
any kind of restriction on what substances
a citizen may consume to alter consciousness
and, oh yeah, a Federal tax on income. Do be
careful about opening Pandora’s Box, won’t you?
Dear “Strict Constructionists” of SCOTUS:
Dear “Strict Constructionists” of SCOTUS:
You say you can’t find in the Constitution
a right for a woman to decide whether to
give birth or no. For you, here’s a little memo
that will barely scratch the surface.
Among other things not mentioned in that
document ancient are a standing army,
any kind of restriction on what substances
a citizen may consume to alter consciousness
and, oh yeah, a Federal tax on income. Do be
careful about opening Pandora’s Box, won’t you?
June 24, 2022
See the happy “Christians” . . .
See the happy “Christians”—or so they claim to be--
singing hymns of praise to Jesus in their SUVs.
Where are they off to? To celebrate the death of
a woman’s right to choose, of course. Goodbye Roe
v. Wade. And along the way, they’ll buy AR-15s to go!
See the happy “Christians” . . .
See the happy “Christians”—or so they claim to be--
singing hymns of praise to Jesus in their SUVs.
Where are they off to? To celebrate the death of
a woman’s right to choose, of course. Goodbye Roe
v. Wade. And along the way, they’ll buy AR-15s to go!
June 23, 2022
And Mr. Jefferson Also Said . . .
Thomas Jefferson also opined that he
expected the Constitution to be revised
about every generation to keep up
with a rapidly evolving society.
Instead we have a Supreme Court being
guided by a total nutcase named Ginni,
enshrining that most troubling amendment,
the one that’s been outdated for a mere
couple of centuries. Oh, how Republicans
like to profess their love for law enforcement.
So why did the Filthy Five of SCOTUS just
make it easier for LEOs to be killed in line of duty?
And Mr. Jefferson Also Said . . .
Thomas Jefferson also opined that he
expected the Constitution to be revised
about every generation to keep up
with a rapidly evolving society.
Instead we have a Supreme Court being
guided by a total nutcase named Ginni,
enshrining that most troubling amendment,
the one that’s been outdated for a mere
couple of centuries. Oh, how Republicans
like to profess their love for law enforcement.
So why did the Filthy Five of SCOTUS just
make it easier for LEOs to be killed in line of duty?
June 22, 2022
[Another Hideous SCOTUS Ruling Department]
“That’s when I reach for my Blunderbuss”--Thomas Jefferson
The “Founding Fathers” had their major flaws,
but Thomas Jefferson, with help from Mr. Paine,
understood that religious strife was the cause
of innumerable deaths over the centuries in Europe
continental and in Olde England’s own domain.
Thus was born the concept of a separation of state
and church, and so Amendment One to the Constitution
prohibits any church from becoming the official institution
controlling our governance. So pray tell, you “strict
constructionists” now dominating the Supreme Court,
where in that venerated document is declared a right
of religious schools to suckle at the teat of the public till?
It looks to me like a mission to shred anything of worth
remaining in our foundational documents is your determined will.
[Another Hideous SCOTUS Ruling Department]
“That’s when I reach for my Blunderbuss”--Thomas Jefferson
The “Founding Fathers” had their major flaws,
but Thomas Jefferson, with help from Mr. Paine,
understood that religious strife was the cause
of innumerable deaths over the centuries in Europe
continental and in Olde England’s own domain.
Thus was born the concept of a separation of state
and church, and so Amendment One to the Constitution
prohibits any church from becoming the official institution
controlling our governance. So pray tell, you “strict
constructionists” now dominating the Supreme Court,
where in that venerated document is declared a right
of religious schools to suckle at the teat of the public till?
It looks to me like a mission to shred anything of worth
remaining in our foundational documents is your determined will.
June 21, 2022
[Summer Solstice 2022]
I don’t care what the calendar says!
So it’s the Summer Solstice (at least in my hemisphere), yippie bloody skippy!
In my neck de woods, today is unseasonably chilly. The hours of daylight
will go into decline, that’s carved in the stone of Earth’s procession
around our conveniently nearby star. But the most wretched, uncomfortable
summer heat is still to arrive. So to celebrate this date, I must make a remarkable
mental effort, straining against instinctive feeling with all my might.
Which will just result in my being frustrated, aggravated and sweaty.
Summer Solstice, phooey!!
June 20, 2022
[Absurd Current Events Department]
Surrender, Florida--Texas Has You Whupped!
In the race to the bottom between Florida and Texas,
the latter has taken the decisive lead, as its Republican
State Convention passed a resolution, in essence,
declaring the 2020 presidential election was stolen
from their beloved Donald J. Trump. In this nexus
of idiocy, we can next expect a vote of confidence
in the notions that the Earth is flat, guns don’t kill
people, and down is up. It’s enough to make a fella ill!
[Absurd Current Events Department]
Surrender, Florida--Texas Has You Whupped!
In the race to the bottom between Florida and Texas,
the latter has taken the decisive lead, as its Republican
State Convention passed a resolution, in essence,
declaring the 2020 presidential election was stolen
from their beloved Donald J. Trump. In this nexus
of idiocy, we can next expect a vote of confidence
in the notions that the Earth is flat, guns don’t kill
people, and down is up. It’s enough to make a fella ill!
June 19, 2022
[JUNETEENTH and FATHERS DAY]
THE SINS OF THE FATHERS . . .
Hypothesis: Perhaps the USA was destined all
along to degenerate into its current revolting
condition because two of its leading “Founding
Fathers”exploited slave labor on their plantations.
A new nation was declared, claiming fealty to
the concepts of egalitarianism and freedom, but
already, at bottom, crumbling was the foundation.
[JUNETEENTH and FATHERS DAY]
THE SINS OF THE FATHERS . . .
Hypothesis: Perhaps the USA was destined all
along to degenerate into its current revolting
condition because two of its leading “Founding
Fathers”exploited slave labor on their plantations.
A new nation was declared, claiming fealty to
the concepts of egalitarianism and freedom, but
already, at bottom, crumbling was the foundation.
June 18, 2022
Unprovoked Aerial Assault
My local birds have gone too damned far.
Their latest poop bombardment of my car
has marred the windshield with a mess
unprecedented. I’m left in some distress:
nothing I’ve tried thus far will clean it up,
neither soap, nor glass cleaner nor alcohol
isopropyl. Next, in desperation, I’ll try vinegar.
I’m starting to wish the big asteroid sixty-six
million years ago had wiped out all the dinosaurs!
For what survived and then evolved, mark my words,
turned out to be some obnoxious dirty birds!
Unprovoked Aerial Assault
My local birds have gone too damned far.
Their latest poop bombardment of my car
has marred the windshield with a mess
unprecedented. I’m left in some distress:
nothing I’ve tried thus far will clean it up,
neither soap, nor glass cleaner nor alcohol
isopropyl. Next, in desperation, I’ll try vinegar.
I’m starting to wish the big asteroid sixty-six
million years ago had wiped out all the dinosaurs!
For what survived and then evolved, mark my words,
turned out to be some obnoxious dirty birds!
June 17, 2022
TWISTED DREAMS
In recent years, it’s been not uncommon
that I dream tornadoes are bearing down
on me. I’m always in a strange location,
not at home. I stare in wonder, rooted to the ground.
The fascinating, menacing funnels always peter
out, bring me not to harm; I don’t wake in a sweat.
Are these dreams portents of coming disaster,
for me personally or for others? Well, not yet.
Hasn't been the case. But that could all turn around.
TWISTED DREAMS
In recent years, it’s been not uncommon
that I dream tornadoes are bearing down
on me. I’m always in a strange location,
not at home. I stare in wonder, rooted to the ground.
The fascinating, menacing funnels always peter
out, bring me not to harm; I don’t wake in a sweat.
Are these dreams portents of coming disaster,
for me personally or for others? Well, not yet.
Hasn't been the case. But that could all turn around.
June 16, 2022
[Frontiers of Technology Department]
It’s a Hoax, Don’t You See?
Someone affiliated with Google claims
the AI (“Artificial Intelligence”) program
he’s been working with did itself proclaim
“I have a soul.” So, what’s this all about?
Well, this programmer is described as
some kind of “mystical priest.” What more
do we need to know? Just recall that old
“rule” about the worthiness of a computer
program: “Garbage in, garbage out”!!
[Frontiers of Technology Department]
It’s a Hoax, Don’t You See?
Someone affiliated with Google claims
the AI (“Artificial Intelligence”) program
he’s been working with did itself proclaim
“I have a soul.” So, what’s this all about?
Well, this programmer is described as
some kind of “mystical priest.” What more
do we need to know? Just recall that old
“rule” about the worthiness of a computer
program: “Garbage in, garbage out”!!
June 15, 2022
[Just as I Foretold Department]
TOOTHLESS LEGISLATION
If sufficient Republicans sign off on new
Federal firearms regulations for them to pass,
it will be proof positive that said regulations
won’t do a damned thing to change the situation.
I don’t claim to be a prophet, but neither am I an ass.
Fundamental, meaningful change cannot happen
in this country’s current extremist political morass.
[Just as I Foretold Department]
TOOTHLESS LEGISLATION
If sufficient Republicans sign off on new
Federal firearms regulations for them to pass,
it will be proof positive that said regulations
won’t do a damned thing to change the situation.
I don’t claim to be a prophet, but neither am I an ass.
Fundamental, meaningful change cannot happen
in this country’s current extremist political morass.
June 14, 2022
[Ongoing Decline of Culture Department]
The End of Language?
After the demise of the USSR,
some academic type hatched the
notion that we were witnessing
“the end of history.” More recently,
since the entry into the political arena
of Donald Trump, we’re told it’s
“the Post-Truth Age.” Not my idea of
analysis sage. But to my and maybe your
astonishment, I have learned of late
that “tea” is now a verb! O cruel fate
for the tongue of the poets of yore!
What’s the context of said discovery?
Why the fuss? A radio ad for Bigelow Tea
invites the listener to “Come tea with us”!
[BONUS!]:
[Not So Great Investments Department]
HOW YOU LIKE YOUR CRYPTO NOW, HMM?
Back around Super Bowl time,
when Tom Brady was on TV pimping
cryptocurrency, I issued a warning
on these very pages (you may look
it up!) that following his advice to buy
these make-believe units of “money”
might not be the brightest decision.
Did you fall for Tom’s spiel? I’ll make
every effort to not subject you to
excess derision. Call me “Mr. Nice Guy”!
[Ongoing Decline of Culture Department]
The End of Language?
After the demise of the USSR,
some academic type hatched the
notion that we were witnessing
“the end of history.” More recently,
since the entry into the political arena
of Donald Trump, we’re told it’s
“the Post-Truth Age.” Not my idea of
analysis sage. But to my and maybe your
astonishment, I have learned of late
that “tea” is now a verb! O cruel fate
for the tongue of the poets of yore!
What’s the context of said discovery?
Why the fuss? A radio ad for Bigelow Tea
invites the listener to “Come tea with us”!
[BONUS!]:
[Not So Great Investments Department]
HOW YOU LIKE YOUR CRYPTO NOW, HMM?
Back around Super Bowl time,
when Tom Brady was on TV pimping
cryptocurrency, I issued a warning
on these very pages (you may look
it up!) that following his advice to buy
these make-believe units of “money”
might not be the brightest decision.
Did you fall for Tom’s spiel? I’ll make
every effort to not subject you to
excess derision. Call me “Mr. Nice Guy”!
June 13, 2022
It was 40 years ago today . . .
It was 40 years ago today,
in the hours called wee,
flying high on some nice LSD,
that ET—The Extraterrestrial
definitively blew me away.
All the cultural programming that
had taught me “A man doesn’t cry”
crumbled to the floor, obliterated.
And every time I have revisited
this marvel of a tale over the years,
though I know exactly what’s coming,
the tears flow in exactly the same
places, emotion fully liberated.
It’s the old double-whammy, you might say:
a master director, a near-perfect screenplay.
It was 40 years ago today . . .
It was 40 years ago today,
in the hours called wee,
flying high on some nice LSD,
that ET—The Extraterrestrial
definitively blew me away.
All the cultural programming that
had taught me “A man doesn’t cry”
crumbled to the floor, obliterated.
And every time I have revisited
this marvel of a tale over the years,
though I know exactly what’s coming,
the tears flow in exactly the same
places, emotion fully liberated.
It’s the old double-whammy, you might say:
a master director, a near-perfect screenplay.
June 12, 2022
A widening conspiracy . . .
As if my aggravation with the damn
internet wasn’t already at fever pitch, *
today my bank rejected my efforts to
log on to my account. Son of a bitch!!
I’ll search for the bastards behind this
colossal affront to my last dying day,
and for them there’s gonna be hell to pay!
* see poem of June 9!
A widening conspiracy . . .
As if my aggravation with the damn
internet wasn’t already at fever pitch, *
today my bank rejected my efforts to
log on to my account. Son of a bitch!!
I’ll search for the bastards behind this
colossal affront to my last dying day,
and for them there’s gonna be hell to pay!
* see poem of June 9!
June 11, 2022
[Sleazy Current Events Department]
Talk about a “teflon-coated Don”!!
I keep telling friends and anyone who’ll listen
that Donald J. Trump is not going to prison.
Jail a former POTUS, no matter how much a sleaze?
Such things in our country “just aren’t done,” geez!
It’s just too dangerous a political-legal precedent:
imagine the vengeful retribution that would erupt
when the other guys, though equally corrupt,
regained control of the levers of government.
[Sleazy Current Events Department]
Talk about a “teflon-coated Don”!!
I keep telling friends and anyone who’ll listen
that Donald J. Trump is not going to prison.
Jail a former POTUS, no matter how much a sleaze?
Such things in our country “just aren’t done,” geez!
It’s just too dangerous a political-legal precedent:
imagine the vengeful retribution that would erupt
when the other guys, though equally corrupt,
regained control of the levers of government.
June 10, 2022
[Frontiers of Science Department]
[Frontiers of Science Department]
The Dinosaur’s Umbilicus
It’s been reported that a dinosaur
fossil has been found with impression
of skin texture so well preserved that
it appeared to have a “belly button”!
Science now understands that our
favorite fearsome beasties of childhood
in their vessels circulated warm blood.
But wait, didn’t they reproduce by laying
eggs? We have many a fossilized specimen.
Is this a practical joke, is someone playing
with our heads? Or might it just be that
our dino friends were closer to you and me
than we could previously have dreamed?
O Triceratops, O beloved Stegosaurus;
O fierce predator, thou mighty Tyrannosaurus,
did you, like us mammals, sport an umbilicus?
June 9, 2022
[Joys of Modern Life Department]
Dear Internet: Have I Told You Lately How Much I Hate You?
This week I sought to address two
rather important matters online.
Each endeavor, I must report,
was foiled by a malfunctioning website.
One offered no “Help” I could discover;
the other had the unmitigated gall to
ask me to pay for assistance! Oh, brother!
“Kiss my ass, bastards!” was my retort.
Anybody got a line on some cheap dynamite?
[Joys of Modern Life Department]
Dear Internet: Have I Told You Lately How Much I Hate You?
This week I sought to address two
rather important matters online.
Each endeavor, I must report,
was foiled by a malfunctioning website.
One offered no “Help” I could discover;
the other had the unmitigated gall to
ask me to pay for assistance! Oh, brother!
“Kiss my ass, bastards!” was my retort.
Anybody got a line on some cheap dynamite?
June 8, 2022
[Current Events Department]
Dissociative Thinking
Dissociative thinking is a mental exercise
whereby you consciously turn your thoughts
away from unpleasant circumstances.
Often used by athletes engaged in running,
swimming, rowing or biking great distances;
this, of course, having been before the rise
of iPods and earbuds on the dreaded treadmill.
That introduction out of the way, we now take
you to the floor of a Congressional hearing room
where victims of American gun violence and
those whose loved ones were senselessly taken
are offering heartbreaking testimony on the problem.
Republican Members are practicing thinking
of the dissociative variety so that by this
testimony they’re neither moved nor shaken.
Let’s penetrate right inside their noggins:
Congressman ‘A’ is thinking “Damn it, this month’s
gift from the NRA is late, that’s really stinking.”
Congresswoman ‘B,’ looking down at her folded
hands: “I really need to make that appointment
for my mani-pedi. I need more than just ointment.”
Congressman ‘C’: “Man, look at the boobs on that
reporter! If I can entice that liberal slut to my bed,
I bet I can win her over to my side in ten minutes flat!”
[Current Events Department]
Dissociative Thinking
Dissociative thinking is a mental exercise
whereby you consciously turn your thoughts
away from unpleasant circumstances.
Often used by athletes engaged in running,
swimming, rowing or biking great distances;
this, of course, having been before the rise
of iPods and earbuds on the dreaded treadmill.
That introduction out of the way, we now take
you to the floor of a Congressional hearing room
where victims of American gun violence and
those whose loved ones were senselessly taken
are offering heartbreaking testimony on the problem.
Republican Members are practicing thinking
of the dissociative variety so that by this
testimony they’re neither moved nor shaken.
Let’s penetrate right inside their noggins:
Congressman ‘A’ is thinking “Damn it, this month’s
gift from the NRA is late, that’s really stinking.”
Congresswoman ‘B,’ looking down at her folded
hands: “I really need to make that appointment
for my mani-pedi. I need more than just ointment.”
Congressman ‘C’: “Man, look at the boobs on that
reporter! If I can entice that liberal slut to my bed,
I bet I can win her over to my side in ten minutes flat!”
June 7, 2022
“CHICK FLICK”?
I just watched Monsoon Wedding
for first time in many a year;
what a marvel of a vital, colorful
film, directed by Mira Nair!
Wonderful actors, though none
exactly household names over here.
Is this movie a “chick flick”? May be,
but so what? You wanna sue me?
I’ll watch a movie intended for six-year-
olds if it has artistic merits I wanna see.
“CHICK FLICK”?
I just watched Monsoon Wedding
for first time in many a year;
what a marvel of a vital, colorful
film, directed by Mira Nair!
Wonderful actors, though none
exactly household names over here.
Is this movie a “chick flick”? May be,
but so what? You wanna sue me?
I’ll watch a movie intended for six-year-
olds if it has artistic merits I wanna see.
June 6, 2022
[Startling Discoveries Department]
Boughed down to the ground
Seven years ago I planted a Nectarine tree--
yet some folks think I’m a pessimist, amazingly.
In recent years the dreaded Brown Rot fungus
laid waste to virtually all the potential fruits
before they had a fighting chance to ripen.
Imagine my surprise when I checked the
tree today (now, for sure, it isn’t fungus-free,
that wretched disease is certainly still around)
and found one bough so full of rapidly enlarging
fruits that it was almost touching the ground.
Will I actually get to taste a home-grown Nectarine
for the first time ever in my life this year?
Whoa, down boy! Too risky a bet, I fear!
[Startling Discoveries Department]
Boughed down to the ground
Seven years ago I planted a Nectarine tree--
yet some folks think I’m a pessimist, amazingly.
In recent years the dreaded Brown Rot fungus
laid waste to virtually all the potential fruits
before they had a fighting chance to ripen.
Imagine my surprise when I checked the
tree today (now, for sure, it isn’t fungus-free,
that wretched disease is certainly still around)
and found one bough so full of rapidly enlarging
fruits that it was almost touching the ground.
Will I actually get to taste a home-grown Nectarine
for the first time ever in my life this year?
Whoa, down boy! Too risky a bet, I fear!
June 5, 2022
My epiphany regarding time . . .
As I bustled about today, trying to complete
a task ever so overdue to be addressed,
I was becoming increasingly stressed.
Then dawned upon me an epiphany so neat:
The later in the day it gets, the fewer the hours
that remain in that day to accomplish anything.
I needs find a way to persuade time to run
in reverse, then working miracles will be
among my superhuman magical powers.
There’d be not a gosh-darned thing that in
a single ordinary day I couldn’t get done!
My epiphany regarding time . . .
As I bustled about today, trying to complete
a task ever so overdue to be addressed,
I was becoming increasingly stressed.
Then dawned upon me an epiphany so neat:
The later in the day it gets, the fewer the hours
that remain in that day to accomplish anything.
I needs find a way to persuade time to run
in reverse, then working miracles will be
among my superhuman magical powers.
There’d be not a gosh-darned thing that in
a single ordinary day I couldn’t get done!
June 4, 2022
[Truly Important News Department]
An Opossum Walks into a Bar and . . .
An Opossum walks into a bar somewhere
in New York and a woman dropkicks * her
right back outside. This, according to a CNN
headline, makes the woman a “legend.” Oh?
Is that all it takes? Cruelty to a furry little
marsupial, terrified and disoriented by an
environment to which it’s not accustomed?
Marsupials of America, unite for self-defense!
* I have no idea what kind of kick was supposedly employed, since I really don’t wish to read the details of the affair.
[Truly Important News Department]
An Opossum Walks into a Bar and . . .
An Opossum walks into a bar somewhere
in New York and a woman dropkicks * her
right back outside. This, according to a CNN
headline, makes the woman a “legend.” Oh?
Is that all it takes? Cruelty to a furry little
marsupial, terrified and disoriented by an
environment to which it’s not accustomed?
Marsupials of America, unite for self-defense!
* I have no idea what kind of kick was supposedly employed, since I really don’t wish to read the details of the affair.
June 3, 2022
[And so it goes Department]
Is this Friday the 13th??
To start the evening, an old habit returns—I lose a tooth.
In short order, my microwave oven gave up the ghost.
My immediate world has turned on me—forsooth!
And my budget for this month is clearly now toast.
[And so it goes Department]
Is this Friday the 13th??
To start the evening, an old habit returns—I lose a tooth.
In short order, my microwave oven gave up the ghost.
My immediate world has turned on me—forsooth!
And my budget for this month is clearly now toast.
June 2, 2022
Confucius said it, long ago . . .
“To know what is right, and not to do it, is cowardice.”
To pretend one is not aware that guns kill people,
especially military-grade assault weapons,
or to simply deny it despite the facts staring
us in the face, should sound like a trumpet blaring
a signal that these craven Members of Congress
should not have a hand in the Federal Government.
And those who grasp the problem but remain an instrument
in the hands of the Gun Lobby should on the forehead
be branded with a big ‘C’ for Coward, as they sit motionless
while more and more citizens, including children, lie dead.
June 1, 2022
[Wonderful World of Show Biz Department]
Sue and countersue, it’s the American way
I just read of the outcome of the famous
Amber Heard-Johnny Depp defamation trial.
The jury said Ms. Heard must cough up
$15 million to Johnny . . . but he owes
her two million! Very simple math: a net
gain for Johnny. Can we please put this affair vile
behind us now, thou media manipulators?
Surely we should be paying attention to
other matters. Little stuff, like our dying planet?
[Wonderful World of Show Biz Department]
Sue and countersue, it’s the American way
I just read of the outcome of the famous
Amber Heard-Johnny Depp defamation trial.
The jury said Ms. Heard must cough up
$15 million to Johnny . . . but he owes
her two million! Very simple math: a net
gain for Johnny. Can we please put this affair vile
behind us now, thou media manipulators?
Surely we should be paying attention to
other matters. Little stuff, like our dying planet?
May 31, 2022
Call it Miracle Money, I guess
Who says the Age of Miracles is over?
(Whatever that meant in the first
place . . . something biblical?)
Our wonderful Federal Government
miraculously came up with $40 billion
to keep the war in Ukraine going!
Without adding to the National Debt,
we’re asked to believe! A true miracle!
Or am I being just a tad cynical??
Call it Miracle Money, I guess
Who says the Age of Miracles is over?
(Whatever that meant in the first
place . . . something biblical?)
Our wonderful Federal Government
miraculously came up with $40 billion
to keep the war in Ukraine going!
Without adding to the National Debt,
we’re asked to believe! A true miracle!
Or am I being just a tad cynical??
May 30, 2022
[Memorial Day 2022]
For who, for what, did they die?
Let us decorate the graves of the war dead.
Let us hail millions of heroes. But this
being the USA, let’s not look too deeply
at the roots of the wars that took the lives
of fathers, sons, brothers and spouses.
It would be off-limits, downright gauche,
forbidden talk, to say that they died far, far
away not to defend us, but to try to enforce
an insane concept of “full-spectrum global
dominance” for the profits of a very few.
This poem will self-destruct in ten seconds
to save its author from possible prosecution.
[Memorial Day 2022]
For who, for what, did they die?
Let us decorate the graves of the war dead.
Let us hail millions of heroes. But this
being the USA, let’s not look too deeply
at the roots of the wars that took the lives
of fathers, sons, brothers and spouses.
It would be off-limits, downright gauche,
forbidden talk, to say that they died far, far
away not to defend us, but to try to enforce
an insane concept of “full-spectrum global
dominance” for the profits of a very few.
This poem will self-destruct in ten seconds
to save its author from possible prosecution.
May 29, 2022
No, nein, nyet, non . . . well, maybe for a thousand bucks!
The whole world, I’m sure, is clambering to know.
The answer: I won’t be checking out Top Gun—Maverick.
Or any other obnoxious concoction of machismo
and jingoism, thank you. And that’s where I firmly stand.
But then again, I’m a poor man. I’ll make you a deal:
I’ll watch this movie for a cool thousand.
Bucks, that is. But hurry, while such a sum
can still buy a few useful items, like groceries
and decent enough clothes so I don’t look like a bum!
No, nein, nyet, non . . . well, maybe for a thousand bucks!
The whole world, I’m sure, is clambering to know.
The answer: I won’t be checking out Top Gun—Maverick.
Or any other obnoxious concoction of machismo
and jingoism, thank you. And that’s where I firmly stand.
But then again, I’m a poor man. I’ll make you a deal:
I’ll watch this movie for a cool thousand.
Bucks, that is. But hurry, while such a sum
can still buy a few useful items, like groceries
and decent enough clothes so I don’t look like a bum!
May 28, 2022
Home of the brave??
Show me a man who only feels like a man
if he can have his finger on the trigger of
an assault rifle, and I’ll show you one
hell of a poor excuse for a man.
A man more than likely American.
Home of the brave??
Show me a man who only feels like a man
if he can have his finger on the trigger of
an assault rifle, and I’ll show you one
hell of a poor excuse for a man.
A man more than likely American.
May 27, 2022
STUMBLING TOWARD ARMAGEDDON
“Mommy, why does everybody have a bomb?”
This was Prince’s well-honed question rhetorical
in the 1980s, in his song “Ronnie, Talk to Russia.”
Now “Everything Old is New Again,” * and the
invitation to Armageddon is more than just theoretical.
USA is seething with testosterone, feels like Prussia
at the height of its years of jingoism, itching for war.
So “Biden, Talk to Russia” or Humanity mayn’t be here much more.
* the title of a popular song dating back about a century now
STUMBLING TOWARD ARMAGEDDON
“Mommy, why does everybody have a bomb?”
This was Prince’s well-honed question rhetorical
in the 1980s, in his song “Ronnie, Talk to Russia.”
Now “Everything Old is New Again,” * and the
invitation to Armageddon is more than just theoretical.
USA is seething with testosterone, feels like Prussia
at the height of its years of jingoism, itching for war.
So “Biden, Talk to Russia” or Humanity mayn’t be here much more.
* the title of a popular song dating back about a century now
May 26, 2022
[Inspired by finding Bitcoin available in a vending machine here in the boondocks where I live]
Money, Real and Imaginary
Come, little ones, and sit by my feet.
I have a tale you’ll scarcely be able
to believe, an extra special treat.
Right here in the USA, once upon a time,
one John D. Rockefeller would hand a dime
to anyone he passed on the sidewalks of
New York, as he took his daily strolls.
And most wondrous of all, that thin coin
at the time would buy you a whole lunch,
including a stein of beer and dinner rolls!
But think not that old Rocky had a heart of gold;
he was the leading American Capitalist of
the day, with heart accordingly cold.
The US Constitution was refined (pardon
the expression), fine-tuned one may say,
eventually defining our currency as a number certain
of grains of fine silver. Yes, grains, a measure
now rather archaic, nay, positively quaint.
And truly shocking is the fact—please don’t faint--
that the dollar was backed by physical gold!
Yes, one could walk into most any bank
and exchange paper currency for coins
of real silver or gold, money of highest rank.
But the Federal Reserve Bank put an end, you see,
to that ability in nineteen-hundred-thirty-three.
And ever since, dear ones, our so-called money
has bought less of real, practical value with each
passing year. So now folks are willing to take
their dollars by the tens of thousands
to purchase “currency” even more fake!
“Cryptocurrency” they call it, or just plain “crypto”;
they’re trying to thus attain wealth in a hurry,
but it’s likely here today and gone tomorrow.
[Inspired by finding Bitcoin available in a vending machine here in the boondocks where I live]
Money, Real and Imaginary
Come, little ones, and sit by my feet.
I have a tale you’ll scarcely be able
to believe, an extra special treat.
Right here in the USA, once upon a time,
one John D. Rockefeller would hand a dime
to anyone he passed on the sidewalks of
New York, as he took his daily strolls.
And most wondrous of all, that thin coin
at the time would buy you a whole lunch,
including a stein of beer and dinner rolls!
But think not that old Rocky had a heart of gold;
he was the leading American Capitalist of
the day, with heart accordingly cold.
The US Constitution was refined (pardon
the expression), fine-tuned one may say,
eventually defining our currency as a number certain
of grains of fine silver. Yes, grains, a measure
now rather archaic, nay, positively quaint.
And truly shocking is the fact—please don’t faint--
that the dollar was backed by physical gold!
Yes, one could walk into most any bank
and exchange paper currency for coins
of real silver or gold, money of highest rank.
But the Federal Reserve Bank put an end, you see,
to that ability in nineteen-hundred-thirty-three.
And ever since, dear ones, our so-called money
has bought less of real, practical value with each
passing year. So now folks are willing to take
their dollars by the tens of thousands
to purchase “currency” even more fake!
“Cryptocurrency” they call it, or just plain “crypto”;
they’re trying to thus attain wealth in a hurry,
but it’s likely here today and gone tomorrow.
May 25, 2022
[Frontiers of Science Department]
Here comes the “Quantum Internet,” wahoo!!
Computer scientists report we’re really close
to the newest revolution in technology:
the “Quantum Internet”! My mind is reeling
just thinking about the benefits for you and me!
But wait, why do I have the nagging feeling
that this mainly means disinformation will
be spread around the globe faster exponentially?
“O brave new world . . .” with such idiots in it!
[Frontiers of Science Department]
Here comes the “Quantum Internet,” wahoo!!
Computer scientists report we’re really close
to the newest revolution in technology:
the “Quantum Internet”! My mind is reeling
just thinking about the benefits for you and me!
But wait, why do I have the nagging feeling
that this mainly means disinformation will
be spread around the globe faster exponentially?
“O brave new world . . .” with such idiots in it!
May 24, 2022
[Current Events, sadly, Department]
More dead children, more inaction, more hypocrisy
Another mass murder of schoolchildren,
another young gunman with imagined
grievances against . . . what? Humanity?
Another measure of this society’s
departure from something like sanity.
When does a nation lose the right to claim
it’s civilized? When women and children become fair game.
Of all governors, Mr. Abbott of Texas is among
those least likely to take action about gun violence.
What we’ll get are crocodile tears and
hypocritical words of condolence.
[Current Events, sadly, Department]
More dead children, more inaction, more hypocrisy
Another mass murder of schoolchildren,
another young gunman with imagined
grievances against . . . what? Humanity?
Another measure of this society’s
departure from something like sanity.
When does a nation lose the right to claim
it’s civilized? When women and children become fair game.
Of all governors, Mr. Abbott of Texas is among
those least likely to take action about gun violence.
What we’ll get are crocodile tears and
hypocritical words of condolence.
May 23, 2022
Is this anything to celebrate?
See Connecticut’s governor do a victory dance.
He turns some pirouettes, then starts to prance.
What’s the cause of his joyous celebration?
Why, it’s a twenty-year tax incentive extension
for the makers of death-delivering Sikorsky
helicopters! I call it a sad day in Nutmeg history.
Is this the best we can do to revive the economy?
Sadly, this is our current, and for many years past, reality.
We send people to the US Congress and what
do they become? Pimps steering War Business this way.
The lobbying never ends, goes on night and day.
But wait, there’s a Joker in this deck: corporations
have made these promises before—to stick around
this state—then one day we find they’ve skipped town.
Meanwhile, the ordinary taxpayers of this blighted
state? Through the nose we just pay, and pay, and pay.
Is this anything to celebrate?
See Connecticut’s governor do a victory dance.
He turns some pirouettes, then starts to prance.
What’s the cause of his joyous celebration?
Why, it’s a twenty-year tax incentive extension
for the makers of death-delivering Sikorsky
helicopters! I call it a sad day in Nutmeg history.
Is this the best we can do to revive the economy?
Sadly, this is our current, and for many years past, reality.
We send people to the US Congress and what
do they become? Pimps steering War Business this way.
The lobbying never ends, goes on night and day.
But wait, there’s a Joker in this deck: corporations
have made these promises before—to stick around
this state—then one day we find they’ve skipped town.
Meanwhile, the ordinary taxpayers of this blighted
state? Through the nose we just pay, and pay, and pay.
May 22, 2022
You won’t pin nothin’ on me, lousy coppers!
You know those corpses turning up at the bottom
of that lake out near Vegas, the one drying up?
Well I don’t know nothin’ about all that, see?
Go on, check my hotel stays and travel history.
I’ve only been in Vegas once, just passing through
in a rented car, driving from Los Angeles to
the Grand Canyon, if you wanna be that nosy.
So you won’t pin nothin’ on me, lousy coppers, see?
Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! You want yammerin’? Try me!
Nyah!
You won’t pin nothin’ on me, lousy coppers!
You know those corpses turning up at the bottom
of that lake out near Vegas, the one drying up?
Well I don’t know nothin’ about all that, see?
Go on, check my hotel stays and travel history.
I’ve only been in Vegas once, just passing through
in a rented car, driving from Los Angeles to
the Grand Canyon, if you wanna be that nosy.
So you won’t pin nothin’ on me, lousy coppers, see?
Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! You want yammerin’? Try me!
Nyah!
May 21, 2022
Crisis, What Crisis? *
To compliment yesterday’s baseball
story relating to bizarre weather,
this just in: western region of Germany
visited by tornadoes! “Move along,
nothing to see here! There’s no danger,
no crisis.” Somehow, words of
reassurance from government officials
ring more and more hollow as reality
impresses itself, ever more intense,
even on those whose skulls are dense.
* The title of a classic album by Supertramp!
Crisis, What Crisis? *
To compliment yesterday’s baseball
story relating to bizarre weather,
this just in: western region of Germany
visited by tornadoes! “Move along,
nothing to see here! There’s no danger,
no crisis.” Somehow, words of
reassurance from government officials
ring more and more hollow as reality
impresses itself, ever more intense,
even on those whose skulls are dense.
* The title of a classic album by Supertramp!
May 20, 2022
SNOWED OUT!
Once upon a time, in an enchanted land
where nothing happens to bring dismay,
the NY Mets were forced to reschedule
a game in late May. Because of the snow!
Wait, is this fantasy? Time for a fact check:
It really happened, and it was just today.
Welcome to spring in Denver, Colorado--
80 degrees one day, snowing the next.
SNOWED OUT!
Once upon a time, in an enchanted land
where nothing happens to bring dismay,
the NY Mets were forced to reschedule
a game in late May. Because of the snow!
Wait, is this fantasy? Time for a fact check:
It really happened, and it was just today.
Welcome to spring in Denver, Colorado--
80 degrees one day, snowing the next.
May 19, 2022
“The Ballad of Amber and Johnny”
Mr. Depp: “She was my gal, but she was doin’ me wrong.”
Ms. Heard: “He was my man, but he was doin’ me wrong.”
Who to believe, whose testimony to discard?
I’ve always liked Johnny Depp, so it’s hard
to picture him as a callous, monstrous abuser.
But this celebrity trial, I can tell you madam or sir,
has dragged on for entirely too damn long!
“The Ballad of Amber and Johnny”
Mr. Depp: “She was my gal, but she was doin’ me wrong.”
Ms. Heard: “He was my man, but he was doin’ me wrong.”
Who to believe, whose testimony to discard?
I’ve always liked Johnny Depp, so it’s hard
to picture him as a callous, monstrous abuser.
But this celebrity trial, I can tell you madam or sir,
has dragged on for entirely too damn long!
May 18, 2022
I Think That I Shall Never See . . .
I think that I shall never see
an entity as persistent as a tree.
A few I had to take down years ago,
but couldn’t dig out by their roots,
have thrust up, reaching for the sun,
remarkably substantial new shoots.
Which, in turn, sad to say, must go.
Because trees cause air pollution.
We learned that from Ronald Reagan!
I Think That I Shall Never See . . .
I think that I shall never see
an entity as persistent as a tree.
A few I had to take down years ago,
but couldn’t dig out by their roots,
have thrust up, reaching for the sun,
remarkably substantial new shoots.
Which, in turn, sad to say, must go.
Because trees cause air pollution.
We learned that from Ronald Reagan!
May 17, 2022
The Halls of Extinction Await
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, in his attempt
at a second season of a revised “Cosmos”--
before he fell victim to “cancel culture”--
said on more than one occasion
that a display case awaited homo sapiens
in “The Halls of Extinction,” a museum of the imagination
showcasing those species that didn’t make
the cut in Evolution’s annals of survival
and survival’s opposite. We know of past mass
extinctions from Nature’s upheavals, but
when humans reached the Age Industrial
Nature was thrown out of kilter, and now at
an ever-accelerating pace, the staff at “The Halls
of Extinction” are cleaning the display case’s glass
and buffing the floors in that area of the grand exhibition,
preparing for homo sapiens’s self-directed arrival.
[Today’s offering is inspired by news of a discovery, in a cave in northern Laos, of the tooth of a girl-child of Denisovan lineage. Another dandy human milestone of unintended irony: we’re getting ever closer to completing the story of our evolution just as Humankind is rendering the whole planet soon-to-be uninhabitable.]
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson, in his attempt
at a second season of a revised “Cosmos”--
before he fell victim to “cancel culture”--
said on more than one occasion
that a display case awaited homo sapiens
in “The Halls of Extinction,” a museum of the imagination
showcasing those species that didn’t make
the cut in Evolution’s annals of survival
and survival’s opposite. We know of past mass
extinctions from Nature’s upheavals, but
when humans reached the Age Industrial
Nature was thrown out of kilter, and now at
an ever-accelerating pace, the staff at “The Halls
of Extinction” are cleaning the display case’s glass
and buffing the floors in that area of the grand exhibition,
preparing for homo sapiens’s self-directed arrival.
[Today’s offering is inspired by news of a discovery, in a cave in northern Laos, of the tooth of a girl-child of Denisovan lineage. Another dandy human milestone of unintended irony: we’re getting ever closer to completing the story of our evolution just as Humankind is rendering the whole planet soon-to-be uninhabitable.]
May 16, 2022
[Current Events]
Another Fiasco Looming
So President Biden plans to order
hundreds of Special Forces troops
to cross Somalia’s border,
there to hunt down and kill “bad actors.”
Business for the War Industry is booming
(now that “Peacenik” Trump is out of
office, at least temporarily), but I sense
distinctly another US Military fiasco looming.
I saw an opinion piece recently, written from
a left-leaning perspective, proclaiming Biden
is already a worse POTUS than The Donald.
At first, I found this bordering on risible,
but now I’m not so sure. The Old Boys in D.C.
have convinced themselves they’re beating
Russia, they’re certain Victory’s becoming visible.
Drunk on this self-reinforcing loop of belief,
they’re feeling cocky enough to launch new
interventions (actually, in Somalia, it’ll be a rerun
of a past shit-show). For “terrorists,” no relief!
And what gives the US the “right” to send these
troops to Somalia? Why, Hellfire (missiles) and damnation!
Ain’t you heard? America is “the exceptional nation”!!
[Current Events]
Another Fiasco Looming
So President Biden plans to order
hundreds of Special Forces troops
to cross Somalia’s border,
there to hunt down and kill “bad actors.”
Business for the War Industry is booming
(now that “Peacenik” Trump is out of
office, at least temporarily), but I sense
distinctly another US Military fiasco looming.
I saw an opinion piece recently, written from
a left-leaning perspective, proclaiming Biden
is already a worse POTUS than The Donald.
At first, I found this bordering on risible,
but now I’m not so sure. The Old Boys in D.C.
have convinced themselves they’re beating
Russia, they’re certain Victory’s becoming visible.
Drunk on this self-reinforcing loop of belief,
they’re feeling cocky enough to launch new
interventions (actually, in Somalia, it’ll be a rerun
of a past shit-show). For “terrorists,” no relief!
And what gives the US the “right” to send these
troops to Somalia? Why, Hellfire (missiles) and damnation!
Ain’t you heard? America is “the exceptional nation”!!
May 15, 2022
Easiest Prediction in the World
Seventeen people shot in short order
on the streets of Milwaukee;
thirteen shot, ten dead on the spot,
in a supermarket in Buffalo.
The latter incident livestreamed online
to reinforce an idiotic racist manifesto.
And the easiest prediction in the world to make,
this being the USA, is that public officials who
actually would like to do something about
this deadly pandemic of firearms violence
will find their efforts successfully stymied.
Shouts of “The Second Amendment!” or just silence.
So let the torrents of lead on our land continue to rain.
We can’t afford to address the problem, anyway:
all the money’s being shipped to Ukraine!
Easiest Prediction in the World
Seventeen people shot in short order
on the streets of Milwaukee;
thirteen shot, ten dead on the spot,
in a supermarket in Buffalo.
The latter incident livestreamed online
to reinforce an idiotic racist manifesto.
And the easiest prediction in the world to make,
this being the USA, is that public officials who
actually would like to do something about
this deadly pandemic of firearms violence
will find their efforts successfully stymied.
Shouts of “The Second Amendment!” or just silence.
So let the torrents of lead on our land continue to rain.
We can’t afford to address the problem, anyway:
all the money’s being shipped to Ukraine!
May 14, 2022
“Strict Constructionism”
The extremists of SCOTUS have reverted
to that old strategy ever so perverted
as they move inexorably toward killing Roe:
If it ain’t in the original Constitution, it’s gotta go!
Well, since that revered document essentially
had nothing to say about slavery being wrong,
I have a modest proposal to help us all flee
back to those glorious Good Old Days:
Instead of Clarence Thomas sitting at
that judicial bench ever so high,
daydreaming about vaginas . . .
let’s put him to work picking cotton
on a picturesque plantation in the Carolinas.
[Why, you may be wondering, do I pick on poor ol’ Clarence? That’s easy: his judicial “reasoning” is identical to what we’d have gotten had Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond or Lester Maddox made it to seats on SCOTUS. Truly a remarkable achievement on Mr. Justice Thomas’s part, but I’m afraid I find it anything but admirable.]
“Strict Constructionism”
The extremists of SCOTUS have reverted
to that old strategy ever so perverted
as they move inexorably toward killing Roe:
If it ain’t in the original Constitution, it’s gotta go!
Well, since that revered document essentially
had nothing to say about slavery being wrong,
I have a modest proposal to help us all flee
back to those glorious Good Old Days:
Instead of Clarence Thomas sitting at
that judicial bench ever so high,
daydreaming about vaginas . . .
let’s put him to work picking cotton
on a picturesque plantation in the Carolinas.
[Why, you may be wondering, do I pick on poor ol’ Clarence? That’s easy: his judicial “reasoning” is identical to what we’d have gotten had Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond or Lester Maddox made it to seats on SCOTUS. Truly a remarkable achievement on Mr. Justice Thomas’s part, but I’m afraid I find it anything but admirable.]
May 13, 2022
TRISKEDECOPHOBIA!
Silly fearful humans and your numerous silly superstitions!
Are you a woman, are you a man, or are you a mouse?!
Nothing bad’s ever happened to me on a Friday the 13th.
Oh damn, I gotta leave off here! . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sounds like a huge tree just fell on my house!!
TRISKEDECOPHOBIA!
Silly fearful humans and your numerous silly superstitions!
Are you a woman, are you a man, or are you a mouse?!
Nothing bad’s ever happened to me on a Friday the 13th.
Oh damn, I gotta leave off here! . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sounds like a huge tree just fell on my house!!
May 12, 2022
. . . and the Army never quite recovered
Fifty-five years ago to the day I swore
an oath to defend the US Constitution.
But the only enemy thereof I could find
was none other than that institution
I’d just enrolled in, purely under duress.
To this day—and this should give every citizen pause--
I still don’t find in that document a clause
that compels me to be a participant in a war
abroad that’s of genocidal aggression.
So when Uncle Sam “invited” me to ship out
to Vietnam my resolve I didn’t for a second doubt.
“Hell no!!” said I, without the least hesitation.
And when a second time given that opportunity,
under a different presidential administration,
I was happy to reply in the negative again.
I survived my time in the uniform of my nation,
but I think the Army, after its encounter with me,
never quite recovered. Ain’t that a doggone pity?!
[BONUS!]:
CONGRATULATIONS, TUCKER CARLSON!
I understand that Tucker Carlson’s show’s been rated
THE singularly most racist show on cable TV. Wow!!
What an honor! So huge congrats to you, Tucker!
And kiss my anti-racist ass, you sorry motherf*cker!!
. . . and the Army never quite recovered
Fifty-five years ago to the day I swore
an oath to defend the US Constitution.
But the only enemy thereof I could find
was none other than that institution
I’d just enrolled in, purely under duress.
To this day—and this should give every citizen pause--
I still don’t find in that document a clause
that compels me to be a participant in a war
abroad that’s of genocidal aggression.
So when Uncle Sam “invited” me to ship out
to Vietnam my resolve I didn’t for a second doubt.
“Hell no!!” said I, without the least hesitation.
And when a second time given that opportunity,
under a different presidential administration,
I was happy to reply in the negative again.
I survived my time in the uniform of my nation,
but I think the Army, after its encounter with me,
never quite recovered. Ain’t that a doggone pity?!
[BONUS!]:
CONGRATULATIONS, TUCKER CARLSON!
I understand that Tucker Carlson’s show’s been rated
THE singularly most racist show on cable TV. Wow!!
What an honor! So huge congrats to you, Tucker!
And kiss my anti-racist ass, you sorry motherf*cker!!
May 11, 2022
The War of the Worlds
Having recently bought the newly restored
version of George Pal’s 1953 production,
tonight I revisited Steven Spielberg’s take
on the story, from 2005. A jolt to the brain!
I’d completely forgotten he starts the Martian
attack in a place nobody gave much thought
to in those “innocent” years . . . Ukraine!
Say what you will about Tom Cruise—and
truth is I’m not myself exactly a fan--
I think this may be his best work; yeah, he’s da Man!
The War of the Worlds
Having recently bought the newly restored
version of George Pal’s 1953 production,
tonight I revisited Steven Spielberg’s take
on the story, from 2005. A jolt to the brain!
I’d completely forgotten he starts the Martian
attack in a place nobody gave much thought
to in those “innocent” years . . . Ukraine!
Say what you will about Tom Cruise—and
truth is I’m not myself exactly a fan--
I think this may be his best work; yeah, he’s da Man!
May 10, 2022
[A bit related to yesterday’s poem]
THE $230,000 FACELIFT!!
As if more proof was needed that
some folks’ bank accounts are way too fat
comes a NY Times story about a gal
from Texas who came to NYC for a bit
of plastic surgery and was handed a bill
for $230,000. Don’t be alarmed. It was a thrill!
“I have a Rolls-Royce, I have three homes,
I have everything I could possibly want,
but I was still depressed” declared she.
So condemn not consuming conspicuously;
let this Texan find a little slice of happi-
ness where she can! But don’t do a double-take
if she’s heard to say of the poor: “Let ’em eat cake!”
[A bit related to yesterday’s poem]
THE $230,000 FACELIFT!!
As if more proof was needed that
some folks’ bank accounts are way too fat
comes a NY Times story about a gal
from Texas who came to NYC for a bit
of plastic surgery and was handed a bill
for $230,000. Don’t be alarmed. It was a thrill!
“I have a Rolls-Royce, I have three homes,
I have everything I could possibly want,
but I was still depressed” declared she.
So condemn not consuming conspicuously;
let this Texan find a little slice of happi-
ness where she can! But don’t do a double-take
if she’s heard to say of the poor: “Let ’em eat cake!”
May 9, 2022
Bubbles expand, bubbles pop
Who knew US stock prices could decline,
rather than rise, rise, rise relentlessly?
Well, actually . . . anybody with a little sense
and a modicum of knowledge of market history!
Bubbles expand, bubbles pop
Who knew US stock prices could decline,
rather than rise, rise, rise relentlessly?
Well, actually . . . anybody with a little sense
and a modicum of knowledge of market history!
May 8, 2022
Where’s MY photo-op??
First Lady Jill Biden spent Mothers Day
paying a “surprise” visit to Mr. Zelensky.
But Canada’s Trudeau got there first, the tease.
How does Mr. Z find the time to be running
a war when he’s so occupied with cunning
PR stunts, posing with visiting celebrities?
Simple: it’s really the USA calling the shots.
I’ll have to hurry to schedule my photo-op . . .
who knows if there are even any remaining slots?!
Where’s MY photo-op??
First Lady Jill Biden spent Mothers Day
paying a “surprise” visit to Mr. Zelensky.
But Canada’s Trudeau got there first, the tease.
How does Mr. Z find the time to be running
a war when he’s so occupied with cunning
PR stunts, posing with visiting celebrities?
Simple: it’s really the USA calling the shots.
I’ll have to hurry to schedule my photo-op . . .
who knows if there are even any remaining slots?!
May 7, 2022
You call this Spring?
A cold, wet, wicked windy day in May.
Phooey! is about all I can say.
But I have a question about names of seasons:
If Months and Days of the week start with
capital letters, why, what are the reasons,
the seasons most often don’t merit that respect?
You call this Spring?
A cold, wet, wicked windy day in May.
Phooey! is about all I can say.
But I have a question about names of seasons:
If Months and Days of the week start with
capital letters, why, what are the reasons,
the seasons most often don’t merit that respect?
May 6, 2022
[In the spirit of renowned Master Poet ‘Bullwinkle J. Moose’]
O Pretty Little Birdies
O pretty little birdies, singing so sweetly,
can’t you “do your business” more discretely?
Of all places, verily, both near and far,
why must you target the roof of my car?
[In the spirit of renowned Master Poet ‘Bullwinkle J. Moose’]
O Pretty Little Birdies
O pretty little birdies, singing so sweetly,
can’t you “do your business” more discretely?
Of all places, verily, both near and far,
why must you target the roof of my car?
May 5, 2022
What?! “Sink-o da mayo”?
What is this stuff I’ve been hearing
all day about “Sink-o da mayo”??
My curiosity it surely doth inflame!
Is it some new-fangled parlor game?
What?! “Sink-o da mayo”?
What is this stuff I’ve been hearing
all day about “Sink-o da mayo”??
My curiosity it surely doth inflame!
Is it some new-fangled parlor game?
May 4, 2022
Four Dead in Ohio
The details of great crimes
oft get obscured with passage of time.
Most convenient for the guilty, eh?
We’d still like the details of who killed JFK.
Let us not forget that on this date in 1970,
on a campus many of us didn’t even know of,
acting indubitably on orders from high above,
National Guardsmen of Ohio shot dead four
students where they stood. And how
“remarkable” that no one in authority,
up or down the chain of command,
ever went to jail or even got a reprimand.
Four Dead in Ohio
The details of great crimes
oft get obscured with passage of time.
Most convenient for the guilty, eh?
We’d still like the details of who killed JFK.
Let us not forget that on this date in 1970,
on a campus many of us didn’t even know of,
acting indubitably on orders from high above,
National Guardsmen of Ohio shot dead four
students where they stood. And how
“remarkable” that no one in authority,
up or down the chain of command,
ever went to jail or even got a reprimand.
May 3, 2022
SCOTUS!!
Following is my honest opinion of
the Supreme Court of the United States:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXCENSOREDXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXFORXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXNAUGHTYXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXLANGUAGEXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
SCOTUS!!
Following is my honest opinion of
the Supreme Court of the United States:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXCENSOREDXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXFORXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXNAUGHTYXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXLANGUAGEXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
May 2, 2022
Pure as the driven Snow
[Phoebe Snow, 1950 to 2011] *
I finally got around to buying a “Best Of”
Phoebe Snow compilation CD and love
is what came flooding back after all these years.
It would be difficult for any human being to
come closer to perfection in a singing voice.
(A “weaker” man could be reduced to tears!)
To statements made by album essay writers
I’m often compelled to say “Enough hype now!”
But for this talent, for this artist, I had to agree
that the best response to Ms. Snow was “Wow!!”
* Phoebe Snow had a very difficult life, and passed away barely 60 years of age after being in a prolonged coma.
Pure as the driven Snow
[Phoebe Snow, 1950 to 2011] *
I finally got around to buying a “Best Of”
Phoebe Snow compilation CD and love
is what came flooding back after all these years.
It would be difficult for any human being to
come closer to perfection in a singing voice.
(A “weaker” man could be reduced to tears!)
To statements made by album essay writers
I’m often compelled to say “Enough hype now!”
But for this talent, for this artist, I had to agree
that the best response to Ms. Snow was “Wow!!”
* Phoebe Snow had a very difficult life, and passed away barely 60 years of age after being in a prolonged coma.
May 1, 2022
MAY DAY!
A historical hard and true fact,
though dutifully ignored here
by the Establishment and its press so yellow,
is that May Day, the International
Working Persons’ Holiday,
originated right here in the USA.
It stemmed from the struggle
for the eight-hour workday.
Socialists, communists, anarchists
died to win you this right, fellow
Americans. You might want to ponder
that fact more than just one day of the year.
An Actual Butterfly!
While working in my back yard today,
I was visited by an actual butterfly!
(A reward for not using toxic
chemicals on my property.)
“Shazam! Shazam! Shazam!”
I exclaimed. “Art thou the real
deal, little one?” inquired I.
“I yam what I yam what I yam!”
was her straightforward reply.
MAY DAY!
A historical hard and true fact,
though dutifully ignored here
by the Establishment and its press so yellow,
is that May Day, the International
Working Persons’ Holiday,
originated right here in the USA.
It stemmed from the struggle
for the eight-hour workday.
Socialists, communists, anarchists
died to win you this right, fellow
Americans. You might want to ponder
that fact more than just one day of the year.
An Actual Butterfly!
While working in my back yard today,
I was visited by an actual butterfly!
(A reward for not using toxic
chemicals on my property.)
“Shazam! Shazam! Shazam!”
I exclaimed. “Art thou the real
deal, little one?” inquired I.
“I yam what I yam what I yam!”
was her straightforward reply.
April 30, 2022
“And like a fool I mixed them . . .”
“And like a fool I mixed them, and it strangled up my mind.” *
The other day, I got a Covid booster and a shingles
vaccination in the same trip to the pharmacy.
“Shouldn’t be a problem,” the Pharmacist assured me.
That night I was staggering around like a drunk, had
trouble sleeping, nearly fell on my behind.
No meds have ever made me feel quite so bad.
* An excerpt from Bob Dylan’s “Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again,” 1966. I can still recite most of the lyrics of that long song by rote.
“And like a fool I mixed them . . .”
“And like a fool I mixed them, and it strangled up my mind.” *
The other day, I got a Covid booster and a shingles
vaccination in the same trip to the pharmacy.
“Shouldn’t be a problem,” the Pharmacist assured me.
That night I was staggering around like a drunk, had
trouble sleeping, nearly fell on my behind.
No meds have ever made me feel quite so bad.
* An excerpt from Bob Dylan’s “Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again,” 1966. I can still recite most of the lyrics of that long song by rote.
April 29, 2022
ARBOR DAY
Planting trees is a most worthy cause, but I discovered
something many years ago that gave me pause.
It caused me no small amount of consternation
to learn that the CEO of the Arbor Day Foundation
was collecting a salary of more than one million dollars.
I immediately ceased donating to that organization, see?
I would’ve done the guy’s job for a fraction of that fee!
ARBOR DAY
Planting trees is a most worthy cause, but I discovered
something many years ago that gave me pause.
It caused me no small amount of consternation
to learn that the CEO of the Arbor Day Foundation
was collecting a salary of more than one million dollars.
I immediately ceased donating to that organization, see?
I would’ve done the guy’s job for a fraction of that fee!
April 28, 2022
STICKER SHOCK!
Every conceivable plant with nasty, wicked
stickers inhabits my yard. I struggle to
suppress them, but man, the work is hard!
Before you can accuse me of neglect
of my property . . . I object! I’m fully
prepared to sue you for defamation.
And on that subject, that’s my final proclamation.
[BONUS!]:
Hey, here’s an idea!
Instead of this gradualism—16 billion here,
33 billion there (and pretty soon you’re talking
real money, as an old joke goes)—Mr. Biden,
why not just sign over the entire US Treasury
to Volodymyr Zelensky, world’s #1 SuperHero
of “democracy”?? Yes, those quotation marks
are mocking the notion. Democracy? Democracy?
We don’t even have it here in the USA,
o say can’t you see?? This war was concocted
in, and is controlled from, Washington, D.C.!!
STICKER SHOCK!
Every conceivable plant with nasty, wicked
stickers inhabits my yard. I struggle to
suppress them, but man, the work is hard!
Before you can accuse me of neglect
of my property . . . I object! I’m fully
prepared to sue you for defamation.
And on that subject, that’s my final proclamation.
[BONUS!]:
Hey, here’s an idea!
Instead of this gradualism—16 billion here,
33 billion there (and pretty soon you’re talking
real money, as an old joke goes)—Mr. Biden,
why not just sign over the entire US Treasury
to Volodymyr Zelensky, world’s #1 SuperHero
of “democracy”?? Yes, those quotation marks
are mocking the notion. Democracy? Democracy?
We don’t even have it here in the USA,
o say can’t you see?? This war was concocted
in, and is controlled from, Washington, D.C.!!
April 27, 2022
A Not Quite Immaculate Conception
I don’t think I arrived particularly early or late,
so a number of years ago I did calculate
that it was around April 27—this date--
that my father did calculatingly ejaculate . . .
now, don’t rate this poem ‘X,’
I’m merely putting the emphasis
on the scientific facts of the genesis
of—pardon my seeming immodesty--
the marvelous entity I refer to as “me.”
A Not Quite Immaculate Conception
I don’t think I arrived particularly early or late,
so a number of years ago I did calculate
that it was around April 27—this date--
that my father did calculatingly ejaculate . . .
now, don’t rate this poem ‘X,’
I’m merely putting the emphasis
on the scientific facts of the genesis
of—pardon my seeming immodesty--
the marvelous entity I refer to as “me.”
April 26, 2022
[The War in the Ukraine]
THE TRUEST TRUTH
The truest truth about war ever written
is attributed to the playwright Aeschylus:
that truth is always its first casualty.
Turn on your radio, your TV, consult
the most popular social media--
the proof is deafeningly all around us.
[The War in the Ukraine]
THE TRUEST TRUTH
The truest truth about war ever written
is attributed to the playwright Aeschylus:
that truth is always its first casualty.
Turn on your radio, your TV, consult
the most popular social media--
the proof is deafeningly all around us.
April 25, 2022
s . . . l . . . e . . . e . . . p
sleep done gave me the slip today
don’t ask me why, I cannot say
sleep just got up and walked away
“maybe I’ll be nicer to you another day”
she said over her shoulder, fading to gray
promises, promises!
s . . . l . . . e . . . e . . . p
sleep done gave me the slip today
don’t ask me why, I cannot say
sleep just got up and walked away
“maybe I’ll be nicer to you another day”
she said over her shoulder, fading to gray
promises, promises!
April 24, 2022
15 Minutes of Fame
Andy Warhol did, once upon a time, proclaim
that everyone at some point in his or her
life would be entitled to 15 minutes of fame.
But personally, I think that woman in the news
today went a bit too far to aid and abet
her claim by falling head first into a toilet. *
I wonder if she live-streamed her extraction
by emergency personnel? Quite an attraction!
* UPDATE: It’s now reported that she was trying to retrieve her cellphone. Well ain’t that just like our modern world?
15 Minutes of Fame
Andy Warhol did, once upon a time, proclaim
that everyone at some point in his or her
life would be entitled to 15 minutes of fame.
But personally, I think that woman in the news
today went a bit too far to aid and abet
her claim by falling head first into a toilet. *
I wonder if she live-streamed her extraction
by emergency personnel? Quite an attraction!
* UPDATE: It’s now reported that she was trying to retrieve her cellphone. Well ain’t that just like our modern world?
April 23, 2022
[More Revolting Current Events Department]
Tucker Carlson’s “Cure”
Looks like Tucker (per NY Times) has identified
a “testosterone crisis” as the crux
of our societal problems. ‘Mr. Hyde’
to the rescue! Declining sperm counts
all over the world are a reality, and books
I’ve read point to environmental decay.
But I wouldn’t count on Tucker saving the day.
He has no scientific cred in such matters.
He’s been too long dedicated to promoting
racist claptrap, seeking to leave society in tatters.
Rather than pursuing means to boost virility,
Tucker would benefit from an infusion of empathy.
[More Revolting Current Events Department]
Tucker Carlson’s “Cure”
Looks like Tucker (per NY Times) has identified
a “testosterone crisis” as the crux
of our societal problems. ‘Mr. Hyde’
to the rescue! Declining sperm counts
all over the world are a reality, and books
I’ve read point to environmental decay.
But I wouldn’t count on Tucker saving the day.
He has no scientific cred in such matters.
He’s been too long dedicated to promoting
racist claptrap, seeking to leave society in tatters.
Rather than pursuing means to boost virility,
Tucker would benefit from an infusion of empathy.
April 22, 2022
for Mingus
[Charles Mingus, born April 22, 1922]
a complicated man,
a volatile man.
denied just recognition
of his full genius by this
society’s racist condition.
his revenge? “Original Faubus
Fables,” wherein we look into the maw
of the soul of a certain Governor of Arkansas
and find the hateful ugliness.
“Goodbye Porkpie Hat,”
to honor Lester Young, is where it’s at.
“Meditations on Integration,”
“Orange was the color of her dress, then silk blue”
—that’s the title, I wouldn’t kid you.
beneath “Peggy’s Blue Skylight”
he penned “Free Cellblock F, ’tis
Nazi USA” and “Remember Rockefeller
at Attica”; all these titles are real,
I wouldn’t kid you, brother!
try this one on: “All the things you could
be by now if Sigmund Freud’s
wife was your mother”!!
“Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting,”
“Haitian Fight Song,” “Duke Ellington’s
Sound of Love” and oh so many others.
it sounds like a cliche, but I have to say,
another Mingus won’t soon come our way.
[Charles Mingus, born April 22, 1922]
a complicated man,
a volatile man.
denied just recognition
of his full genius by this
society’s racist condition.
his revenge? “Original Faubus
Fables,” wherein we look into the maw
of the soul of a certain Governor of Arkansas
and find the hateful ugliness.
“Goodbye Porkpie Hat,”
to honor Lester Young, is where it’s at.
“Meditations on Integration,”
“Orange was the color of her dress, then silk blue”
—that’s the title, I wouldn’t kid you.
beneath “Peggy’s Blue Skylight”
he penned “Free Cellblock F, ’tis
Nazi USA” and “Remember Rockefeller
at Attica”; all these titles are real,
I wouldn’t kid you, brother!
try this one on: “All the things you could
be by now if Sigmund Freud’s
wife was your mother”!!
“Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting,”
“Haitian Fight Song,” “Duke Ellington’s
Sound of Love” and oh so many others.
it sounds like a cliche, but I have to say,
another Mingus won’t soon come our way.
April 21, 2022
[Revolting Developments in “Entertainment” Department]
What WERE they thinking?!?
Rudy Giuliani on ‘The Masked Singer’??
He should’ve been costumed as a
jackass, ‘cuz for that he’s sure a ringer!
I have never watched that stupid show, never!
And this just seals the deal: I won’t, not ever!!
[Revolting Developments in “Entertainment” Department]
What WERE they thinking?!?
Rudy Giuliani on ‘The Masked Singer’??
He should’ve been costumed as a
jackass, ‘cuz for that he’s sure a ringer!
I have never watched that stupid show, never!
And this just seals the deal: I won’t, not ever!!
April 20, 2022
[Follow-up to yesterday’s offering]
INSIDE THE HEARING ROOM
EXCLUSIVE!! Transcribed from a secret microphone inside the chamber where the Florida State Commission on Public Education was evaluating candidates for textbooks to be used in the state.
There is no attempt at a rhyme scheme here, for which the author makes no apology whatsoever.
The Chief Examiner: “Now, Mr. Chairman,
here is a sterling example of objectionable
material. Here on page 23 of Math is Fun!,
new revised edition, we find this exercise, and
I quote verbatim: ‘Malik, an African-American
honors student, likes to play video games at a
local video arcade. One evening, he and his
Hispanic friends, Luis and Henrique, and their
Asian-American buddy Chen, are the only customers
in the arcade. Question: how many video game players
are in the arcade that evening?’ (end quote).
The textbook states the answer is four players.”
The Chairman: “Oh, that is clearly erroneous! The
correct answer is obviously 3 3/5 video game players,
‘cuz everyone should know by now that a black man
only counts as 3/5 of a person in our great state.”
Chief Examiner: “Exactly my sentiment, Mr. Chairman.
So I move that this textbook be ruled unacceptable
in our great educational system.”
Chairman: “So ruled! We do like the good old ways
down here, don’t we, heh-heh!”
[Follow-up to yesterday’s offering]
INSIDE THE HEARING ROOM
EXCLUSIVE!! Transcribed from a secret microphone inside the chamber where the Florida State Commission on Public Education was evaluating candidates for textbooks to be used in the state.
There is no attempt at a rhyme scheme here, for which the author makes no apology whatsoever.
The Chief Examiner: “Now, Mr. Chairman,
here is a sterling example of objectionable
material. Here on page 23 of Math is Fun!,
new revised edition, we find this exercise, and
I quote verbatim: ‘Malik, an African-American
honors student, likes to play video games at a
local video arcade. One evening, he and his
Hispanic friends, Luis and Henrique, and their
Asian-American buddy Chen, are the only customers
in the arcade. Question: how many video game players
are in the arcade that evening?’ (end quote).
The textbook states the answer is four players.”
The Chairman: “Oh, that is clearly erroneous! The
correct answer is obviously 3 3/5 video game players,
‘cuz everyone should know by now that a black man
only counts as 3/5 of a person in our great state.”
Chief Examiner: “Exactly my sentiment, Mr. Chairman.
So I move that this textbook be ruled unacceptable
in our great educational system.”
Chairman: “So ruled! We do like the good old ways
down here, don’t we, heh-heh!”
April 19, 2022
In the Land of Surreal Idiocy
Once upon a time there was a magical--
or so it was said—place called Florida.
But something is now very rotten
in this not-quite-a-Utopia.
It’s called the Republican Party.
Its latest target is Mathematics
textbooks for use in public education:
you see, somehow, officials are finding
hints of “Critical Race Theory” in 40%
of such proposed books and that rules
them out of contention. A matter of real gravity!
Oh, Florida, you are surely one destination
I’ll not visit (as if I could afford a vacation!).
Not that you have a monopoly on idiots and fools,
you’re just a little too proud of your depravity.
Once upon a time there was a magical--
or so it was said—place called Florida.
But something is now very rotten
in this not-quite-a-Utopia.
It’s called the Republican Party.
Its latest target is Mathematics
textbooks for use in public education:
you see, somehow, officials are finding
hints of “Critical Race Theory” in 40%
of such proposed books and that rules
them out of contention. A matter of real gravity!
Oh, Florida, you are surely one destination
I’ll not visit (as if I could afford a vacation!).
Not that you have a monopoly on idiots and fools,
you’re just a little too proud of your depravity.
April 18, 2022
Elon Musk
Elon Musk wants to own Twitter.
That company’s management
wants to leave him feeling bitter.
This dude’s personal politics are
more than a little weird, seems to me.
I suspect he wants every rightwing
nutcase in the world to be free
to post the most outrageous nonsense
one could imagine. No standards, no bars.
Because, you know, current political
raving in America is insufficiently intense!
Elon, you should’ve stuck to electric cars!
Elon Musk
Elon Musk wants to own Twitter.
That company’s management
wants to leave him feeling bitter.
This dude’s personal politics are
more than a little weird, seems to me.
I suspect he wants every rightwing
nutcase in the world to be free
to post the most outrageous nonsense
one could imagine. No standards, no bars.
Because, you know, current political
raving in America is insufficiently intense!
Elon, you should’ve stuck to electric cars!
April 17, 2022
THIS WAS NOT WRITTEN BY A MACHINE
I see in NY Times that machine intelligence (AI)
has reached the point where prose that can
pass for human-written is now feasible. (Sigh.)
Are Stephen King and J.K. Rowling soon to be
on the dole? Nothing to worry about for me,
I don’t receive a bloody farthing for my work.
This subject reminds me of a scene in The Player,
Robert Altman’s spoof of the Hollywood scene,
where a studio executive suggests shedding a layer
in the production process, to save money, by
pink-slipping all the writers! That was 30 years ago,
but a coming event can cast its foreshadow.
Fellow scribes, I suggest we not get into a panic.
But for kicks, let’s ponder this: when the first work
claimed to be a novel written by AI appears, will the
“author” demand a review written by an AI book critic?
I see in NY Times that machine intelligence (AI)
has reached the point where prose that can
pass for human-written is now feasible. (Sigh.)
Are Stephen King and J.K. Rowling soon to be
on the dole? Nothing to worry about for me,
I don’t receive a bloody farthing for my work.
This subject reminds me of a scene in The Player,
Robert Altman’s spoof of the Hollywood scene,
where a studio executive suggests shedding a layer
in the production process, to save money, by
pink-slipping all the writers! That was 30 years ago,
but a coming event can cast its foreshadow.
Fellow scribes, I suggest we not get into a panic.
But for kicks, let’s ponder this: when the first work
claimed to be a novel written by AI appears, will the
“author” demand a review written by an AI book critic?
April 16, 2022
Shirley MacLaine
I’ve never really been a “fan” of Ms. MacLaine,
but tonight I watched Billy Wilder’s The Apartment
for perhaps the first time, though I’d long known
it is held in highest esteem by many a critic.
Ms. MacLaine simply melted my heart as ‘Fran Kubelik.’
A simply marvelous performance, a career highlight.
In the same year we got Spartacus, from Stanley Kubrick,
but he merely completed what others had begun
and ultimately repudiated that flick.
Inherit the Wind was also in the Best Picture run,
but though I so often disagree with the Academy’s pick
it would be hard to argue that they got it wrong that year:
Best Film, Best Director, Best Screenplay—the whole schmear!
Shirley MacLaine
I’ve never really been a “fan” of Ms. MacLaine,
but tonight I watched Billy Wilder’s The Apartment
for perhaps the first time, though I’d long known
it is held in highest esteem by many a critic.
Ms. MacLaine simply melted my heart as ‘Fran Kubelik.’
A simply marvelous performance, a career highlight.
In the same year we got Spartacus, from Stanley Kubrick,
but he merely completed what others had begun
and ultimately repudiated that flick.
Inherit the Wind was also in the Best Picture run,
but though I so often disagree with the Academy’s pick
it would be hard to argue that they got it wrong that year:
Best Film, Best Director, Best Screenplay—the whole schmear!
April 15, 2022
Bumble Bees and Little Black Flies
Yesterday I saw my first bumble bee of the year,
working tirelessly, as usual, for benefit of us all.
“How benign is Nature,” I said to myself with great cheer.
But soon thereafter I was under attack by those
little black biting flies that I’d only encountered in fall.
One September, decades ago, they’d driven me from
a campground in Nova Scotia, the dastardly wretches!
Is their spring appearance just another “benefit”
global warming fetches?!
Bumble Bees and Little Black Flies
Yesterday I saw my first bumble bee of the year,
working tirelessly, as usual, for benefit of us all.
“How benign is Nature,” I said to myself with great cheer.
But soon thereafter I was under attack by those
little black biting flies that I’d only encountered in fall.
One September, decades ago, they’d driven me from
a campground in Nova Scotia, the dastardly wretches!
Is their spring appearance just another “benefit”
global warming fetches?!
April 14, 2022
The Toad and I—a tale of mutual surprise
Still prepping the hole for a Dogwood tree;
This little tree’s gonna be the most pampered in history.
Of the native soil I turned over another shovel-load,
And found I’d unearthed a dull gray little toad.
Doubtless she wasn’t thrilled to suddenly be in bright sunshine.
Neither of us had planned this; her surprise was matched by mine.
Thank goodness my shovel had inflicted no injury,
Amphibians being at great risk thanks to human idiocy.
I nudged my new-found little friend out of harm’s way
With all good wishes to have a splendid toad day!
Still prepping the hole for a Dogwood tree;
This little tree’s gonna be the most pampered in history.
Of the native soil I turned over another shovel-load,
And found I’d unearthed a dull gray little toad.
Doubtless she wasn’t thrilled to suddenly be in bright sunshine.
Neither of us had planned this; her surprise was matched by mine.
Thank goodness my shovel had inflicted no injury,
Amphibians being at great risk thanks to human idiocy.
I nudged my new-found little friend out of harm’s way
With all good wishes to have a splendid toad day!
April 13, 2022
CATARACTS!!
Got my eyes checked today, after
a long, long time between examinations.
Got the news I expected. Lamentations!
It’s gonna be cataract surgery for me,
both eyes. Whatever Medicare kicks in,
I need desperately. I hope it ain’t paltry!
CATARACTS!!
Got my eyes checked today, after
a long, long time between examinations.
Got the news I expected. Lamentations!
It’s gonna be cataract surgery for me,
both eyes. Whatever Medicare kicks in,
I need desperately. I hope it ain’t paltry!
April 12, 2022
A well regulated militia . . .
“A well regulated militia being necessary”
the right of an individual to shoot passengers
on a New York City subway train “shall not be
infringed.” Because this is the land of the free.
But I am forced to believe that sick individuals
are products of a very, very sick society.
A well regulated militia . . .
“A well regulated militia being necessary”
the right of an individual to shoot passengers
on a New York City subway train “shall not be
infringed.” Because this is the land of the free.
But I am forced to believe that sick individuals
are products of a very, very sick society.
April 11, 2022
Halfway to China!
An afternoon of digging in my backyard,
prepping a hole to receive a new Dogwood.
Clay, clay and still more clay! It’s hard!
Hard to get past the clay, that is, to make good
the growth medium roots can penetrate
without prolonged periods of being too wet.
Plant life can be finicky, I need to placate
best I can. Still more clay to remove; will I get
to China before this job is done?? Stay tuned!
The payoff will be lovely blossoms galore,
but in the short term my lower back’s ruined.
This landscaping job may ultimately be part of folk lore.
Halfway to China!
An afternoon of digging in my backyard,
prepping a hole to receive a new Dogwood.
Clay, clay and still more clay! It’s hard!
Hard to get past the clay, that is, to make good
the growth medium roots can penetrate
without prolonged periods of being too wet.
Plant life can be finicky, I need to placate
best I can. Still more clay to remove; will I get
to China before this job is done?? Stay tuned!
The payoff will be lovely blossoms galore,
but in the short term my lower back’s ruined.
This landscaping job may ultimately be part of folk lore.
April 10, 2022
Just how loud can milk get, anyway?
Because my taste in music is wildly eclectic,
ranging from Chopin to Jimi Hendrix-electric,
many bits of knowledge I have acquired.
Like, I know many songs of Folkies were sired
long ago by one John D. Loudermilk. Let’s
break that down: louder milk. And it gets
stranger, for there’s now a Bluegrass band
led by an Edgar Loudermilk. It’s out of hand!
What’s being compared? Is yak milk louder
than that of domestic cows? Are yaks prouder
for this bragging right? And who shall be arbiter
of whose milk is loudest? Some nerd experimenter?
Blue Whale, largest mammal on land or at sea, no contest.
Shouldn’t its milk be loud enough to deafen us?
So just how loud can milk get, anyway?
Only scientific study can tell us, perhaps some day.
Just how loud can milk get, anyway?
Because my taste in music is wildly eclectic,
ranging from Chopin to Jimi Hendrix-electric,
many bits of knowledge I have acquired.
Like, I know many songs of Folkies were sired
long ago by one John D. Loudermilk. Let’s
break that down: louder milk. And it gets
stranger, for there’s now a Bluegrass band
led by an Edgar Loudermilk. It’s out of hand!
What’s being compared? Is yak milk louder
than that of domestic cows? Are yaks prouder
for this bragging right? And who shall be arbiter
of whose milk is loudest? Some nerd experimenter?
Blue Whale, largest mammal on land or at sea, no contest.
Shouldn’t its milk be loud enough to deafen us?
So just how loud can milk get, anyway?
Only scientific study can tell us, perhaps some day.
April 9, 2022
Opening Day, Slight Delay
I’m not a dyed in the wool baseball fan,
but in ’04 I took out citizenship in “Red Sox Nation.”
Sox were battling the dreaded Yankees
for right to advance to the World Series.
Sick and tired of the New Yorkers’ sense of entitlement
to win every damned year, I’d built up resentment.
Boston went on, of course, to break “The Curse
of the Bambino” in the Series that fall, you’ll recall.
But I was well aware that to belong to “Red Sox Nation”
is to suffer the torments of eternal damnation!
And so, a day late thanks to the rain,
Sox opened their season in the lair of the enemy.
Jumped out to a quick lead, then managed to lose
by one lousy run in Inning number eleven. The usual pain.
But at least reversion to this pattern confirms
a certain stability in the unfolding of the universe.
We’ve yet to be incinerated in World War III,
so hey, things could be worse!
Opening Day, Slight Delay
I’m not a dyed in the wool baseball fan,
but in ’04 I took out citizenship in “Red Sox Nation.”
Sox were battling the dreaded Yankees
for right to advance to the World Series.
Sick and tired of the New Yorkers’ sense of entitlement
to win every damned year, I’d built up resentment.
Boston went on, of course, to break “The Curse
of the Bambino” in the Series that fall, you’ll recall.
But I was well aware that to belong to “Red Sox Nation”
is to suffer the torments of eternal damnation!
And so, a day late thanks to the rain,
Sox opened their season in the lair of the enemy.
Jumped out to a quick lead, then managed to lose
by one lousy run in Inning number eleven. The usual pain.
But at least reversion to this pattern confirms
a certain stability in the unfolding of the universe.
We’ve yet to be incinerated in World War III,
so hey, things could be worse!
April 8, 2022
Has the GOP “gone soft”?!
I was wrong in my prediction
that Judge Ketanji Jackson would meet rejection.
I’d expected that Sinema and/or Manchin
would scuttle Biden’s ship from within.
But they toed the party line. And the GOP
Senators? They “only” voted 94% racist!! Oh, it’s true--
race was the major factor, the real decisive issue.
So congratulations to Judge Jackson,
you’re gonna have a blast when
good ol’ Clarence Thomas is getting his freak on!
Has the GOP “gone soft”?!
I was wrong in my prediction
that Judge Ketanji Jackson would meet rejection.
I’d expected that Sinema and/or Manchin
would scuttle Biden’s ship from within.
But they toed the party line. And the GOP
Senators? They “only” voted 94% racist!! Oh, it’s true--
race was the major factor, the real decisive issue.
So congratulations to Judge Jackson,
you’re gonna have a blast when
good ol’ Clarence Thomas is getting his freak on!
April 7, 2022
“It’s alive, it’s alive! It’s alive, I tell you!!”
No, that wasn’t Dr. Henry Frankenstein,
as memorably portrayed by Colin Clive.
That was yours truly this afternoon,
discovering that my apple tree was alive.
Only a few years since I put it in the ground,
neglected it as droughts and winds went around.
It’s severely bent, tugged down by invasive
vines, another plague at my planting site,
but to my amazement sporting nascent blossom.
Battered as well by falling limbs from taller trees,
as high winds have supplanted mere gentle breeze.
But with whatever tree doctoring skill I can muster,
and all might, I shall strive to save this brave plant,
though in this wretched location an edible apple can’t
be guaranteed to actually ever survive. And yet . . .
and yet . . . “It’s alive! It’s alive, I tell you, alive!!”
“It’s alive, it’s alive! It’s alive, I tell you!!”
No, that wasn’t Dr. Henry Frankenstein,
as memorably portrayed by Colin Clive.
That was yours truly this afternoon,
discovering that my apple tree was alive.
Only a few years since I put it in the ground,
neglected it as droughts and winds went around.
It’s severely bent, tugged down by invasive
vines, another plague at my planting site,
but to my amazement sporting nascent blossom.
Battered as well by falling limbs from taller trees,
as high winds have supplanted mere gentle breeze.
But with whatever tree doctoring skill I can muster,
and all might, I shall strive to save this brave plant,
though in this wretched location an edible apple can’t
be guaranteed to actually ever survive. And yet . . .
and yet . . . “It’s alive! It’s alive, I tell you, alive!!”
April 6, 2022
[Product Marketing Department]
At the Supermarket
On the Cereal Aisle, front of a box of Wheaties--
“Breakfast of Champions”—why does that face
look so familiar? The face we couldn’t escape
even if we blasted into deep space.
Oh, of course! It’s Volodymyr Zelensky’s!!
And he’s wearing his SuperHero’s cape.
[Product Marketing Department]
At the Supermarket
On the Cereal Aisle, front of a box of Wheaties--
“Breakfast of Champions”—why does that face
look so familiar? The face we couldn’t escape
even if we blasted into deep space.
Oh, of course! It’s Volodymyr Zelensky’s!!
And he’s wearing his SuperHero’s cape.
April 5, 2022
Snow Man on the Corner
The corner house on my street
still has a snow man on display.
True, he’s a hundred percent fake--
artificial, that is to say--
but still this strikes me as kind of funny.
Funny as in peculiar, weird, out of place.
Perhaps those folks plan to remake
this “being” as the Easter Bunny?
It’s bad enough some folks don’t take
down their Christmas lights and creches
until well into the new year, but a fake snow
man? Regime change needed! He’s got to go!
Snow Man on the Corner
The corner house on my street
still has a snow man on display.
True, he’s a hundred percent fake--
artificial, that is to say--
but still this strikes me as kind of funny.
Funny as in peculiar, weird, out of place.
Perhaps those folks plan to remake
this “being” as the Easter Bunny?
It’s bad enough some folks don’t take
down their Christmas lights and creches
until well into the new year, but a fake snow
man? Regime change needed! He’s got to go!
April 4, 2022
[In Memory of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.]
MIRROR, MIRROR
President of the United States: Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who’s the greatest War Criminal of them all?
The Magic Mirror: Why, look no further, baby,
it’s your own country. Ain’t no disputin’!
POTUS: Mirror, come on! You gotta say “Putin”!
The Mirror: But Joe, I was created by a wizard
to tell only the unvarnished truth. That’s what I do.
That was so long ago the details are fuzzy,
but my maker wasn’t no fool, now was he?
POTUS: You’re pissing me off, mirror. I can
order you terminated, you know. Only need say
“With extreme prejudice, yes, terminate.”
The Mirror: Whatever, dude. The Truth will
remain. You have no magic power Truth to eliminate.
POTUS: Listen, this Russian is a really bad guy.
There must be something the two of us can try
to bring him down. We’re furiously at work to
further sully his reputation. He’s got to go!
The Mirror: Not my problem, dude. I was created
not for propaganda, but only the truth to tell.
If someone’s feelings get hurt, they can go to Hell!
POTUS: That’s all I’m gonna take from you,
you wretched expanse of non-compliant glass!
The Mirror: Fine, go on, shatter me to pieces.
But first, shall we talk about the Vietnamese?
Even they don’t know how many of their
people your country murdered. Let’s talk Korea,
Iraq, Somalia, Afghans, Libya, and don’t forget Syria.
A very wise man, fifty-five years ago today,
bemoaned that his very own country was the
greatest purveyor of violence in the world.
And what’s changed, Mr. President, pray tell?
Come back and talk to me again when the
banner of World Peace your country’s unfurled.
MIRROR, MIRROR
President of the United States: Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who’s the greatest War Criminal of them all?
The Magic Mirror: Why, look no further, baby,
it’s your own country. Ain’t no disputin’!
POTUS: Mirror, come on! You gotta say “Putin”!
The Mirror: But Joe, I was created by a wizard
to tell only the unvarnished truth. That’s what I do.
That was so long ago the details are fuzzy,
but my maker wasn’t no fool, now was he?
POTUS: You’re pissing me off, mirror. I can
order you terminated, you know. Only need say
“With extreme prejudice, yes, terminate.”
The Mirror: Whatever, dude. The Truth will
remain. You have no magic power Truth to eliminate.
POTUS: Listen, this Russian is a really bad guy.
There must be something the two of us can try
to bring him down. We’re furiously at work to
further sully his reputation. He’s got to go!
The Mirror: Not my problem, dude. I was created
not for propaganda, but only the truth to tell.
If someone’s feelings get hurt, they can go to Hell!
POTUS: That’s all I’m gonna take from you,
you wretched expanse of non-compliant glass!
The Mirror: Fine, go on, shatter me to pieces.
But first, shall we talk about the Vietnamese?
Even they don’t know how many of their
people your country murdered. Let’s talk Korea,
Iraq, Somalia, Afghans, Libya, and don’t forget Syria.
A very wise man, fifty-five years ago today,
bemoaned that his very own country was the
greatest purveyor of violence in the world.
And what’s changed, Mr. President, pray tell?
Come back and talk to me again when the
banner of World Peace your country’s unfurled.
April 3, 2022
Oh, The Grammys! Don’t get me started!!
If there’s any broadcast worse than the Academy Awards,
it’s got to be The Grammys, where folks get rewards
for their commercial success. Actual musical talent?
A secondary consideration at best! It doesn’t relent!
Now, among my friends I happen to number some musicians,
and a Grammy win for them puts me in an awkward position.
But I’ll congratulate them, and that’ll come from my heart;
yet it’s a rare display of diplomacy on my part!
Oh, The Grammys! Don’t get me started!!
If there’s any broadcast worse than the Academy Awards,
it’s got to be The Grammys, where folks get rewards
for their commercial success. Actual musical talent?
A secondary consideration at best! It doesn’t relent!
Now, among my friends I happen to number some musicians,
and a Grammy win for them puts me in an awkward position.
But I’ll congratulate them, and that’ll come from my heart;
yet it’s a rare display of diplomacy on my part!
April 2, 2022
[College Basketball’s Big Weekend]
Left in the lurch
For some, watching the Final Four is like going to church,
but no worship for me, I’m hung out to dry, left in the lurch.
I can no longer afford cable TV, don’t you see.
Curse the unalloyed greed of that accursed industry!
(And pardon that bit of verbal redundancy.)
[College Basketball’s Big Weekend]
Left in the lurch
For some, watching the Final Four is like going to church,
but no worship for me, I’m hung out to dry, left in the lurch.
I can no longer afford cable TV, don’t you see.
Curse the unalloyed greed of that accursed industry!
(And pardon that bit of verbal redundancy.)
April 1, 2022
Why I’ve Decided to Join the Republican Party
I’m tired of Welfare Queens in their fancy wheels.
Limp-wristed Liberal Democrat bureaucrats
always looking for ways to cut new deals
to appease those tree-hugging Ecology rats.
Effete Ivy League eggheads, they strut and preen;
the intellect we should follow belongs to Marjorie Taylor Greene!
Regulate this, regulate that! Whatever became
of good old American Entrepreneurialism??
They wanna regulate us into a state of Socialism!
These “nattering nabobs of negativism”! *
Me, I want mine, and I want it right now!
The poor, homeless, disabled, the mentally ill—pow!
Just go find a quiet corner and die of the chill!
Ayn Rand, Ronald Reagan, Barry Goldwater
and Rand Paul, follow their lead we oughter.
Restore Donald Trump to the White House!
His election victory was stolen, oh it’s true!
He made America great again. Make some noise!
Next I’ll pledge allegiance to the Proud Boys,
they’ll defend the ol’ Red, White and Blue!
No more elitist Dems treating us like simple tools!
Oh, and by the way . . . APRIL FOOLS!!
* I am forever in debt to William Safire for this phrase, penned for a speech by Spiro Agnew.
March 31, 2022
[Frontiers of Science Department]
Evolution of the Mammalian Brain
An article in New York Times today
recounts the evolution of mammals
after the decimation of the dinosaurs
by the asteroid landing on Yucatan Bay.
Comparing body mass in relation to brain size
in mammals on the whole, it’s there posited
that what in a human’s skull is deposited
is seven times bigger than what might be “expected.”
But one little matter’s glaringly neglected:
this notion would be easily contradicted, put to flight,
if we examined the brain of a QAnon acolyte.
A Great Leap Backward in Human Evolution!
We’d find mental function inferior to a troglodyte,
prone to swallowing the most preposterous
political propaganda and simple superstition.
[Frontiers of Science Department]
Evolution of the Mammalian Brain
An article in New York Times today
recounts the evolution of mammals
after the decimation of the dinosaurs
by the asteroid landing on Yucatan Bay.
Comparing body mass in relation to brain size
in mammals on the whole, it’s there posited
that what in a human’s skull is deposited
is seven times bigger than what might be “expected.”
But one little matter’s glaringly neglected:
this notion would be easily contradicted, put to flight,
if we examined the brain of a QAnon acolyte.
A Great Leap Backward in Human Evolution!
We’d find mental function inferior to a troglodyte,
prone to swallowing the most preposterous
political propaganda and simple superstition.
March 30, 2022
Beware the PEACE SCARE!
The US Establishment’s in a tizzy,
heads spinning in state of high alarm.
Another half-billion in military aid
rushed to the war front—it makes one dizzy.
Heaven forbid peace should break out,
war is so full of unctuous charm.
Media people rushed to the Ukraine
to bolster their careers. Even Don Lemon!
Never ending are the evils of the Russians.
A little progress in negotiations? Oh, the pain!
Spread the word! Putin doesn’t mean it,
the Russkies no one will ever be able to trust!
If this war winds down, we’ll need a new distraction,
a peace-time economy’s liable to go bust.
We’ll just have to go confront China
with new vigor. Yeah, that’ll stir up some action!
Beware the PEACE SCARE!
The US Establishment’s in a tizzy,
heads spinning in state of high alarm.
Another half-billion in military aid
rushed to the war front—it makes one dizzy.
Heaven forbid peace should break out,
war is so full of unctuous charm.
Media people rushed to the Ukraine
to bolster their careers. Even Don Lemon!
Never ending are the evils of the Russians.
A little progress in negotiations? Oh, the pain!
Spread the word! Putin doesn’t mean it,
the Russkies no one will ever be able to trust!
If this war winds down, we’ll need a new distraction,
a peace-time economy’s liable to go bust.
We’ll just have to go confront China
with new vigor. Yeah, that’ll stir up some action!
March 29, 2022
[Trends in Absurdity Department]
Get Yours While You Can!
When The End comes—by war, by
complete collapse of the ecology,
by asteroid impact, you name it--
I know you’ll want to be the absolute envy
of all your friends, of the public in general,
if not perhaps to include your favorite enemy.
So listen up, here’s what you must bear
on your wrist, no choice, it’s mandatory:
The Octo Finissimo Ultra, world’s thinnest
watch, with titanium band, by Bulgari!
But you must not delay, they only made ten!
And this baby will set you back a mere
four-hundred-forty Gs. Did you hear?
Get up off the floor. Now I’ll say it again:
The price tag reads $440,000.00, before tax. A steal,
wouldn’t you agree? This ain’t fake, the price is real.
[Trends in Absurdity Department]
Get Yours While You Can!
When The End comes—by war, by
complete collapse of the ecology,
by asteroid impact, you name it--
I know you’ll want to be the absolute envy
of all your friends, of the public in general,
if not perhaps to include your favorite enemy.
So listen up, here’s what you must bear
on your wrist, no choice, it’s mandatory:
The Octo Finissimo Ultra, world’s thinnest
watch, with titanium band, by Bulgari!
But you must not delay, they only made ten!
And this baby will set you back a mere
four-hundred-forty Gs. Did you hear?
Get up off the floor. Now I’ll say it again:
The price tag reads $440,000.00, before tax. A steal,
wouldn’t you agree? This ain’t fake, the price is real.
March 28, 2022
And now a word from your friendly local War Profiteer
I was fairly astonished today to hear
a radio ad from our friendly local War Profiteer
(they have a presence in my state), Lockheed-
Martin, touting a product they assure we really need,
that wonderful, way overpriced flying war steed,
the fabulous F-35 Fighter Jet! What’s their task?
They’re trying to in a heavenly glow bask,
helping to defend “The Free World” from Putin
The Evil, who’s clearly in league with Satan!
Or so the spin doctors of pro-war propaganda
would have us believe. Yep, that’s the agenda.
And already Mr. Biden has upped Pentagon spending
in his proposed new Federal budget. It’s war never-ending.
And now a word from your friendly local War Profiteer
I was fairly astonished today to hear
a radio ad from our friendly local War Profiteer
(they have a presence in my state), Lockheed-
Martin, touting a product they assure we really need,
that wonderful, way overpriced flying war steed,
the fabulous F-35 Fighter Jet! What’s their task?
They’re trying to in a heavenly glow bask,
helping to defend “The Free World” from Putin
The Evil, who’s clearly in league with Satan!
Or so the spin doctors of pro-war propaganda
would have us believe. Yep, that’s the agenda.
And already Mr. Biden has upped Pentagon spending
in his proposed new Federal budget. It’s war never-ending.
March 27, 2022
[It’s Oscars Night, woo-hoo!]
Frankly, my dear, I really truly don’t give a damn!
Even if I still had cable TV,
and thus the capability,
you’d have to pay me handsomely
to sit through the dreadful ceremony
of the Academy Awards! For you see,
I can guarantee thee I would disagree--
very possibly rather violently!--
with the choices made by the
members of The Academy.
I spent the evening far more productively,
watching 1962’s The Exterminating Angel,
directed by the one and only Luis Bunuel.
[It’s Oscars Night, woo-hoo!]
Frankly, my dear, I really truly don’t give a damn!
Even if I still had cable TV,
and thus the capability,
you’d have to pay me handsomely
to sit through the dreadful ceremony
of the Academy Awards! For you see,
I can guarantee thee I would disagree--
very possibly rather violently!--
with the choices made by the
members of The Academy.
I spent the evening far more productively,
watching 1962’s The Exterminating Angel,
directed by the one and only Luis Bunuel.
March 26, 2022
“And the Best Actor Oscar goes to Joe Biden, in the role of Ronald Reagan!”
Back in the 1980s, the keenly perceptive Gil Scott-Heron
characterized Reagan’s attitude toward the Soviet Union
as “Get off my planet by sundown!” Now, Ronnie was an actor,
and a not very accomplished one, but thanks to this factor
and that, held the office of President for eight wretched years.
Joseph R. Biden, Jr. can now boast of raising similar fears,
fears of wars lasting decades, he almost made that a vow
in his big speech in Poland. “This man [Putin] we can’t allow
to remain in power” declared Tough Guy Joe, Mr. Machismo.
What brand of diplomacy—you talk about it often—is this, Joe?
Please, Mr. Biden, stop taking supplemental testosterone
before you cause the whole world in pieces to be blown!
“And the Best Actor Oscar goes to Joe Biden, in the role of Ronald Reagan!”
Back in the 1980s, the keenly perceptive Gil Scott-Heron
characterized Reagan’s attitude toward the Soviet Union
as “Get off my planet by sundown!” Now, Ronnie was an actor,
and a not very accomplished one, but thanks to this factor
and that, held the office of President for eight wretched years.
Joseph R. Biden, Jr. can now boast of raising similar fears,
fears of wars lasting decades, he almost made that a vow
in his big speech in Poland. “This man [Putin] we can’t allow
to remain in power” declared Tough Guy Joe, Mr. Machismo.
What brand of diplomacy—you talk about it often—is this, Joe?
Please, Mr. Biden, stop taking supplemental testosterone
before you cause the whole world in pieces to be blown!
March 25, 2022
“The Free World”—it’s baaa-ack! (the phrase, that is)
I’ve been trying for some time now to explain
to one and all that “the Cold War” never ended;
thus, talk of “a new Cold War” gives me a pain.
The vilification of China and Russia was never suspended.
If you’re gonna pour a trillion dollars into your War Machine
(the American Way!), you need Enemies, it’s simple and clean.
For a while, they were merely “rival” or “adversary,”
but now Satanic Putin and the Russkies are the “Enemy.”
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to hear a commentator
on radio today trot out the old concept of the US as protector
of “The Free World,” and yet this still puzzled me.
Russia and China have Capitalist systems now, you see.
“Free Enterprise” is what oligarchs are all about, after all:
They rake in the billions, decry Socialism with a cat call.
So where, exactly, resides the opposite of this world free??
And how free are we, really, in this so-called “democracy”??
“The Free World”—it’s baaa-ack! (the phrase, that is)
I’ve been trying for some time now to explain
to one and all that “the Cold War” never ended;
thus, talk of “a new Cold War” gives me a pain.
The vilification of China and Russia was never suspended.
If you’re gonna pour a trillion dollars into your War Machine
(the American Way!), you need Enemies, it’s simple and clean.
For a while, they were merely “rival” or “adversary,”
but now Satanic Putin and the Russkies are the “Enemy.”
I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to hear a commentator
on radio today trot out the old concept of the US as protector
of “The Free World,” and yet this still puzzled me.
Russia and China have Capitalist systems now, you see.
“Free Enterprise” is what oligarchs are all about, after all:
They rake in the billions, decry Socialism with a cat call.
So where, exactly, resides the opposite of this world free??
And how free are we, really, in this so-called “democracy”??
March 24, 2022
An Offer We Couldn’t Refuse
Woe is me, I’m kind of distraught.
I missed noting the passing of an
important anniversary, which I really ought
not have done. It’s ten days already, see,
since anniversary of the Premiere, in NYC,
of The Godfather! Brando! Pacino! Cazale!
And even some folks—Caan! Keaton (Diane)!--
whose names don’t end in a vowel, by golly!
That was a mere half-century ago! Yes, “five-o”!
And it all started with a guy named Puzo!
He wrote the novel that Coppola put to good use;
we flocked to the box office, we could not refuse.
An Offer We Couldn’t Refuse
Woe is me, I’m kind of distraught.
I missed noting the passing of an
important anniversary, which I really ought
not have done. It’s ten days already, see,
since anniversary of the Premiere, in NYC,
of The Godfather! Brando! Pacino! Cazale!
And even some folks—Caan! Keaton (Diane)!--
whose names don’t end in a vowel, by golly!
That was a mere half-century ago! Yes, “five-o”!
And it all started with a guy named Puzo!
He wrote the novel that Coppola put to good use;
we flocked to the box office, we could not refuse.
March 23, 2022
Because She’s Not Clarence
In the twisted, perverted, hideous GOP realms,
they adore Clarence Thomas because his
politics are indistinguishable from those
of the late (hallelujah!) Senator Jess Helms.
Now, Judge Jackson can’t make such a claim,
so Republican senators have taken careful aim,
in the confirmation hearings, and Ted Cruz--
whose horrid beard makes the rest of us
so facially adorned fear our lunch we will lose--
wants to know, in essence, “When did you stop
beating . . . I mean, promoting . . . ‘Critical Race Theory’?”
Kind of hard to stop doing something you never
started, but Teddy Boy isn’t real strong in matters
of logic . . . and sorely lacking in common decency.
Nothing new in that, folks, do move along.
By the way, I’m not really following the hearings.
My stomach just ain’t that bloody strong.
Because She’s Not Clarence
In the twisted, perverted, hideous GOP realms,
they adore Clarence Thomas because his
politics are indistinguishable from those
of the late (hallelujah!) Senator Jess Helms.
Now, Judge Jackson can’t make such a claim,
so Republican senators have taken careful aim,
in the confirmation hearings, and Ted Cruz--
whose horrid beard makes the rest of us
so facially adorned fear our lunch we will lose--
wants to know, in essence, “When did you stop
beating . . . I mean, promoting . . . ‘Critical Race Theory’?”
Kind of hard to stop doing something you never
started, but Teddy Boy isn’t real strong in matters
of logic . . . and sorely lacking in common decency.
Nothing new in that, folks, do move along.
By the way, I’m not really following the hearings.
My stomach just ain’t that bloody strong.
March 22, 2022
This poem is rated ‘R’
This poem is rated ‘R’ for Ridiculous.
The flow of Spam emails coming my way
ebbs and swells, ebbs and swells.
It was in swollen mode this particular day.
Here’s a Subject line that my interest really piqued:
“German Sex Industry Penis Ritual Leaked”!!
Something decoded, perhaps, by a Cryptologist?
Looks to me more like a matter for a Urologist!
This poem is rated ‘R’
This poem is rated ‘R’ for Ridiculous.
The flow of Spam emails coming my way
ebbs and swells, ebbs and swells.
It was in swollen mode this particular day.
Here’s a Subject line that my interest really piqued:
“German Sex Industry Penis Ritual Leaked”!!
Something decoded, perhaps, by a Cryptologist?
Looks to me more like a matter for a Urologist!
March 21, 2022
Hey, I got mine for free!
According to the NY Times’s Fashion Critic--
Fashion Critic!—Mr. Zelensky’s social media
appearances have made an item iconic
out of t-shirts the US Army calls Olive Drab (OD). *
I suppose people will soon be paying big bucks
for the privilege of being seen publicly dressed so fab.
Suckers! I got my supply for “free”!
Well, okay, there was a price I had to pay . . .
a mere four years out of my life,
in a “lifestyle” that really, truly sucks! **
* Unfortunately, the color options on this website don't allow accurate representation of this color we all grew to "love" during the Vietnam War.
* * Buy my memoir and you can read all about it!
Hey, I got mine for free!
According to the NY Times’s Fashion Critic--
Fashion Critic!—Mr. Zelensky’s social media
appearances have made an item iconic
out of t-shirts the US Army calls Olive Drab (OD). *
I suppose people will soon be paying big bucks
for the privilege of being seen publicly dressed so fab.
Suckers! I got my supply for “free”!
Well, okay, there was a price I had to pay . . .
a mere four years out of my life,
in a “lifestyle” that really, truly sucks! **
* Unfortunately, the color options on this website don't allow accurate representation of this color we all grew to "love" during the Vietnam War.
* * Buy my memoir and you can read all about it!
March 20, 2022
Memo to Kanye and Kim and their ilk
(in Limerick form, by accident)
Every damned day, your asinine doings are on display
for all the world to see. Global events bring such dismay--
I’m sorry to prick the bubbles of your egos raging,
but I just don’t find “news” of you at all engaging.
Please, please, please . . . just go the hell away!!
Memo to Kanye and Kim and their ilk
(in Limerick form, by accident)
Every damned day, your asinine doings are on display
for all the world to see. Global events bring such dismay--
I’m sorry to prick the bubbles of your egos raging,
but I just don’t find “news” of you at all engaging.
Please, please, please . . . just go the hell away!!
March 19, 2022
Something About the North
The poll results for “Happiest Nation”
are once again under Nordic domination.
Finland tops the list, in the company
of Denmark, Sweden, Norway, even Iceland.
Perhaps to be happy, you must dress extra warmly?
No, that’s not quite it, and melting glaciers
are rapidly changing the physical situation.
The answer I come to after careful consideration
is that governments there are willing to practice
a more “humane” form of capitalism,
sometimes called “social democracy,”
(take your pick) rightly or wrongly.
Somehow the moneymen still rake in their gains
while a “social safety net” eases poorest folks’ pains.
Maybe the USA should take a whack at such a scheme?
Sorry, just kidding!! That one’s the most impossible dream!
Something About the North
The poll results for “Happiest Nation”
are once again under Nordic domination.
Finland tops the list, in the company
of Denmark, Sweden, Norway, even Iceland.
Perhaps to be happy, you must dress extra warmly?
No, that’s not quite it, and melting glaciers
are rapidly changing the physical situation.
The answer I come to after careful consideration
is that governments there are willing to practice
a more “humane” form of capitalism,
sometimes called “social democracy,”
(take your pick) rightly or wrongly.
Somehow the moneymen still rake in their gains
while a “social safety net” eases poorest folks’ pains.
Maybe the USA should take a whack at such a scheme?
Sorry, just kidding!! That one’s the most impossible dream!
March 18, 2022
Mr. Zelensky, a very demanding fellow
“Give me more weapons! Impose a no-fly zone!!”
The other day, this fellow chastised the Germans
for being wimps, in essence. He urged them to
rekindle that good old spirit of Nationalism.
Hmm. Things didn’t go so terrifically well
in Europe last time those spirits got sky high.
I suggest Mr. Zelensky get his testosterone
under control. War is tragic, yes, war is hell.
But do we really want to march into World War III?
If Mr. Z gets his wish for a no-fly zone,
where this all ends up is impossible to tell.
But here’s an iron-glad promise: it won’t be pretty.
Mr. Zelensky, a very demanding fellow
“Give me more weapons! Impose a no-fly zone!!”
The other day, this fellow chastised the Germans
for being wimps, in essence. He urged them to
rekindle that good old spirit of Nationalism.
Hmm. Things didn’t go so terrifically well
in Europe last time those spirits got sky high.
I suggest Mr. Zelensky get his testosterone
under control. War is tragic, yes, war is hell.
But do we really want to march into World War III?
If Mr. Z gets his wish for a no-fly zone,
where this all ends up is impossible to tell.
But here’s an iron-glad promise: it won’t be pretty.
March 17, 2022
The pipes
Another “St. Paddy’s Day” come and gone.
Parades up and down the street, hard to ignore.
Once again, the soldier used as a pawn.
Drunken attempts to sing “Danny Boy” galore.
It should be remembered that it’s a lament
for some father’s son, killed in an unspecified war.
Lies and more lies, as the next fight is in ferment.
And why these pipes from the Scottish Highlands
on a day that’s supposed to be for us Irish?! *
Pipes designed to roar like a pack of banshees,
meant by the Scots to terrify their enemies.
I find the Uillean pipes vastly more pleasing.
Only drawback is, you can’t blow them as loudly.
As a son of Erin, a few generations removed, I proclaim proudly:
Highlands vs. Uillean, there’s no bloody comparison!
There, I’ve had my say. Now, laddie, pass me the Jameson!
* Truth be told, I’m a mix of Scots and Irish. As I like to boast, “The worst of both worlds!”
The pipes
Another “St. Paddy’s Day” come and gone.
Parades up and down the street, hard to ignore.
Once again, the soldier used as a pawn.
Drunken attempts to sing “Danny Boy” galore.
It should be remembered that it’s a lament
for some father’s son, killed in an unspecified war.
Lies and more lies, as the next fight is in ferment.
And why these pipes from the Scottish Highlands
on a day that’s supposed to be for us Irish?! *
Pipes designed to roar like a pack of banshees,
meant by the Scots to terrify their enemies.
I find the Uillean pipes vastly more pleasing.
Only drawback is, you can’t blow them as loudly.
As a son of Erin, a few generations removed, I proclaim proudly:
Highlands vs. Uillean, there’s no bloody comparison!
There, I’ve had my say. Now, laddie, pass me the Jameson!
* Truth be told, I’m a mix of Scots and Irish. As I like to boast, “The worst of both worlds!”
March 16, 2022
The Greatest Crime of All
To Washington DC in 1971—a half-century ago!--
went the good Captain Jacques-Yves Cousteau.
The United States Congress he did address
and spoke eloquently of Earth’s mounting distress.
His Mediterranean Sea research had shown there
were already areas almost too warm for a human to bear.
The phrase “global warming” was scarcely in use
then, but keen minds understood that glaciers and
the polar ice caps would vanish with Earth’s further abuse.
Short-term profits are always the driving force,
so polluting corporations refused to change course.
And now our dear planet is gasping, dying. Exaggerations?
O Humankind, conveniently blind, I pity your future generations!
Our self-appointed rulers, for living things, have no reverence.
And so I will name The Greatest Crime of All: INDIFFERENCE!
The Greatest Crime of All
To Washington DC in 1971—a half-century ago!--
went the good Captain Jacques-Yves Cousteau.
The United States Congress he did address
and spoke eloquently of Earth’s mounting distress.
His Mediterranean Sea research had shown there
were already areas almost too warm for a human to bear.
The phrase “global warming” was scarcely in use
then, but keen minds understood that glaciers and
the polar ice caps would vanish with Earth’s further abuse.
Short-term profits are always the driving force,
so polluting corporations refused to change course.
And now our dear planet is gasping, dying. Exaggerations?
O Humankind, conveniently blind, I pity your future generations!
Our self-appointed rulers, for living things, have no reverence.
And so I will name The Greatest Crime of All: INDIFFERENCE!
March 15, 2022
Beware the Ides of March!
Does every month have an “Ides”?
Is the word plural or singular?
Does it have anything to do with Earth’s tides?
Is it an affair somehow crepuscular? *
Enough of this dithering!
My poetic punch is withering!
* inspired by the Thelonious Monk composition, “Crepuscule avec Nellie,” or “Twilight with Nellie”
Beware the Ides of March!
Does every month have an “Ides”?
Is the word plural or singular?
Does it have anything to do with Earth’s tides?
Is it an affair somehow crepuscular? *
Enough of this dithering!
My poetic punch is withering!
* inspired by the Thelonious Monk composition, “Crepuscule avec Nellie,” or “Twilight with Nellie”
March 14, 2022
I like pie, but “Pi Day” leaves me cold
Okay, it’s true. I may only be bitter
because that digital coupon
that was supposed to get me
a $6.99 apple pie for $3.14 (get it?)
failed to download properly.
Occasionally I’ve done a rough calculation
using a streamlined “3.14,” so damnation!
What the hell do I need the additional
.15926535897932384
etc., etc., etc., etc. for?!
Okay, it’s true. I may only be bitter
because that digital coupon
that was supposed to get me
a $6.99 apple pie for $3.14 (get it?)
failed to download properly.
Occasionally I’ve done a rough calculation
using a streamlined “3.14,” so damnation!
What the hell do I need the additional
.15926535897932384
etc., etc., etc., etc. for?!
March 13, 2022
[Colossal Aggravations Department]
Daylight Saving Time (makes me see red!)
”Spring ahead, fall back.” Bollocks, I say!
What exactly is being saved, anyway??
Certainly not my own sanity (he raved)!
Whoever conceived this idea was bloody well depraved!
Business as usual
“Jack rabbit starts,” throttles full-bore,
gasoline creeping up on five bucks a gallon,
but everyone around me’s still driving like before.
Perhaps because it’s Sunday, and for
co-pilots they have their personal gods?
[I’m in some kind of British mood, it seems]--
The stupid, bloody idiotic sods!!
[Colossal Aggravations Department]
Daylight Saving Time (makes me see red!)
”Spring ahead, fall back.” Bollocks, I say!
What exactly is being saved, anyway??
Certainly not my own sanity (he raved)!
Whoever conceived this idea was bloody well depraved!
Business as usual
“Jack rabbit starts,” throttles full-bore,
gasoline creeping up on five bucks a gallon,
but everyone around me’s still driving like before.
Perhaps because it’s Sunday, and for
co-pilots they have their personal gods?
[I’m in some kind of British mood, it seems]--
The stupid, bloody idiotic sods!!
March 12, 2022
Today’s Mail
So, I’m going through the mail, and what in tarnation?!
An invitation to donate to the Barack Obama Foundation!
There’s a photo of the former First Couple gazing across
Lake Michigan at the Chicago skyline. I went into a trance,
started crafting “dialogue bubbles,” now let ’em dance.
Michelle: “There it is, dearest, the city of our foundation’s residency.
It gave you your start, put you on the road to the presidency.
With a few years for reflection, do you have any regrets?”
Barack: “Yes, my darling, but only this: [sigh] so few years
in office, so many tempting drone assassination targets!”
Today’s Mail
So, I’m going through the mail, and what in tarnation?!
An invitation to donate to the Barack Obama Foundation!
There’s a photo of the former First Couple gazing across
Lake Michigan at the Chicago skyline. I went into a trance,
started crafting “dialogue bubbles,” now let ’em dance.
Michelle: “There it is, dearest, the city of our foundation’s residency.
It gave you your start, put you on the road to the presidency.
With a few years for reflection, do you have any regrets?”
Barack: “Yes, my darling, but only this: [sigh] so few years
in office, so many tempting drone assassination targets!”
March 11, 2022
[Current Events]
[Current Events]
HYPOCRISY
Those astute media folks who did sweat and strain
to help pave the way for the war in Ukraine
(William Randolph Hearst would be green with envy),
now assure us that the Evil Russians
are ready to employ chemical weapons—imminently?
“Bring Putin to trial for his war crimes!”
voices are screaming. Ah, we live in strange times.
I’m still waiting for the US of A to be tried for using,
in alphabetical order, the following chemical weapons
against the people of Vietnam, who’d never done
Americans the least little harm:
‘Agent Orange,’ napalm, tear gas and similar noxious
products, and white phosphorus, the latter of extra charm.
Has there ever been an entity, in this or any century,
that can match the US in sheerest, grossest hypocrisy??
Those astute media folks who did sweat and strain
to help pave the way for the war in Ukraine
(William Randolph Hearst would be green with envy),
now assure us that the Evil Russians
are ready to employ chemical weapons—imminently?
“Bring Putin to trial for his war crimes!”
voices are screaming. Ah, we live in strange times.
I’m still waiting for the US of A to be tried for using,
in alphabetical order, the following chemical weapons
against the people of Vietnam, who’d never done
Americans the least little harm:
‘Agent Orange,’ napalm, tear gas and similar noxious
products, and white phosphorus, the latter of extra charm.
Has there ever been an entity, in this or any century,
that can match the US in sheerest, grossest hypocrisy??
March 10, 2022
[Frontiers of Science and Media Sensationalism Departments]
Arachnophobia, anyone?
For some time now I’ve been planning
to wax rhapsodic about spiders
and the marvel of their skills and abilities.
But now come media stories of an invasive species
spreading from the southeastern part of the country.
Spiders as big as the palm of one’s hand!
Did you catch that, do you understand?
As big as a person’s hand!! Is it just media hype?
Congregating and grooving together on trees, that type?
Much as I admire these overwhelmingly beneficial critters,
I admit encountering such a scene could give me the jitters!
[Frontiers of Science and Media Sensationalism Departments]
Arachnophobia, anyone?
For some time now I’ve been planning
to wax rhapsodic about spiders
and the marvel of their skills and abilities.
But now come media stories of an invasive species
spreading from the southeastern part of the country.
Spiders as big as the palm of one’s hand!
Did you catch that, do you understand?
As big as a person’s hand!! Is it just media hype?
Congregating and grooving together on trees, that type?
Much as I admire these overwhelmingly beneficial critters,
I admit encountering such a scene could give me the jitters!
March 9, 2022
Thomas Chapin
(1957-1998)
A Jazz improviser of great talent, Mr. TC.
Thomas Chapin was born 65 years ago today.
I had the pleasure and the honor
to get to know him personally
before he was taken by leukemia, a tragedy.
I’ve never known anyone in whom
the Life Force glowed stronger.
In our memories, he will linger longer . . .
linger longer . . . linger longer.
March 8, 2022
[Frontiers of Science Department]
Syllipsimopodi bideni
A very rare find: a well-preserved fossil
of an ancestor of the octopus and “vampire
squid” from 300-plus million years ago!
Now, scientists try to avoid getting into the mire
of politics, but what do you know?
This new species * has been named in honor
of a certain ancient politician from Delaware named Joe!
The creature once swam in warm waters in Montana,
then an inland sea, rather far from Joe’s home state.
No matter, years ago some species were named for Obama!
The propriety of such scientific shenanigans could lead to debate.
The firm of Goldman-Sachs has also been called “vampire squid”;
are they now jealous? Is someone stepping on someone else’s Id??
* Some experts in the field are disputing whether this is actually a new, separate species. Let the gunfight among scientists at high noon commence!
[Frontiers of Science Department]
Syllipsimopodi bideni
A very rare find: a well-preserved fossil
of an ancestor of the octopus and “vampire
squid” from 300-plus million years ago!
Now, scientists try to avoid getting into the mire
of politics, but what do you know?
This new species * has been named in honor
of a certain ancient politician from Delaware named Joe!
The creature once swam in warm waters in Montana,
then an inland sea, rather far from Joe’s home state.
No matter, years ago some species were named for Obama!
The propriety of such scientific shenanigans could lead to debate.
The firm of Goldman-Sachs has also been called “vampire squid”;
are they now jealous? Is someone stepping on someone else’s Id??
* Some experts in the field are disputing whether this is actually a new, separate species. Let the gunfight among scientists at high noon commence!
March 7, 2022
MAURICE RAVEL
[born 147 years ago today]
Eccentric little fellow, born near the Basque country.
A devout perfectionist, total works published fairly few;
contemporary of the likes of Debussy and Satie.
Brilliant “miniature” works for piano solo, like “Gaspard de la nuit”;
two concerti for orchestra and piano—one for left hand only.
“Bolero”—what a reputation! Did he write it as a joke? No one knew!
French chauvinists were offended by his song that advised
"native" peoples to "not believe the whites" (i.e. European colonizers).
Two light-hearted “operettas”: “L’enfant et les sortileges”
and “L’heure espagnol,” one with talking animals,
the other a grandfather clock and pieces of furniture finding voice.
Famed orchestration of “Pictures at an Exhibition,” by Mussorgsky.
Brilliant mastery of orchestral colors, harmony and melody.
But above all, for this music lover, it’s the ballet “Daphnis et Chloe.”
A “Symphonie choreographique” by the composer’s own description,
with Diaghilev and the Ballets Russe a collaboration.
Rarely danced since Nijinksy’s time, difficulty so notorious,
but the orchestral voicings, the melodies so glorious!
Multiple harps, seven percussionists to do it justice!
And I haven’t even mentioned the “eoliphone,” or “wind machine.”
I have a dozen or more different recordings of this score
in my treasured personal music collection.
Very likely some day I’ll buy still more.
[born 147 years ago today]
Eccentric little fellow, born near the Basque country.
A devout perfectionist, total works published fairly few;
contemporary of the likes of Debussy and Satie.
Brilliant “miniature” works for piano solo, like “Gaspard de la nuit”;
two concerti for orchestra and piano—one for left hand only.
“Bolero”—what a reputation! Did he write it as a joke? No one knew!
French chauvinists were offended by his song that advised
"native" peoples to "not believe the whites" (i.e. European colonizers).
Two light-hearted “operettas”: “L’enfant et les sortileges”
and “L’heure espagnol,” one with talking animals,
the other a grandfather clock and pieces of furniture finding voice.
Famed orchestration of “Pictures at an Exhibition,” by Mussorgsky.
Brilliant mastery of orchestral colors, harmony and melody.
But above all, for this music lover, it’s the ballet “Daphnis et Chloe.”
A “Symphonie choreographique” by the composer’s own description,
with Diaghilev and the Ballets Russe a collaboration.
Rarely danced since Nijinksy’s time, difficulty so notorious,
but the orchestral voicings, the melodies so glorious!
Multiple harps, seven percussionists to do it justice!
And I haven’t even mentioned the “eoliphone,” or “wind machine.”
I have a dozen or more different recordings of this score
in my treasured personal music collection.
Very likely some day I’ll buy still more.
March 6, 2022
[Related to yesterday’s entry]
Things to Come
Having just read a biography
of H.G. Wells, tonight I again
watched my valued DVD
of Things to Come, from London
Films, 1936. It was an original screenplay
by ol’ H.G., directed by brilliant designer
William Cameron Menzies. Opening montage:
Christmas time in Everytown, the year 1940.
People go about their traditions, while across
the Channel, there’s great stockpiling of munitions.
Screaming newspaper headlines on sides of
buses: THE WORLD ON THE BRINK OF WAR;
WAR STORM BREWING; EUROPE ARMING.
A naive friend of the protagonist states
“Threatened wars never occur.” This is great
prescience on Wells’s part, as Germany started
to bomb London in precisely that year. Only the
war on the movie screen drags on for three decades,
reducing humanity to virtual barbarism.
“If we don’t put an end to war, war will put an end to us”
warns the protagonist. This warning from 1936 wasn’t heeded.
A new war over Europe—just what the world needed!
[Related to yesterday’s entry]
Things to Come
Having just read a biography
of H.G. Wells, tonight I again
watched my valued DVD
of Things to Come, from London
Films, 1936. It was an original screenplay
by ol’ H.G., directed by brilliant designer
William Cameron Menzies. Opening montage:
Christmas time in Everytown, the year 1940.
People go about their traditions, while across
the Channel, there’s great stockpiling of munitions.
Screaming newspaper headlines on sides of
buses: THE WORLD ON THE BRINK OF WAR;
WAR STORM BREWING; EUROPE ARMING.
A naive friend of the protagonist states
“Threatened wars never occur.” This is great
prescience on Wells’s part, as Germany started
to bomb London in precisely that year. Only the
war on the movie screen drags on for three decades,
reducing humanity to virtual barbarism.
“If we don’t put an end to war, war will put an end to us”
warns the protagonist. This warning from 1936 wasn’t heeded.
A new war over Europe—just what the world needed!
March 5, 2022
SOMETHING BIGGER
Watching events unfold in the Ukraine leads
me to ponder anew some recent history.
The anti-Russia propaganda campaign is
nothing new; what has changed is its intensity.
I think the American public is being prepared
for a shooting war against Russia, presented
now as our number one, fiendish enemy.
“Oh, but that’s unthinkable!” you may believe,
as did people leading up to the first two World Wars.
I’m sorry to have to opine—but I feel duty-bound--
that you’re being rather dangerously naive!
SOMETHING BIGGER
Watching events unfold in the Ukraine leads
me to ponder anew some recent history.
The anti-Russia propaganda campaign is
nothing new; what has changed is its intensity.
I think the American public is being prepared
for a shooting war against Russia, presented
now as our number one, fiendish enemy.
“Oh, but that’s unthinkable!” you may believe,
as did people leading up to the first two World Wars.
I’m sorry to have to opine—but I feel duty-bound--
that you’re being rather dangerously naive!
March 4, 2022
A long epitaph for a short-lived species
It came,
it saw,
it thought it could conquer.
It declared itself the subject of Special Creation,
and to other species brought decimation.
A few acquired some wisdom, but were shunted aside,
profitability the obsession, other concerns it would override.
The Greater Universe chuckled, then just shrugged
as this species vanished leaving nary a trace.
The name of this species? It called itself the Human Race.
It came,
it saw,
it thought it could conquer.
It declared itself the subject of Special Creation,
and to other species brought decimation.
A few acquired some wisdom, but were shunted aside,
profitability the obsession, other concerns it would override.
The Greater Universe chuckled, then just shrugged
as this species vanished leaving nary a trace.
The name of this species? It called itself the Human Race.
March 3, 2022
[The Ukraine Situation]
Of this much I am certain
There are no angels in this conflict, but there are pawns--
the innocent civilians caught in the crossfire.
If the weapons were wielded directly by Americans,
the victims would be written off as “collateral damage.”
The cynical “fog of war” has settled over the whole region,
the immensity of the anti-Russian propaganda indecent.
Of this much I am certain: of the various parties,
my own country is anything but innocent.
I’ll say it again: anything but innocent.
[The Ukraine Situation]
Of this much I am certain
There are no angels in this conflict, but there are pawns--
the innocent civilians caught in the crossfire.
If the weapons were wielded directly by Americans,
the victims would be written off as “collateral damage.”
The cynical “fog of war” has settled over the whole region,
the immensity of the anti-Russian propaganda indecent.
Of this much I am certain: of the various parties,
my own country is anything but innocent.
I’ll say it again: anything but innocent.
March 2, 2022
Who put the “frass” in “sassafras”?
Though I’ve long been a student of Natural History,
and especially fascinated by Entomology,
today I came close to falling on my ass
when I learned that insect excrement is called frass!
A NY Times article revealed this, seeking to extoll
the fertilizer value of this substance and the role
it could play in agriculture if industriously collected.
Not long ago, copious amounts could have been harvested,
but now insect populations are crashing,
human ecological impact the Web of Life trashing.
When next an insect you see, don’t squash it! Revise your attitude!
Bow to it humbly, respectfully, express some gratitude.
You’ve designated as enemies they who could’ve been allies.
As a species, we ourselves are not long for this world, don’t you realize?!
Who put the “frass” in “sassafras”?
Though I’ve long been a student of Natural History,
and especially fascinated by Entomology,
today I came close to falling on my ass
when I learned that insect excrement is called frass!
A NY Times article revealed this, seeking to extoll
the fertilizer value of this substance and the role
it could play in agriculture if industriously collected.
Not long ago, copious amounts could have been harvested,
but now insect populations are crashing,
human ecological impact the Web of Life trashing.
When next an insect you see, don’t squash it! Revise your attitude!
Bow to it humbly, respectfully, express some gratitude.
You’ve designated as enemies they who could’ve been allies.
As a species, we ourselves are not long for this world, don’t you realize?!
March 1, 2022
To Davy Jones’s Locker!
I am crushed, I am inconsolably despondent!
Nothing will alleviate this feeling preponderant.
I’d been waiting months for my new Lamborghini,
and now it has sunk to the bottom of the sea.
O cruel, cruel Fate, why little old me?
Have I done something to offend thee?
Dear reader, something here is indeed true:
the ship did go down, taking thousands of
luxury vehicles to watery grave.
But if you think Your Humble Poet could ever afford that car,
or wish to display such consumption conspicuous,
then you must be a first-class knave!
The very notion is indescribably ridiculous.
To Davy Jones’s Locker!
I am crushed, I am inconsolably despondent!
Nothing will alleviate this feeling preponderant.
I’d been waiting months for my new Lamborghini,
and now it has sunk to the bottom of the sea.
O cruel, cruel Fate, why little old me?
Have I done something to offend thee?
Dear reader, something here is indeed true:
the ship did go down, taking thousands of
luxury vehicles to watery grave.
But if you think Your Humble Poet could ever afford that car,
or wish to display such consumption conspicuous,
then you must be a first-class knave!
The very notion is indescribably ridiculous.
February 28, 2022
“Lost in Space”?
I never watched the 1960s TV show
with a vaguely ‘Robby’-like robot
spouting “Danger, Will Robinson!”
I would’ve been watching “Star Trek,” though,
but thanks to Uncle Sam, that was a no-go.
Why do I bring this up now? you want to know.
I’m wondering if the geniuses in our government
who decided to goad Russia into armed conflict,
remembered that, our own Space Program being derelict,
the US has become very largely dependent
on Russian space vehicles, Russian rocket launches,
to transport people and supplies to the ISS?
Will the crew now on board that shared station
end up lost in space for want of cooperation
down here below? Can Bezos or Musk fly to the rescue
with their private spacecraft to save the day?
It could be a genuinely exciting reality show, keep your TVs on!
Sponsored, without a doubt, by Tesla or Amazon!
“Lost in Space”?
I never watched the 1960s TV show
with a vaguely ‘Robby’-like robot
spouting “Danger, Will Robinson!”
I would’ve been watching “Star Trek,” though,
but thanks to Uncle Sam, that was a no-go.
Why do I bring this up now? you want to know.
I’m wondering if the geniuses in our government
who decided to goad Russia into armed conflict,
remembered that, our own Space Program being derelict,
the US has become very largely dependent
on Russian space vehicles, Russian rocket launches,
to transport people and supplies to the ISS?
Will the crew now on board that shared station
end up lost in space for want of cooperation
down here below? Can Bezos or Musk fly to the rescue
with their private spacecraft to save the day?
It could be a genuinely exciting reality show, keep your TVs on!
Sponsored, without a doubt, by Tesla or Amazon!
February 27, 2022
Vladimir Putin: the Devil incarnate?
The volume of the US propaganda machine has been “set to eleven”--
relentlessly screaming “Hate Putin! Hate Russia!” 24/7.
The major problem for me is the profound depth of the hypocrisy.
“America opposes bullies” bravely proclaimed
Mr. Biden. Truth once again mangled, maimed.
Shall we compile a list of the murderous dictators
installed and supported by our American tax dollars
just since, say, 1950? Friend, it would be long as your leg is!
From Guatemala to Iran to Chile to Indonesia, barely scratching the surface.
Or we could try totaling up the number of civilians
killed on foreign soil since start of World War II by Russia
compared to the number of corpses produced by USA.
But you see, such talk in our country is simply verboten.
USA always wears the white hat as, guns a-totin’,
it invades nation after nation after nation,
bent on total world economic domination.
So, I am saddened to see the violence in Ukraine,
but I can’t possibly support the US-backed side.
You want to raise the unpleasant topic of genocide?
How about the supremely unpleasant Vietnam War?
Peace’s arch-enemy dwells right here, the War Beast’s whore.
The volume of the US propaganda machine has been “set to eleven”--
relentlessly screaming “Hate Putin! Hate Russia!” 24/7.
The major problem for me is the profound depth of the hypocrisy.
“America opposes bullies” bravely proclaimed
Mr. Biden. Truth once again mangled, maimed.
Shall we compile a list of the murderous dictators
installed and supported by our American tax dollars
just since, say, 1950? Friend, it would be long as your leg is!
From Guatemala to Iran to Chile to Indonesia, barely scratching the surface.
Or we could try totaling up the number of civilians
killed on foreign soil since start of World War II by Russia
compared to the number of corpses produced by USA.
But you see, such talk in our country is simply verboten.
USA always wears the white hat as, guns a-totin’,
it invades nation after nation after nation,
bent on total world economic domination.
So, I am saddened to see the violence in Ukraine,
but I can’t possibly support the US-backed side.
You want to raise the unpleasant topic of genocide?
How about the supremely unpleasant Vietnam War?
Peace’s arch-enemy dwells right here, the War Beast’s whore.
February 26, 2022
[Florida in the news again!]
Yes, of course! It all makes perfect sense!
Floridians! In unison, please, honk your collective horn
if you agree that, even without butter, a box of popcorn
does constitute a potential deadly missile?!
This, apparently, was the “reasoning” inside
a Florida jury’s decision to acquit a former
SWAT Team commander of homicide
after he shot dead a fellow moviegoer
who’d menaced him with hurled popped
kernels of corn. Of course lethal force stopped
this atrocious assault employing deadly weaponry.
I imagine by now this enlightened state has a felony
made—beware evildoers!—of any such dastardly activity.
But it does make me wonder if anyone not having skin white
has ever been acquitted of “standing one’s ground” in similar plight?
[Florida in the news again!]
Yes, of course! It all makes perfect sense!
Floridians! In unison, please, honk your collective horn
if you agree that, even without butter, a box of popcorn
does constitute a potential deadly missile?!
This, apparently, was the “reasoning” inside
a Florida jury’s decision to acquit a former
SWAT Team commander of homicide
after he shot dead a fellow moviegoer
who’d menaced him with hurled popped
kernels of corn. Of course lethal force stopped
this atrocious assault employing deadly weaponry.
I imagine by now this enlightened state has a felony
made—beware evildoers!—of any such dastardly activity.
But it does make me wonder if anyone not having skin white
has ever been acquitted of “standing one’s ground” in similar plight?
February 25, 2022
[Department of Wretched Excess]
And best of all, only $4800 for a couple!
I just read an article on CNN.com--
article? It should be labeled “Advertisement”--
about the new Walt Disney World big
deal attraction, “Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser.”
Sort of a luxury hotel with “Star Wars” themes,
“fully immersive” experience! When the tech
is actually working properly (oops), that is.
And best of all—this is only casually mentioned
near the end—it’ll only cost a couple determined
to spend a romantic couple of days and nights
living out their fantasy about $4800! Gratuities not included!
Further proof, if further proof be needed, that the deluded
have way too much money to burn through.
Thanks, but no thanks, Disney Corporation, I'm not on board.
You really do want to control the entire entertainment industry, don’t you?
Talk about "the Mouse that roared"!!
February 24, 2022
[Geopolitical Gamesmanship Department]
The Chessboard
Joe Biden must be pleased as punch,
the Ukraine situation having devolved into a crunch.
Now Joe gets to strut his macho stuff--
look, this guy’s tough, tough, tough!
And if Mr. Putin runs circles around Joe, making him a chump?
It virtually guarantees the return to the presidency of Mr. Trump!
I see a parallel to our own history, when a certain Mr. Lincoln
said to the Confederacy: “No way, fellas! I’m pulling you back in.”
Old nationalistic leanings in Ukraine US policy did inflame,
but the Order of the Day in “the West” is to cry "Putin's to blame!".
[Geopolitical Gamesmanship Department]
The Chessboard
Joe Biden must be pleased as punch,
the Ukraine situation having devolved into a crunch.
Now Joe gets to strut his macho stuff--
look, this guy’s tough, tough, tough!
And if Mr. Putin runs circles around Joe, making him a chump?
It virtually guarantees the return to the presidency of Mr. Trump!
I see a parallel to our own history, when a certain Mr. Lincoln
said to the Confederacy: “No way, fellas! I’m pulling you back in.”
Old nationalistic leanings in Ukraine US policy did inflame,
but the Order of the Day in “the West” is to cry "Putin's to blame!".
February 23, 2022
Is That a Horse’s Head?
Why did two members of the prosecutorial
team looking into shenanigans financial
of Donald J. Trump’s businesses quit suddenly?
Well, would you want to wake up to find the head
of your beloved race horse, severed, with you there in bed?
Forgive this little exercise in the realm of fantasy, *
but the original The Godfather movie is approaching 50th anniversary!
* Then again, who's to say it won't ultimately prove to be true?
Is That a Horse’s Head?
Why did two members of the prosecutorial
team looking into shenanigans financial
of Donald J. Trump’s businesses quit suddenly?
Well, would you want to wake up to find the head
of your beloved race horse, severed, with you there in bed?
Forgive this little exercise in the realm of fantasy, *
but the original The Godfather movie is approaching 50th anniversary!
* Then again, who's to say it won't ultimately prove to be true?
February 22, 2022
Try this inconvenient truth on for size
Isn’t it interesting that the Ukrainian “good guys”
we’re supposed to be loudly cheering for
have in their ranks militia groups that love nothing more
than parading around, displaying their Nazi regalia?
Oh yes, it’s true, right down to flags bearing the swastika!
And those staunch US allies, Poland and Hungary?
Both ruled by very far-right politicians averse to
trivial matters like civil and human rights (don’t let on you’re gay!).
Israel is, in essence, the 51st US state, Poland #52;
why not add two more? Hungary is #53, Ukraine makes 54!
Try this inconvenient truth on for size
Isn’t it interesting that the Ukrainian “good guys”
we’re supposed to be loudly cheering for
have in their ranks militia groups that love nothing more
than parading around, displaying their Nazi regalia?
Oh yes, it’s true, right down to flags bearing the swastika!
And those staunch US allies, Poland and Hungary?
Both ruled by very far-right politicians averse to
trivial matters like civil and human rights (don’t let on you’re gay!).
Israel is, in essence, the 51st US state, Poland #52;
why not add two more? Hungary is #53, Ukraine makes 54!
February 21, 2022
A SLOW NEWS DAY
“Imminent” war over Ukraine or no,
here are two headlines plucked from CNN today:
“Keke Wyatt Expecting 11th Child”;
“James Gunn Engaged to ‘Peacemaker’ Actress Jennifer Holland.”
Now, as I often react to names of “celebrities” I’ve
never heard of, two things only do I wish to know:
Who the hell are these people, and why the hell
about their activities should I give the least hoot?
Frankly, I hanker for nothing less than to give them all the boot!
A SLOW NEWS DAY
“Imminent” war over Ukraine or no,
here are two headlines plucked from CNN today:
“Keke Wyatt Expecting 11th Child”;
“James Gunn Engaged to ‘Peacemaker’ Actress Jennifer Holland.”
Now, as I often react to names of “celebrities” I’ve
never heard of, two things only do I wish to know:
Who the hell are these people, and why the hell
about their activities should I give the least hoot?
Frankly, I hanker for nothing less than to give them all the boot!
February 20, 2022
TRUMP 2024: He Kept Us Out of War
Joseph Robinette Biden came into office
with grandiose plans to heal a divided nation.
Now he’s totally focused on goading Russia into war.
His predecessor signed off on the assassination
of a high-ranking Iranian general, and naturally
on his watch the usual dirty tricks were employed
for meddling in the affairs of other folks globally.
That’s business as usual for the USA, sad to say.
But history will reflect the fact that no real conflagration
erupted under Donald, leaving aside his motivation. *
True, the Republican Party embraced sheer insanity,
its heroes Taylor-Greene, Abbott, DeSantis, Hannity.
And let’s not forget Tucker Carlson, ever more vile.
Yet it remains clear as crystal all the while
that Democrats have a firm habit of leading
us to war, where the underclass does the bleeding.
Biden and the media, imagine how crestfallen
they will be if Mr. Putin refuses to take the bait!
But for now, Russia is Public Enemy Number One,
for Americans love having someone to hate.
Something to keep the blood pumping,
something to cause manly chests to swell.
This was all explained to perfection by Mr. Orwell.
* Let us not forget proposed Trump projects for Moscow. On the other hand, has Hunter Biden not been involved in business dealings in Ukraine? The plot thickens!
TRUMP 2024: He Kept Us Out of War
Joseph Robinette Biden came into office
with grandiose plans to heal a divided nation.
Now he’s totally focused on goading Russia into war.
His predecessor signed off on the assassination
of a high-ranking Iranian general, and naturally
on his watch the usual dirty tricks were employed
for meddling in the affairs of other folks globally.
That’s business as usual for the USA, sad to say.
But history will reflect the fact that no real conflagration
erupted under Donald, leaving aside his motivation. *
True, the Republican Party embraced sheer insanity,
its heroes Taylor-Greene, Abbott, DeSantis, Hannity.
And let’s not forget Tucker Carlson, ever more vile.
Yet it remains clear as crystal all the while
that Democrats have a firm habit of leading
us to war, where the underclass does the bleeding.
Biden and the media, imagine how crestfallen
they will be if Mr. Putin refuses to take the bait!
But for now, Russia is Public Enemy Number One,
for Americans love having someone to hate.
Something to keep the blood pumping,
something to cause manly chests to swell.
This was all explained to perfection by Mr. Orwell.
* Let us not forget proposed Trump projects for Moscow. On the other hand, has Hunter Biden not been involved in business dealings in Ukraine? The plot thickens!
February 19, 2022
How long do the deceased remain “late”?
The question is not in jest; I’m at my sincerest.
It’s prompted by hearing Jazz trumpet maestro
Lee Morgan referred to as “the late” on the radio.
Mr. Morgan was shot in some kind of love triangle
tragedy, which his brilliant career did strangle.
But that was a half-century ago today! Where are
we to draw the line on this issue?
How late is “late,” mate? My question is rhetorical;
I myself can’t offer a definitive answer.
But can’t we please work to resolve this matter
and concoct guidelines respectful and rational?
How long do the deceased remain “late”?
The question is not in jest; I’m at my sincerest.
It’s prompted by hearing Jazz trumpet maestro
Lee Morgan referred to as “the late” on the radio.
Mr. Morgan was shot in some kind of love triangle
tragedy, which his brilliant career did strangle.
But that was a half-century ago today! Where are
we to draw the line on this issue?
How late is “late,” mate? My question is rhetorical;
I myself can’t offer a definitive answer.
But can’t we please work to resolve this matter
and concoct guidelines respectful and rational?
February 18, 2022
This wasn’t the plan!
In a giddy state of mind last December
I decided to post one or more new poems
daily, indefinitely into the future.
The topics on which I would write were
to span everything under the sun
and beyond, things luminous, things wondrous.
But I find myself compelled to write of the people
and things waxing daily more and more ludicrous.
Case in point, one of today’s news items:
The long anticipated social media platform Trump
plans to launch—Fox “News” not far enough
to the right to satisfy this king of fact inversion--
will apparently be called “Truth Social”!!! Talk about
an oxymoron! George Orwell himself, pondering this perversion,
would find the room spinning, or the walls closing in.
Nothing to do but reach for his bottle of Victory Gin!
This wasn’t the plan!
In a giddy state of mind last December
I decided to post one or more new poems
daily, indefinitely into the future.
The topics on which I would write were
to span everything under the sun
and beyond, things luminous, things wondrous.
But I find myself compelled to write of the people
and things waxing daily more and more ludicrous.
Case in point, one of today’s news items:
The long anticipated social media platform Trump
plans to launch—Fox “News” not far enough
to the right to satisfy this king of fact inversion--
will apparently be called “Truth Social”!!! Talk about
an oxymoron! George Orwell himself, pondering this perversion,
would find the room spinning, or the walls closing in.
Nothing to do but reach for his bottle of Victory Gin!
February 17, 2022
This Thrice-Accursed Wind
Unmistakably, one effect of climate change
where I live is that it’s windy
almost all the time. And with irritating frequency
the winds really kick up—50 m.p.h. and more,
that’s the range. All our utility lines are above ground.
“Aggressive” tree-trimming can’t guarantee we’ll stay sound.
I’ve posted new poems here daily for more than two months now,
but if I go missing for a while, blame it on the wind. And how!
This Thrice-Accursed Wind
Unmistakably, one effect of climate change
where I live is that it’s windy
almost all the time. And with irritating frequency
the winds really kick up—50 m.p.h. and more,
that’s the range. All our utility lines are above ground.
“Aggressive” tree-trimming can’t guarantee we’ll stay sound.
I’ve posted new poems here daily for more than two months now,
but if I go missing for a while, blame it on the wind. And how!
February 16, 2022
[Landmarks of Cinema Department]
Nosferatu turns 100!
Sixteenth February Nineteen-Twenty-and-Two,
F.W. Murnau unleashes on an unsuspecting world
Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror. “Nosferatu”--
“the Undead.” Though based on Bram Stoker’s
Victorian novel Dracula, the names of the characters
have been changed. But no matter,
’tis a blessing most profound to still have
very watchable prints of the film around.
Of course, a century is but a minute in the life of a vampire.
This movie, I declare, is the grandaddy of such tales;
next to it—sorry, fans of Bela—the Lugosi version pales.
“The blood is the life.” “The blood is the life.”
Shall I repeat that refrain? “The blood is the life.”
This just in!!
That “imminent” war between Russia and Ukraine?
Sorry, it still ain’t happening! This must cause great pain
for the Biden Administration and its running dogs
in the media. Tsk, tsk, pity the poor War Hogs!
[Landmarks of Cinema Department]
Nosferatu turns 100!
Sixteenth February Nineteen-Twenty-and-Two,
F.W. Murnau unleashes on an unsuspecting world
Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror. “Nosferatu”--
“the Undead.” Though based on Bram Stoker’s
Victorian novel Dracula, the names of the characters
have been changed. But no matter,
’tis a blessing most profound to still have
very watchable prints of the film around.
Of course, a century is but a minute in the life of a vampire.
This movie, I declare, is the grandaddy of such tales;
next to it—sorry, fans of Bela—the Lugosi version pales.
“The blood is the life.” “The blood is the life.”
Shall I repeat that refrain? “The blood is the life.”
This just in!!
That “imminent” war between Russia and Ukraine?
Sorry, it still ain’t happening! This must cause great pain
for the Biden Administration and its running dogs
in the media. Tsk, tsk, pity the poor War Hogs!
February 15, 2022
[Beware the Ides of February Special Edition]
“I’m terribly sorry, but you’re all going to Hell.”
A Catholic priest in Arizona has resigned,
having discovered he’d bungled baptisms for thousands.
He’d been saying “We baptize you in the name of . . . ”
instead of “I baptize you in the name of . . . ”!!
Oh, what a marvel is Christianity! Just like that, zap!
Thousands of souls condemned to Hell for all eternity! Retroactively!
“Welcome” says Satan, “and to help you get around, here’s a map.”
How will they ever recover a semblance of serenity??
Why do I sense class action lawsuits looming?
Will a secular judge find a way to counteract this mass dooming?
Awaiting further developments—“Updates at 11!”—I’m biting my nails.
Maybe these folks should embrace “The Dark Side” if all else fails!
[Beware the Ides of February Special Edition]
“I’m terribly sorry, but you’re all going to Hell.”
A Catholic priest in Arizona has resigned,
having discovered he’d bungled baptisms for thousands.
He’d been saying “We baptize you in the name of . . . ”
instead of “I baptize you in the name of . . . ”!!
Oh, what a marvel is Christianity! Just like that, zap!
Thousands of souls condemned to Hell for all eternity! Retroactively!
“Welcome” says Satan, “and to help you get around, here’s a map.”
How will they ever recover a semblance of serenity??
Why do I sense class action lawsuits looming?
Will a secular judge find a way to counteract this mass dooming?
Awaiting further developments—“Updates at 11!”—I’m biting my nails.
Maybe these folks should embrace “The Dark Side” if all else fails!
February 14, 2022
It’s National Call Out Sick With a Hangover Day!
It’s been proposed quite seriously
that post-Super Bowl Monday
be declared a national holiday.
This is because a large percentage
of the American workforce is severely
hung over from previous day’s parties.
All of which raises a question, a query:
How did the Super Bowl attain its quasi-
religious status? I’m going to be a whistleblower
right now, and you can go on and glower
at me all you want. Truth will win out.
Once upon a time, boys and girls, there
was an American Football League competing
with the NFL, but they were put to the rout.
Financially, that is. AFL had some damn good teams.
‘Broadway Joe’ Namath was a darling most fair.
But the NFL swallowed the old AFL eons ago!
The concept of “Super Bowl,” wherein would meet
the champions of each league, went out the window.
So all this absurd hype is really simply over the NFL
championship game. Does that truth knock you off your seat?
The secret is in the marketing game. You know, marketing:
The art and science of persuading you to pay more
than you should for stuff you don’t really need.
Oh, the power of marketing is something to behold for sure:
It’s even been known to persuade folks to elect a horse’s rump
like, oh, for example . . . Donald John Trump!
It’s National Call Out Sick With a Hangover Day!
It’s been proposed quite seriously
that post-Super Bowl Monday
be declared a national holiday.
This is because a large percentage
of the American workforce is severely
hung over from previous day’s parties.
All of which raises a question, a query:
How did the Super Bowl attain its quasi-
religious status? I’m going to be a whistleblower
right now, and you can go on and glower
at me all you want. Truth will win out.
Once upon a time, boys and girls, there
was an American Football League competing
with the NFL, but they were put to the rout.
Financially, that is. AFL had some damn good teams.
‘Broadway Joe’ Namath was a darling most fair.
But the NFL swallowed the old AFL eons ago!
The concept of “Super Bowl,” wherein would meet
the champions of each league, went out the window.
So all this absurd hype is really simply over the NFL
championship game. Does that truth knock you off your seat?
The secret is in the marketing game. You know, marketing:
The art and science of persuading you to pay more
than you should for stuff you don’t really need.
Oh, the power of marketing is something to behold for sure:
It’s even been known to persuade folks to elect a horse’s rump
like, oh, for example . . . Donald John Trump!
February 13, 2022
Crypto Tom
Stupor Bowl LVI!! The Big Game!
“Pass me the chips and another beer!”
Media make as much fuss over the ads
as the game itself. Well listen here!
Why not just do away with the football
and revel in non-stop marketing good cheer?
What got my attention in the days prior
to this over-hyped affair was the news
that Tom Brady would be pimping for
“crypto currencies.” But beware the Crypto Blues!
That’s what you get when you’ve paid 80 grand
for a Bitcoin, and the next day’s big event
is its decline to 40 grand—hell, that’s only down 50 percent!
Crypto currencies, a marketer’s dandy dream . . .
or is it simply the ultimate Ponzi scheme?
Have you noticed how lousy was Brady’s final season?
Perhaps instead of following celebrities’ advice, you should invest using reason.
Crypto Tom
Stupor Bowl LVI!! The Big Game!
“Pass me the chips and another beer!”
Media make as much fuss over the ads
as the game itself. Well listen here!
Why not just do away with the football
and revel in non-stop marketing good cheer?
What got my attention in the days prior
to this over-hyped affair was the news
that Tom Brady would be pimping for
“crypto currencies.” But beware the Crypto Blues!
That’s what you get when you’ve paid 80 grand
for a Bitcoin, and the next day’s big event
is its decline to 40 grand—hell, that’s only down 50 percent!
Crypto currencies, a marketer’s dandy dream . . .
or is it simply the ultimate Ponzi scheme?
Have you noticed how lousy was Brady’s final season?
Perhaps instead of following celebrities’ advice, you should invest using reason.
February 12, 2022
[Inescapable Current Events Department]
Trump’s Toilet
Toilets. A topic not spoken of in polite society.
Nixon had his squad of “plumbers” looking for leaks
from White House insiders about his impropriety.
But now it looks like real plumbers will be doing tweaks
to White House infrastructure, since in addition to excrement--
and God knows he must have produced it abundantly!--
it seems Trump was fond of flushing the occasional document.
He tried to flush the whole nation, but failed to emerge triumphantly!
A brief inquiry
How long can a war remain “imminent” without actually happening?
[Inescapable Current Events Department]
Trump’s Toilet
Toilets. A topic not spoken of in polite society.
Nixon had his squad of “plumbers” looking for leaks
from White House insiders about his impropriety.
But now it looks like real plumbers will be doing tweaks
to White House infrastructure, since in addition to excrement--
and God knows he must have produced it abundantly!--
it seems Trump was fond of flushing the occasional document.
He tried to flush the whole nation, but failed to emerge triumphantly!
A brief inquiry
How long can a war remain “imminent” without actually happening?
February 11, 2022
“This is Jeff Bezos, signing off from the surface of Mars.”
“The Richest Man on Earth” (subject to change
with the vicissitudes of the stockmarket)
says he’ll update us on status of his rocket
project in a couple years’ time or thereabouts.
I’m picturing a press conference broadcast live from Mars
as Mr. Bezos does a victory dance on the red soil and shouts
“Take that, doubters and naysayers! I told you I was
serious about this stuff!” The official US Space Program
won’t even have us back on the moon by then, women or men.
I want to see “Man on Mars” (no sexism intended) before
I myself die, and if private funding has to be at the core,
so be it. But please, Jeff, don’t hoist a No Trespassing sign!
“This is Jeff Bezos, signing off from the surface of Mars.”
“The Richest Man on Earth” (subject to change
with the vicissitudes of the stockmarket)
says he’ll update us on status of his rocket
project in a couple years’ time or thereabouts.
I’m picturing a press conference broadcast live from Mars
as Mr. Bezos does a victory dance on the red soil and shouts
“Take that, doubters and naysayers! I told you I was
serious about this stuff!” The official US Space Program
won’t even have us back on the moon by then, women or men.
I want to see “Man on Mars” (no sexism intended) before
I myself die, and if private funding has to be at the core,
so be it. But please, Jeff, don’t hoist a No Trespassing sign!
February 10, 2022
Liz Cheney, All-American Exile
Representative Liz Cheney is in exile
from the state that elected her, Wyoming.
She’s been branded as that creature most vile:
former loyal member of GOP who came to an understanding
that an armed siege of the Capitol is not “political discourse.”
And now it seems she dare not go home to her home state,
for so many folks there are the north end of a southbound horse.
Her life would literally be in danger, they’re so brimming with hate.
You know they hold the Second Amendment sacred out there
in the wilds; they worship Remingtons and Colts.
Is it something in the water, or perhaps toxic air?
If you value your life, don’t tell them to their faces they’re dolts!
Oh Daddy Dick, won’t you help your fair daughter?
Isn’t it said that “blood’s thicker than water”?
You should send an armed detachment to protect her!
No charge for this advice, but . . . you really oughter!
Liz Cheney, All-American Exile
Representative Liz Cheney is in exile
from the state that elected her, Wyoming.
She’s been branded as that creature most vile:
former loyal member of GOP who came to an understanding
that an armed siege of the Capitol is not “political discourse.”
And now it seems she dare not go home to her home state,
for so many folks there are the north end of a southbound horse.
Her life would literally be in danger, they’re so brimming with hate.
You know they hold the Second Amendment sacred out there
in the wilds; they worship Remingtons and Colts.
Is it something in the water, or perhaps toxic air?
If you value your life, don’t tell them to their faces they’re dolts!
Oh Daddy Dick, won’t you help your fair daughter?
Isn’t it said that “blood’s thicker than water”?
You should send an armed detachment to protect her!
No charge for this advice, but . . . you really oughter!
February 9, 2022
JWST
JWST, the James Webb Space Telescope
is a wonder of engineering, a true marvel.
Scientists are holding their breaths with hope
as the device prepares its deep space story to tell.
It propelled itself flawlessly to LaGrange Point 2,
a million miles from our benign sun,
where gravitational balance will hold it true.
But the fine-tuning of its instruments has only begun.
We must wait several more months to get the first view
farther back in time, because deeper into space,
than humans have ever had capability to do.
Yes, it launched behind schedule, losing the race
against the calendar, rankling Members of Congress.
But friends of Science are few and far between
in those chambers where fundraising is the measure of success.
Fundraising for their re-election, keeping the corporate green
flowing to their coffers. How many lobbyists has Astronomy?
Compared to the Military Beast, the count is anemic.
And that really is a succinct statement about our society:
There’s no risk the flow of funds for war will become ischemic. *
* [Yes, sometimes a poet gets a little desperate for a rhyme!]
February 8, 2022
Legend of the Fearsome Snow Beast
Now gather ’round, little ones
while your Great Grandpa tells
the story of the night he encountered
the legendary Fearsome Snow Beast.
(Yes, Tommy, I know you’re 17,
but to someone my age, you’re still little.)
Everybody unplug your communication
brain implants so you can pay attention.
I’m waiting . . . Very good.
(What’s that, Jennifer? . . . Oh, that
can’t be right. I’m sure I’ve only told
this story a few dozen times, not hundreds!)
Anyhow, we were in the grip of a wicked blizzard.
A possibly historic blizzard, The Weather Channel said.
The snow was blowing . . . You remember what
you learned about the weather in those times, yes?
You’ve seen the photographs and the moving
pictures of what snow was, yes? . . . Where was I?
Oh yes, the snow was blowing so furiously
a body could scarcely see six feet in any direction.
And oddly enough, there was occasional thunder, too.
I was looking out the big picture window
in the dining room, beholding the wonder,
the fury of Mother Nature. . . . They’ve taught
you at school about this thing we used to call Nature?
Suddenly I was able to make out the outline of a huge
creature, just the outline you understand, in
the light from the neighbor’s security lamp.
It stood upright like a man, with arms and legs
just like a man. But every time the thunder pealed,
the strange creature raised what looked like a fist
and leaped high into the air, letting out an eerie cry!
Thinking it was some pathetic creature that
had been gravely wounded somehow
and was in agonizing pain, I reached
for my hunting rifle and stepped out into the yard.
Drawing a good bead, I aimed to alleviate its suffering.
“Don’t shoot, for God’s sake!” a voice boomed from
my left. It came from a man holding a video camera.
I lowered my rifle immediately. The strange creature
then approached me. It took off a glove and thrust
a hand forward, saying “Hi, I’m Jim Cantore of
The Weather Channel. I apologize if my crew and I
are trespassing on your property, but man,
do I love thunder-snow! I mean, I go just a little crazy, you know?”
And that, dear ones, is the story of how your
Great Grandpa almost became famous for a really bad reason.
Makes me kind of long for that time, so long ago,
when there was more in the year than just one season.
Legend of the Fearsome Snow Beast
Now gather ’round, little ones
while your Great Grandpa tells
the story of the night he encountered
the legendary Fearsome Snow Beast.
(Yes, Tommy, I know you’re 17,
but to someone my age, you’re still little.)
Everybody unplug your communication
brain implants so you can pay attention.
I’m waiting . . . Very good.
(What’s that, Jennifer? . . . Oh, that
can’t be right. I’m sure I’ve only told
this story a few dozen times, not hundreds!)
Anyhow, we were in the grip of a wicked blizzard.
A possibly historic blizzard, The Weather Channel said.
The snow was blowing . . . You remember what
you learned about the weather in those times, yes?
You’ve seen the photographs and the moving
pictures of what snow was, yes? . . . Where was I?
Oh yes, the snow was blowing so furiously
a body could scarcely see six feet in any direction.
And oddly enough, there was occasional thunder, too.
I was looking out the big picture window
in the dining room, beholding the wonder,
the fury of Mother Nature. . . . They’ve taught
you at school about this thing we used to call Nature?
Suddenly I was able to make out the outline of a huge
creature, just the outline you understand, in
the light from the neighbor’s security lamp.
It stood upright like a man, with arms and legs
just like a man. But every time the thunder pealed,
the strange creature raised what looked like a fist
and leaped high into the air, letting out an eerie cry!
Thinking it was some pathetic creature that
had been gravely wounded somehow
and was in agonizing pain, I reached
for my hunting rifle and stepped out into the yard.
Drawing a good bead, I aimed to alleviate its suffering.
“Don’t shoot, for God’s sake!” a voice boomed from
my left. It came from a man holding a video camera.
I lowered my rifle immediately. The strange creature
then approached me. It took off a glove and thrust
a hand forward, saying “Hi, I’m Jim Cantore of
The Weather Channel. I apologize if my crew and I
are trespassing on your property, but man,
do I love thunder-snow! I mean, I go just a little crazy, you know?”
And that, dear ones, is the story of how your
Great Grandpa almost became famous for a really bad reason.
Makes me kind of long for that time, so long ago,
when there was more in the year than just one season.
February 7, 2022
Thank goodness for the Evil Russkies!
When I was little, my classmates and I ducked and covered
under our desks on our knees. The threat of raining A-bombs (we were told) constantly hovered.
The Evil Russkies could attack at any time! Civil Defense, no time to lose!
No matter that we’d still be vaporized, possibly excepting soles of our shoes.
Now we’re all much older, those of my booming generation.
The military is obscenely expensive, demands unquestioned veneration.
To question its worth will earn you the label “unpatriotic.”
Cut the budget, downsize its forces? Don’t be idiotic!
Communism? No, “liberals” are now the enemy—let’s give ’em a thumping!
But thank goodness we still have the Evil Russkies to keep us on edge, keep the ol’ blood a-pumping!
Did you miss the memo? Ukraine is now an American state!
So send troops to defend her, and don’t miss tonight’s anti-Putin 3-Minute Hate!*
* a reference, of course, to George Orwell’s 1984
February 6, 2022
Climate Change Enters the Therapy Room
This poem, if a poem it can manage to be,
bears the title of a NY Times article, 6th of February.
People from all walks of life, said article vouches,
are heading for their friendly head shrinkers’ couches.
Over them all relentlessly washes a rising tide of anxiety,
just as continuously rises the level of the sea.
Alas, folks, you won’t find a cure in that prescription.
Greed led to convenient blindness to Nature’s condition.
That the polar ice would melt was known a half-century ago;
“Oh, those scientists are just hysterical alarmists, you know!”
That’s the Big Lie the Establishment laid on thick, then thicker,
while Planet Earth just got progressively sicker.
“Taking action, see, would cost you your jobs!”
these hypocrites cried, between crocodile sobs.
Corporate lobbyists over Capitol Hill still swarm,
to ensure their clients can continue to do harm.
We need to give all our “leaders” a hearty bum’s rush,
take this whole accursed System, give it a good flush!
Call it a Green New Deal or whatever you will,
we’ve got to escape this toxic corporate swill!
Climate Change Enters the Therapy Room
This poem, if a poem it can manage to be,
bears the title of a NY Times article, 6th of February.
People from all walks of life, said article vouches,
are heading for their friendly head shrinkers’ couches.
Over them all relentlessly washes a rising tide of anxiety,
just as continuously rises the level of the sea.
Alas, folks, you won’t find a cure in that prescription.
Greed led to convenient blindness to Nature’s condition.
That the polar ice would melt was known a half-century ago;
“Oh, those scientists are just hysterical alarmists, you know!”
That’s the Big Lie the Establishment laid on thick, then thicker,
while Planet Earth just got progressively sicker.
“Taking action, see, would cost you your jobs!”
these hypocrites cried, between crocodile sobs.
Corporate lobbyists over Capitol Hill still swarm,
to ensure their clients can continue to do harm.
We need to give all our “leaders” a hearty bum’s rush,
take this whole accursed System, give it a good flush!
Call it a Green New Deal or whatever you will,
we’ve got to escape this toxic corporate swill!
February 5, 2022
OPIOID NATION
O say can you see by the dawn’s early blight
a desire to still be alive when comes the night?
They say this is the greatest nation could ever be.
Why then are so many itching to fatally OD?
A hundred thousand dead in a year. Will you follow?
You’ve seen through the lies, seen that all is hollow.
Empty phrases about opportunity and glory.
Money’s all that matters, it’s the same tired story.
Those who have it strut about, spending conspicuously.
They lecture the downtrodden with profoundest hypocrisy.
“Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!” they kindly suggest.
Try making real change and you’re quickly repressed.
A gigantic house of cards on a foundation of sand.
When it all comes tumbling down, where will we stand?
Will there be sustenance enough for those still sane
to start over and build a society equitable and humane?
I’m just a humble poet and these questions are immense.
But I know useful answers won’t come if you dull every sense.
So ditch the Fentanyl and all the other kinds of dope
and start thinking clearly. There may yet be hope!
OPIOID NATION
O say can you see by the dawn’s early blight
a desire to still be alive when comes the night?
They say this is the greatest nation could ever be.
Why then are so many itching to fatally OD?
A hundred thousand dead in a year. Will you follow?
You’ve seen through the lies, seen that all is hollow.
Empty phrases about opportunity and glory.
Money’s all that matters, it’s the same tired story.
Those who have it strut about, spending conspicuously.
They lecture the downtrodden with profoundest hypocrisy.
“Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!” they kindly suggest.
Try making real change and you’re quickly repressed.
A gigantic house of cards on a foundation of sand.
When it all comes tumbling down, where will we stand?
Will there be sustenance enough for those still sane
to start over and build a society equitable and humane?
I’m just a humble poet and these questions are immense.
But I know useful answers won’t come if you dull every sense.
So ditch the Fentanyl and all the other kinds of dope
and start thinking clearly. There may yet be hope!
February 4, 2022
More Adventures of Those Wacky Billionaires
So Mr. Bezos needs an inconvenient bridge taken down
so he can sail his SuperYacht into Rotterdam town.
And Mr. Zuckerberg’s “net worth” got clobbered t’other day,
a 25% “haircut” for Meta as in investment circles they say.
Your shenanigans are oft by us “little people” disdained,
but we still needs be grateful as you keep us entertained!
More Adventures of Those Wacky Billionaires
So Mr. Bezos needs an inconvenient bridge taken down
so he can sail his SuperYacht into Rotterdam town.
And Mr. Zuckerberg’s “net worth” got clobbered t’other day,
a 25% “haircut” for Meta as in investment circles they say.
Your shenanigans are oft by us “little people” disdained,
but we still needs be grateful as you keep us entertained!
February 3, 2022
[Sadly Very Current Events Department]
See related article in my Battleship Potemkin blog.
LET’S JUST BURN ALL THE BOOKS!
Legislation is being introduced throughout the nation
to spare our sensitive young people from the vexation
of learning the more sordid truths about our history.
We mustn’t talk about wiping out Indigenous People, or slavery.
Why not just cut to the chase, as the expression goes,
and burn all the books that might offend sensitive souls?
A society of unthinking zombies, that’s what we need.
Not all that different, actually, from what’s already been achieved.
[Sadly Very Current Events Department]
See related article in my Battleship Potemkin blog.
LET’S JUST BURN ALL THE BOOKS!
Legislation is being introduced throughout the nation
to spare our sensitive young people from the vexation
of learning the more sordid truths about our history.
We mustn’t talk about wiping out Indigenous People, or slavery.
Why not just cut to the chase, as the expression goes,
and burn all the books that might offend sensitive souls?
A society of unthinking zombies, that’s what we need.
Not all that different, actually, from what’s already been achieved.
February 2, 2022
War Hog Day
Punxsutawney Patton, emerging from his tank today,
saw his shadow, portending six more weeks of deadly play
among the boys. And the boys, they love their toys.
Congress just gave them more than they asked for,
so quick, let’s deploy them! Keep stirring up tensions
with Russia and China. Your wishes will come true for sure
one of these days, and the whole world will delight in war!
War Hog Day
Punxsutawney Patton, emerging from his tank today,
saw his shadow, portending six more weeks of deadly play
among the boys. And the boys, they love their toys.
Congress just gave them more than they asked for,
so quick, let’s deploy them! Keep stirring up tensions
with Russia and China. Your wishes will come true for sure
one of these days, and the whole world will delight in war!
February 1, 2022
Beneath the bridge
Beneath the bridge, a bridge not so far
From your cozy house and your shiny new car
Dwell the raggedy, shivering forgotten men.
They huddle around their little fire, unshaven.
They are veterans of America’s most recent wars,
Sent marching by Congressional corporate whores.
“Dolce et decorum est fro patria morir” * is easy to say
From comfort of home, thousands of miles away.
These troubled men, dressed in their pathetic rags
Were actors in terrible scenes while you waved flags.
They came back before you were trained to call them "hero."
But the logic still escapes you that if everyone's a hero, the head count of real heroes is zero.
“Desert Storm,” “Enduring Freedom,” absurdly named operations
Concocted by the Pentagon’s Department of Public Relations.
“Support Our Troops” you cheered, “USA! USA!”
But things went terribly wrong somewhere along the way.
The easy victories proved rather elusive,
The outcome of these wars marketed as necessary inconclusive.
It was you, safe and sound here, who sent them off to possibly die
Because you swallowed the most momentous lie--
That on people dying “over there” your security does rely.
So please, I implore you, next time a president tells you, unblinking,
That the troops must go to war, question that! Try a little thinking!
* “Dolce et decorum est fro patria morir” is Latin for “It is sweet and noble to die for your country." This was the title of a famous World War I poem by Wilfred Owen.
Beneath the bridge
Beneath the bridge, a bridge not so far
From your cozy house and your shiny new car
Dwell the raggedy, shivering forgotten men.
They huddle around their little fire, unshaven.
They are veterans of America’s most recent wars,
Sent marching by Congressional corporate whores.
“Dolce et decorum est fro patria morir” * is easy to say
From comfort of home, thousands of miles away.
These troubled men, dressed in their pathetic rags
Were actors in terrible scenes while you waved flags.
They came back before you were trained to call them "hero."
But the logic still escapes you that if everyone's a hero, the head count of real heroes is zero.
“Desert Storm,” “Enduring Freedom,” absurdly named operations
Concocted by the Pentagon’s Department of Public Relations.
“Support Our Troops” you cheered, “USA! USA!”
But things went terribly wrong somewhere along the way.
The easy victories proved rather elusive,
The outcome of these wars marketed as necessary inconclusive.
It was you, safe and sound here, who sent them off to possibly die
Because you swallowed the most momentous lie--
That on people dying “over there” your security does rely.
So please, I implore you, next time a president tells you, unblinking,
That the troops must go to war, question that! Try a little thinking!
* “Dolce et decorum est fro patria morir” is Latin for “It is sweet and noble to die for your country." This was the title of a famous World War I poem by Wilfred Owen.
January 31, 2022
Year of the Tiger
Happy Tet (Lunar New Year in Vietnam)!!
I will always associate this holiday
with the great uprising in 1968
against the puppet regime in Saigon.
General William Westmoreland declared
“That’s it, the enemy has shot his wad.”
Within months, ol’ Bill got kicked upstairs
to a bigger job at the Pentagon.
In essence, a demotion. Was that odd?
But Walter Cronkite, with cooler head,
saw the writing on the wall.
Perhaps the generals and the journalists
should trade places, after all!
January 30, 2022
“Honey, it’s time to shovel the car again!”
You know you’ve had a lot of snow
when you have to shovel it off your car
before the snow brush is of any use.
O winter, release me from your grip, let me go!
An old geezer like I can no longer get far
with manual shoveling. Enough of your abuse!
Among the many things I don’t own is a tractor.
Though my income is minuscule, next winter I’ll
have to break down and hire a plowing contractor.
And that’s all you’ll get from me today, I’m exhausted.
And my back is well-nigh . . . well, busted.
“Honey, it’s time to shovel the car again!”
You know you’ve had a lot of snow
when you have to shovel it off your car
before the snow brush is of any use.
O winter, release me from your grip, let me go!
An old geezer like I can no longer get far
with manual shoveling. Enough of your abuse!
Among the many things I don’t own is a tractor.
Though my income is minuscule, next winter I’ll
have to break down and hire a plowing contractor.
And that’s all you’ll get from me today, I’m exhausted.
And my back is well-nigh . . . well, busted.
January 29, 2022
[Ethno-Historical Note: The following is inspired by original reporting at WBUR, an NPR affiliate in Boston, MA]
“Disorderly People”
Like most any descendant of immigrants from Europe
arrived in this “New World,” I am something of a human mongrel.
This bothers me not in the least, in fact I’m rather proud.
“Purebreds” among us? A fantasy! Your DNA would have belied!
From the palette of ethnicities/nationalities within me blended
I choose to deem myself a Celt. Yes, I shout it out loud!
And so by this New England news story was I riveted:
A Property Record in Wilmington, Massachusetts dated 1897
contained a provision that the land was “not to be occupied
or conveyed to any negroes or Irish or any person or persons
that would be considered disorderly people”!
This just might call for a new manifesto:
“Disorderly peoples of the world unite!” Come on, let’s go!
Of course, we might need to become less disorderly
if this proposed revolution is to succeed.
But we can work all that out if my call you will heed.
[Ethno-Historical Note: The following is inspired by original reporting at WBUR, an NPR affiliate in Boston, MA]
“Disorderly People”
Like most any descendant of immigrants from Europe
arrived in this “New World,” I am something of a human mongrel.
This bothers me not in the least, in fact I’m rather proud.
“Purebreds” among us? A fantasy! Your DNA would have belied!
From the palette of ethnicities/nationalities within me blended
I choose to deem myself a Celt. Yes, I shout it out loud!
And so by this New England news story was I riveted:
A Property Record in Wilmington, Massachusetts dated 1897
contained a provision that the land was “not to be occupied
or conveyed to any negroes or Irish or any person or persons
that would be considered disorderly people”!
This just might call for a new manifesto:
“Disorderly peoples of the world unite!” Come on, let’s go!
Of course, we might need to become less disorderly
if this proposed revolution is to succeed.
But we can work all that out if my call you will heed.
January 28, 2022
ONENESS: A Poem by Thich Nhat Hanh
NOTE: I am reproducing this poem without official permission, on the day the Master Teacher’s physical remains are to be cremated in Hue, Viet Nam (it will be early morning, January 29 in local time there). This poem can be considered Public Domain, as it is posted online today by ‘Thay’s disciples in his home country. The work is excerpted from one of many Thich Nhat Hahn books, Call Me by My True Names (collected poetry). These and other works are available via Parallax Press: www.parallax.org
The moment I die,
I will try to come back to you
as quickly as possible.
I promise it will not take long.
Isn’t it true
I am already with you,
as I die each moment?
I come back to you
in every moment.
Just look,
feel my presence.
If you want to cry,
please cry.
And know
that I will cry with you.
The tears you shed
will heal us both.
Your tears are mine.
The earth I tread this morning
transcends history.
Spring and Winter are both present in the moment.
The young leaf and the dead leaf are really one.
My feet touch deathlessness,
and my feet are yours.
Walk with me now.
Let us enter the dimension of Oneness
and see the cherry tree blossom in Winter.
Why should we talk about death?
I don’t need to die
to be back with you.
ONENESS: A Poem by Thich Nhat Hanh
NOTE: I am reproducing this poem without official permission, on the day the Master Teacher’s physical remains are to be cremated in Hue, Viet Nam (it will be early morning, January 29 in local time there). This poem can be considered Public Domain, as it is posted online today by ‘Thay’s disciples in his home country. The work is excerpted from one of many Thich Nhat Hahn books, Call Me by My True Names (collected poetry). These and other works are available via Parallax Press: www.parallax.org
The moment I die,
I will try to come back to you
as quickly as possible.
I promise it will not take long.
Isn’t it true
I am already with you,
as I die each moment?
I come back to you
in every moment.
Just look,
feel my presence.
If you want to cry,
please cry.
And know
that I will cry with you.
The tears you shed
will heal us both.
Your tears are mine.
The earth I tread this morning
transcends history.
Spring and Winter are both present in the moment.
The young leaf and the dead leaf are really one.
My feet touch deathlessness,
and my feet are yours.
Walk with me now.
Let us enter the dimension of Oneness
and see the cherry tree blossom in Winter.
Why should we talk about death?
I don’t need to die
to be back with you.
January 27, 2022
[Current Events]
“Those who cannot remember the past . . .
. . . are condemned to repeat it.” So Santayana did say
many, many years ago, but it’s no less true today.
Biden and his advisers are highly delusional,
they must think it’s still business as usual.
Do they actually believe GOP will let them have their way
with a SCOTUS nomination, this or any other day?
Biden pleaded for weeks, trying Manchin to pacify,
to win support for a bill the environment would benefit by.
But King Coal still won the day, he’s weakened but not dead.
Senator Manchin knows exactly who butters his bread.
Utterly futile was the president’s long dance--
Manchin still adhered to the Republican stance.
And then there’s Sinema of Arizona, another agent of GOP,
they’re determined to make poor Biden’s reign a flop.
Biden would like to play hardball, like the other guys,
but his team contains enemy agents, traitors, spies!
Kind of reminds me of the Civil War years, though
we may think that affair ended seven-score and 17 years ago!
In the decades since Appomattox, much blood was let
trying to secure a basic democratic right to the ballot.
But now a Federal bill to protect that right can’t be passed.
In today’s political climate, that’s much too much to be asked.
Now your humble poet puts on his prophet’s cap to say:
President Biden will not get his way, this or any other day.
I have played this role before: a prophet in my own country
without honor. It brings me no joy, but I must divulge what I see.
[Current Events]
“Those who cannot remember the past . . .
. . . are condemned to repeat it.” So Santayana did say
many, many years ago, but it’s no less true today.
Biden and his advisers are highly delusional,
they must think it’s still business as usual.
Do they actually believe GOP will let them have their way
with a SCOTUS nomination, this or any other day?
Biden pleaded for weeks, trying Manchin to pacify,
to win support for a bill the environment would benefit by.
But King Coal still won the day, he’s weakened but not dead.
Senator Manchin knows exactly who butters his bread.
Utterly futile was the president’s long dance--
Manchin still adhered to the Republican stance.
And then there’s Sinema of Arizona, another agent of GOP,
they’re determined to make poor Biden’s reign a flop.
Biden would like to play hardball, like the other guys,
but his team contains enemy agents, traitors, spies!
Kind of reminds me of the Civil War years, though
we may think that affair ended seven-score and 17 years ago!
In the decades since Appomattox, much blood was let
trying to secure a basic democratic right to the ballot.
But now a Federal bill to protect that right can’t be passed.
In today’s political climate, that’s much too much to be asked.
Now your humble poet puts on his prophet’s cap to say:
President Biden will not get his way, this or any other day.
I have played this role before: a prophet in my own country
without honor. It brings me no joy, but I must divulge what I see.
January 26, 2022
[News of Earthshaking Importance Department]
Melania’s hat—5 haiku
Melania’s hat
cryptocurrency auction
How appropriate!
All is illusion:
ex-First Lady of con man
ex-president Trump.
What is the value
of virtual rendering
of this lady’s hat?
NFT, you know
is all the rage, a symbol
of our phony age.
So, Melania,
keep your damn hat in its box.
I’ll not be bidding.
[News of Earthshaking Importance Department]
Melania’s hat—5 haiku
Melania’s hat
cryptocurrency auction
How appropriate!
All is illusion:
ex-First Lady of con man
ex-president Trump.
What is the value
of virtual rendering
of this lady’s hat?
NFT, you know
is all the rage, a symbol
of our phony age.
So, Melania,
keep your damn hat in its box.
I’ll not be bidding.
January 25, 2022
1926: Annus mirabilis--Miles, ’Trane and Oscar
Nineteen-twenty-six, all born in that remarkable year
were Miles Dewey Davis III, John W. Coltrane and Oscar Brown Jr.
Miles really did bring the world “New Directions in Music” . . .
it was more than just a clever marketing slogan.
He blew our minds with Bitches Brew, with help from John McLaughlin.
Coltrane brought us “sheets of sound” raining down, thundering all around,
and moved his music toward the spiritual plane.
All three, in a way, explored the sacred and the profane,
for Oscar Brown Jr. sang of the joys and heartaches between women and men.
But more broadly still, he addressed the human condition.
Of this trio, sad to say, he is the least known, largely neglected.
Politically outspoken, by the Music Business rejected.
If we consider just three sets of his lyrics: “Afro Blue,” “Dat Dere” and “All Blues”
(music by Miles for the latter) “. . . all shades, all hues, all blues . . .”
in this writer’s opinion he belongs in a Lyricist Hall of Fame.
But commercialism tends to trump talent (you’ve noticed?), it’s a shame.
Still, we must be grateful for a year like nineteen-twenty-six
and Miles, and ’Trane and Oscar, gifts to us in that annus mirabilis.
[Extra-musical historical note: the late Buddhist teacher, Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, was born the very day after Oscar Brown, Jr. Given the time zone difference between Chicago and Vietnam, we may well say they were born on the same day.]
Visit the Oscar Brown, Jr. Legacy website HERE
1926: Annus mirabilis--Miles, ’Trane and Oscar
Nineteen-twenty-six, all born in that remarkable year
were Miles Dewey Davis III, John W. Coltrane and Oscar Brown Jr.
Miles really did bring the world “New Directions in Music” . . .
it was more than just a clever marketing slogan.
He blew our minds with Bitches Brew, with help from John McLaughlin.
Coltrane brought us “sheets of sound” raining down, thundering all around,
and moved his music toward the spiritual plane.
All three, in a way, explored the sacred and the profane,
for Oscar Brown Jr. sang of the joys and heartaches between women and men.
But more broadly still, he addressed the human condition.
Of this trio, sad to say, he is the least known, largely neglected.
Politically outspoken, by the Music Business rejected.
If we consider just three sets of his lyrics: “Afro Blue,” “Dat Dere” and “All Blues”
(music by Miles for the latter) “. . . all shades, all hues, all blues . . .”
in this writer’s opinion he belongs in a Lyricist Hall of Fame.
But commercialism tends to trump talent (you’ve noticed?), it’s a shame.
Still, we must be grateful for a year like nineteen-twenty-six
and Miles, and ’Trane and Oscar, gifts to us in that annus mirabilis.
[Extra-musical historical note: the late Buddhist teacher, Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, was born the very day after Oscar Brown, Jr. Given the time zone difference between Chicago and Vietnam, we may well say they were born on the same day.]
Visit the Oscar Brown, Jr. Legacy website HERE
January 24, 2022
See “The Royals” promenade
See the Royals promenade in splendid procession down the avenue.
Promenade, promenade, promenade.
Sporting their ceremonial finery, they condescend to acknowledge me and you.
Condescend, condescend, condescend.
Ancient Liz in the lead; how many years on the throne? Seventy!
Enough to relegate Victoria’s reign farther into the dust of history!
Relegate, relegate, relegate.
Who slinks along at the rear, stripped of his silly military attire?
’Tis poor Prince Andrew, subject of the latest scandal. ’Tis a mire!
Slink, slink, slink!
From time to time, some of the citizens do grumble.
Grumble, grumble, grumble.
“Why do we continue to maintain these parasites?” they may mumble.
Mumble, mumble, mumble.
“For their upkeep, why do we still foot the bills?”
Foot, foot, foot.
“They don’t do a bloody thing to alleviate our ills!”
Alleviate (not), alleviate (not), alleviate (not).
But that irritation soon wears off, back to sleep they drift.
Drift, drift, drift.
And so on it goes, century after century, the Royal Grift.
Grift, grift, grift.
This national ritual, this charming, colourful tradition . . .
Overthrow it?! The very thought is frightfully un-British, smacks of sedition!
Smack, smack, smack.
So to the nearest pub get thee, John and Jane Bull, and quaff your warm beers.
Quaff, quaff, quaff.
Cheers!
See “The Royals” promenade
See the Royals promenade in splendid procession down the avenue.
Promenade, promenade, promenade.
Sporting their ceremonial finery, they condescend to acknowledge me and you.
Condescend, condescend, condescend.
Ancient Liz in the lead; how many years on the throne? Seventy!
Enough to relegate Victoria’s reign farther into the dust of history!
Relegate, relegate, relegate.
Who slinks along at the rear, stripped of his silly military attire?
’Tis poor Prince Andrew, subject of the latest scandal. ’Tis a mire!
Slink, slink, slink!
From time to time, some of the citizens do grumble.
Grumble, grumble, grumble.
“Why do we continue to maintain these parasites?” they may mumble.
Mumble, mumble, mumble.
“For their upkeep, why do we still foot the bills?”
Foot, foot, foot.
“They don’t do a bloody thing to alleviate our ills!”
Alleviate (not), alleviate (not), alleviate (not).
But that irritation soon wears off, back to sleep they drift.
Drift, drift, drift.
And so on it goes, century after century, the Royal Grift.
Grift, grift, grift.
This national ritual, this charming, colourful tradition . . .
Overthrow it?! The very thought is frightfully un-British, smacks of sedition!
Smack, smack, smack.
So to the nearest pub get thee, John and Jane Bull, and quaff your warm beers.
Quaff, quaff, quaff.
Cheers!
January 23, 2022
[Recent Political Events Department]
‘BoJo’s Remedial Education Class
(excerpt from a clandestine recording made very recently in a secret chamber at 10 Downing Street, London)
[voice of female instructor] Now, Mr. Prime Minister, you’re almost there. I am placing two objects on the desk in front of me. Are you paying attention, sir?
[voice of PM Boris Johnson, Conservative Party] Yes, yes! Sorry, I was just checking the time of day.
[instructor] Jolly good, sir. Now, we have here your personal laptop computer and a bottle of Scotch. Your final question—and not to give you the jitters, Mr. Prime Minister, but you will pass or fail the entire course of instruction based on your answer to this one—the final question is: Which one of these will you bring to official government business meetings in future? You have ten seconds to reply.
[PM Johnson] Oh bollocks, this is a tough one! Ha, ha! Just kidding! Much as I am tempted to maintain my reputation as a jokester, I’m afraid I will have to answer the laptop. The dignity of the Kingdom being at stake and all.
[instructor] Well done, Mr. Prime Minister! Pip, pip! This completes your remedial education. But we won’t be issuing any kind of certificate, lest the media get hold of it. It’s been a pleasure working with you, sir. Cheerio!
[PM Johnson] Likewise, I’m sure. Cheerio! . . . Oh, uh, if you don’t mind, I’d like both the items you placed on the desk returned to me immediately.
[instructor] As you wish, sir. God save the Queen!
[PM Johnson] Yes, and all that tommyrot! . . . By the way, you’re a fetching lass, do ya know? What are you doing after work today?
[Recent Political Events Department]
‘BoJo’s Remedial Education Class
(excerpt from a clandestine recording made very recently in a secret chamber at 10 Downing Street, London)
[voice of female instructor] Now, Mr. Prime Minister, you’re almost there. I am placing two objects on the desk in front of me. Are you paying attention, sir?
[voice of PM Boris Johnson, Conservative Party] Yes, yes! Sorry, I was just checking the time of day.
[instructor] Jolly good, sir. Now, we have here your personal laptop computer and a bottle of Scotch. Your final question—and not to give you the jitters, Mr. Prime Minister, but you will pass or fail the entire course of instruction based on your answer to this one—the final question is: Which one of these will you bring to official government business meetings in future? You have ten seconds to reply.
[PM Johnson] Oh bollocks, this is a tough one! Ha, ha! Just kidding! Much as I am tempted to maintain my reputation as a jokester, I’m afraid I will have to answer the laptop. The dignity of the Kingdom being at stake and all.
[instructor] Well done, Mr. Prime Minister! Pip, pip! This completes your remedial education. But we won’t be issuing any kind of certificate, lest the media get hold of it. It’s been a pleasure working with you, sir. Cheerio!
[PM Johnson] Likewise, I’m sure. Cheerio! . . . Oh, uh, if you don’t mind, I’d like both the items you placed on the desk returned to me immediately.
[instructor] As you wish, sir. God save the Queen!
[PM Johnson] Yes, and all that tommyrot! . . . By the way, you’re a fetching lass, do ya know? What are you doing after work today?
January 22, 2022
In Memoriam: Thich Nhat Hanh (1926-2022)
Death has come for Thich Nhat Hanh, Death the Great Leveler
finally took our beloved and Venerable Buddhist Teacher.
But if anyone could have been well prepared for the departure
it was ‘Thay’ himself, for Buddhism teaches we are all impermanent:
temporary visitors to this beautiful Earth, with its skies luminescent.
We all come and go here on the sea of samsara
where suffering is part of the human condition.
The only escape is to arrive at the state of Nirvana.
But the Bodhisattva takes a vow to remain among us,
striving daily, hourly, by the minute to alleviate suffering.
And the only route to Happiness while we are here
is to be of service to others, that’s been made clear.
Defeat your own ego—a tall order for many. You are not alone!
This is the delusion modern economic competition has sown.
The concept of Interbeing declares I am in you
and you are in me. John Donne knew this centuries ago:
“No man is an island.” In one great River of Being we all flow.
‘Thay’ taught us that we must do more than meditate;
society’s ills—poverty, war, racism, all irrational hate
we should struggle to overcome with loving-kindness. Don’t hesitate!
Compassionate action in everyday life. Now your poet himself opines
that Compassion is only real when it crosses species’ lines.
No innocent creature’s blood need be shed to feed me;
Nature’s plant life allows us to be nourished adequately.
I have not the slightest doubt that we students of ‘Thay’
will carry on his work faithfully in his physical absence;
this whole world, not yet knowing it, blessed by his long presence.
And it fills me with Joy that when departed his mortal coil
Thich Nhat Hanh rested on his native Vietnamese soil.
January 21, 2022
[Drearily Ongoing Events Department]
The “Right to Lifers” are marching
The “Right to Lifers” are marching, not bothered by the cold;
their good friends on SCOTUS making them extra bold.
But the man in the White House won’t bow down,
won’t embrace them like his predecessor, the clown.
“Human life is sacred!” they scream, “Don’t you get it?!”
But deaths from proliferating firearms bother them not one bit.
And when American bombs and missiles in other lands fly,
we know they’ll wave the flag, shouting “Die, enemy, die!”
Every pregnancy must come to fruition, it’s God’s decree.
“Don’t want the kid? Put it up for adoption. On that can’t we agree?”
But oddly, if the child isn’t Caucasian, skin of a different hue,
they tend to be Missing in Action from the adoption agency queue.
Thousands of women on parade, opposing the rights of women:
a fine manifestation of their twisted, hypocritical politics American.
Self-righteous are they, unable to grasp the concept of irony.
So until Roe’s tossed, they’ll continue parading their gross hypocrisy.
[Drearily Ongoing Events Department]
The “Right to Lifers” are marching
The “Right to Lifers” are marching, not bothered by the cold;
their good friends on SCOTUS making them extra bold.
But the man in the White House won’t bow down,
won’t embrace them like his predecessor, the clown.
“Human life is sacred!” they scream, “Don’t you get it?!”
But deaths from proliferating firearms bother them not one bit.
And when American bombs and missiles in other lands fly,
we know they’ll wave the flag, shouting “Die, enemy, die!”
Every pregnancy must come to fruition, it’s God’s decree.
“Don’t want the kid? Put it up for adoption. On that can’t we agree?”
But oddly, if the child isn’t Caucasian, skin of a different hue,
they tend to be Missing in Action from the adoption agency queue.
Thousands of women on parade, opposing the rights of women:
a fine manifestation of their twisted, hypocritical politics American.
Self-righteous are they, unable to grasp the concept of irony.
So until Roe’s tossed, they’ll continue parading their gross hypocrisy.
January 20, 2022
[Current Events]
Candidate for “Well, duh!” moment of the decade?
[From CNN website, January 20, 2022:]
“States with weaker gun laws have higher rates of firearm related homicides and suicides, study finds.”
Memo to funders of this study: I could’ve told you this for half the price! Someone should paddle your behinds!
[Current Events]
Candidate for “Well, duh!” moment of the decade?
[From CNN website, January 20, 2022:]
“States with weaker gun laws have higher rates of firearm related homicides and suicides, study finds.”
Memo to funders of this study: I could’ve told you this for half the price! Someone should paddle your behinds!
January 19, 2022
[Current Events, Science Division]
“Have another psychedelic beer, kemosabe!” *
From the pages of the journal Antiquity,
a periodical considered fairly scholarly,
comes the tale of an ancient celebration . . .
though the authors admit it’s only speculation.
In the Andes region way down south of here,
it seems psychedelics were being added to beer.
What’s the idea? To influence and win new friends
among neighboring tribes were the presumed ends.
Among the people called Wari was this practice
of preferring partying to war-making malice.
It appears they ground up the seeds of vilca
and added the powder to their beer-like chicha.
Congress really ought to take note,
in light of their latest generous vote
to pay for weapons new and dandy,
how much cheaper it would be—like candy--
to invite our “adversaries,” Mr. Putin and Mr. Xie,
to a blow-out all-night psychedelic beer party!
* Or shall we make that “chemosabe”?
[Current Events, Science Division]
“Have another psychedelic beer, kemosabe!” *
From the pages of the journal Antiquity,
a periodical considered fairly scholarly,
comes the tale of an ancient celebration . . .
though the authors admit it’s only speculation.
In the Andes region way down south of here,
it seems psychedelics were being added to beer.
What’s the idea? To influence and win new friends
among neighboring tribes were the presumed ends.
Among the people called Wari was this practice
of preferring partying to war-making malice.
It appears they ground up the seeds of vilca
and added the powder to their beer-like chicha.
Congress really ought to take note,
in light of their latest generous vote
to pay for weapons new and dandy,
how much cheaper it would be—like candy--
to invite our “adversaries,” Mr. Putin and Mr. Xie,
to a blow-out all-night psychedelic beer party!
* Or shall we make that “chemosabe”?
January 18, 2022
Happy Birthday, Archie Leach!
Archibald Leach. You know him better as Cary Grant.
He and I share a secret bond I’ll take to my grave.
No, it’s not that we’re both so handsome and suave.
Debatable in my case, anyway, deny that I can’t.
Nor can I match his marriages numbering five.
The luxury homes hither, thither and yon?
Heck, such turf I never even set foot on!
Sorry, still no parallel paths by which to arrive.
Before I slip and give it away, a final nod to glory:
Essential to give due credit to Cary, Jimmy and Kate.
Love resurrected from a relationship turned to hate.
For this cinephile, nothing tops The Philadelphia Story!
Happy Birthday, Archie Leach!
Archibald Leach. You know him better as Cary Grant.
He and I share a secret bond I’ll take to my grave.
No, it’s not that we’re both so handsome and suave.
Debatable in my case, anyway, deny that I can’t.
Nor can I match his marriages numbering five.
The luxury homes hither, thither and yon?
Heck, such turf I never even set foot on!
Sorry, still no parallel paths by which to arrive.
Before I slip and give it away, a final nod to glory:
Essential to give due credit to Cary, Jimmy and Kate.
Love resurrected from a relationship turned to hate.
For this cinephile, nothing tops The Philadelphia Story!
January 17, 2022
MLK Day 2022
Dr. King believed moral force could effect a revolution, one without bloodshed;
John Edgar Hoover, pointedly observing this, said he’d detected a “Red.”
He ordered ceaseless surveillance of the good pastor—even in bed;
claimed he had evidence of hotel room orgies to bring the Good King down, but instead
this great national security threat conveniently was felled by a bullet, a certain mass of lead,
and on a balcony at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis he lay dead.
J. Edgar is roasting in Hell, while Martin on green pastures of Heaven does tread.
Dr. King believed moral force could effect a revolution, one without bloodshed;
John Edgar Hoover, pointedly observing this, said he’d detected a “Red.”
He ordered ceaseless surveillance of the good pastor—even in bed;
claimed he had evidence of hotel room orgies to bring the Good King down, but instead
this great national security threat conveniently was felled by a bullet, a certain mass of lead,
and on a balcony at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis he lay dead.
J. Edgar is roasting in Hell, while Martin on green pastures of Heaven does tread.
January 16, 2022
Mark Twain would have chuckled
Okay, so it’s weird, maybe I should be in rehab.
I’m a compulsive proofreader, you see.
Any typo in anything I read my eye does grab.
And it saddens, nay, irritates me,
that publishers don’t give a damn (sigh).
Case in point: a caption—yes, I
even proofread captions!—in today’s NY Times.
(To buy a hard copy these days, bring lots of dimes.)
The subject, you need to know,
was the ‘kunga,’ a human-created hybrid
between a Syrian wild ass and a female
donkey from some 4500 years ago.
The Times credits the source of a photo
of fossil skeletons to “John Hopkins” University.
When that esteemed institution offered
to Mark Twain an Honorary Degree,
he stated he would decline the honor until
that school learned to spell its name properly!
Mark Twain would have chuckled
Okay, so it’s weird, maybe I should be in rehab.
I’m a compulsive proofreader, you see.
Any typo in anything I read my eye does grab.
And it saddens, nay, irritates me,
that publishers don’t give a damn (sigh).
Case in point: a caption—yes, I
even proofread captions!—in today’s NY Times.
(To buy a hard copy these days, bring lots of dimes.)
The subject, you need to know,
was the ‘kunga,’ a human-created hybrid
between a Syrian wild ass and a female
donkey from some 4500 years ago.
The Times credits the source of a photo
of fossil skeletons to “John Hopkins” University.
When that esteemed institution offered
to Mark Twain an Honorary Degree,
he stated he would decline the honor until
that school learned to spell its name properly!
January 15, 2022
The $125 bucket of popcorn
Some folks in our society have way too much
money to burn, to throw away, on such
and such frivolous activity.
Additional proof arrived today, courtesy
of CBS Radio News as I drove my car.
Seems that Disney World, in Orlando down thar,
was selling a special bucket of popcorn
(in rainbow hues!) for a mere 25 bucks.
But that ain’t all to the story, aw shucks!
Here we approach the border of “money porn”:
Tired of waiting in a long, long queue,
some well-heeled folks were offering $100 bills . . .
“Here, let me in front of you!” “Sure, and thank you!”
A nicely condensed picture of this society’s ills.
The $125 bucket of popcorn
Some folks in our society have way too much
money to burn, to throw away, on such
and such frivolous activity.
Additional proof arrived today, courtesy
of CBS Radio News as I drove my car.
Seems that Disney World, in Orlando down thar,
was selling a special bucket of popcorn
(in rainbow hues!) for a mere 25 bucks.
But that ain’t all to the story, aw shucks!
Here we approach the border of “money porn”:
Tired of waiting in a long, long queue,
some well-heeled folks were offering $100 bills . . .
“Here, let me in front of you!” “Sure, and thank you!”
A nicely condensed picture of this society’s ills.
January 14, 2022
Major issue of the day
A reader asks the NY Times
“Ethicist Columnist” (yes, being
an “ethicist” is now an occupation):
“Is it okay for our daughter to bring
her married boyfriend along on our vacation?”
Oh, would not many, many of us wish
this was the biggest problem on our daily dish?
It reeketh of a purely middle-class ethical situation.
We really ARE doomed!
I just heard on radio news,
in relation to President Biden’s
nominees for Federal Reserve Board,
that “the Fed” employs 900 PhDs in Economics.
Ah, Economics, rightly called “the dismal science.”
So we’ll keep moving forward, folks . . . without any clues!
Major issue of the day
A reader asks the NY Times
“Ethicist Columnist” (yes, being
an “ethicist” is now an occupation):
“Is it okay for our daughter to bring
her married boyfriend along on our vacation?”
Oh, would not many, many of us wish
this was the biggest problem on our daily dish?
It reeketh of a purely middle-class ethical situation.
We really ARE doomed!
I just heard on radio news,
in relation to President Biden’s
nominees for Federal Reserve Board,
that “the Fed” employs 900 PhDs in Economics.
Ah, Economics, rightly called “the dismal science.”
So we’ll keep moving forward, folks . . . without any clues!
January 13, 2022
A Slow News Day
From CNN: “Dawn changes its dish soap bottle with a wacky new lid.”
This cheers me greatly, now I’ll forget about Covid!
Town in Australia records temperature of 123 degrees in the shade;
good thing it’s Fahrenheit and not Centigrade!
SCOTUS rules against mandatory vaccine or testing for private sector employees--
‘cuz, you know, it’s a matter of personal liberties!
From NY Times: “F.D.A. to stop regulating French dressing.”
Oh no! Now that piece of news is truly distressing!
A Slow News Day
From CNN: “Dawn changes its dish soap bottle with a wacky new lid.”
This cheers me greatly, now I’ll forget about Covid!
Town in Australia records temperature of 123 degrees in the shade;
good thing it’s Fahrenheit and not Centigrade!
SCOTUS rules against mandatory vaccine or testing for private sector employees--
‘cuz, you know, it’s a matter of personal liberties!
From NY Times: “F.D.A. to stop regulating French dressing.”
Oh no! Now that piece of news is truly distressing!
January 12, 2022
To-Do List
1.) research whether use of hyphen between “to” and “do” is correct;
2.) search for To-Do List I made out yesterday but misplaced;
3.) make note to self to never misplace a To-Do List again;
4.) try to not misplace reminder referenced in point #3;
5.) if yesterday’s To-Do List fails to surface, start new To-Do List;
6.) review point #3 above;
7.) hope for the best.
[Dedicated to my friend Chuck . . . and myself.]
To-Do List
1.) research whether use of hyphen between “to” and “do” is correct;
2.) search for To-Do List I made out yesterday but misplaced;
3.) make note to self to never misplace a To-Do List again;
4.) try to not misplace reminder referenced in point #3;
5.) if yesterday’s To-Do List fails to surface, start new To-Do List;
6.) review point #3 above;
7.) hope for the best.
[Dedicated to my friend Chuck . . . and myself.]
January 11, 2022
Walmart
A truly immense corporation, Walmart
is so respectful of Jesus’s sacred heart,
they won’t sell ya no liquor, wine or beer. *
But if it’s firearms you desire, don’t fear!
Go on, Bubba, fill up that shopping cart!
* Theological Note: Some Christian Fundamentalists have long insisted that references to wine in the New Testament actually signify unfermented grape juice. I don’t think the Welch’s brand dates back quite that far.
Walmart
A truly immense corporation, Walmart
is so respectful of Jesus’s sacred heart,
they won’t sell ya no liquor, wine or beer. *
But if it’s firearms you desire, don’t fear!
Go on, Bubba, fill up that shopping cart!
* Theological Note: Some Christian Fundamentalists have long insisted that references to wine in the New Testament actually signify unfermented grape juice. I don’t think the Welch’s brand dates back quite that far.
January 10, 2022
Monday After the NFL Season
Head coaches’ heads rolling by the dozen—okay, slight exaggeration.
Must be an explanation. What’s the rhyme, what’s the reason?
Oh, it’s easy, though it makes their brethren coaches queasy . . .
Every team owner demands a winning season!
(NOTE: I wrote this in my head while stuck in a traffic delay, listening to a sports roundup on the car radio. Blame it on my hyperactive Muse!)
Monday After the NFL Season
Head coaches’ heads rolling by the dozen—okay, slight exaggeration.
Must be an explanation. What’s the rhyme, what’s the reason?
Oh, it’s easy, though it makes their brethren coaches queasy . . .
Every team owner demands a winning season!
(NOTE: I wrote this in my head while stuck in a traffic delay, listening to a sports roundup on the car radio. Blame it on my hyperactive Muse!)
January 9, 2022
Cross Bronx Expressway
It’s just a few miles of Interstate 95,
but an expressway? What a load of jive!
Folks stuck out there, have pity on them.
Traffic’s actually flowing? It’s a major news item!
Email me if at your destination you actually arrive.
Expressway? What an incredible misnomer!
In equal travel time, you could get to Oklahomer! *
Oh, I’ve been there, sometimes thanks to wrong turn,
joining thousands of others, doing a slow burn.
Your trip will be an epic odyssey, worthy of Homer.
* Here the reader must forgive me. I’m just an amateur poet, you know.
Cross Bronx Expressway
It’s just a few miles of Interstate 95,
but an expressway? What a load of jive!
Folks stuck out there, have pity on them.
Traffic’s actually flowing? It’s a major news item!
Email me if at your destination you actually arrive.
Expressway? What an incredible misnomer!
In equal travel time, you could get to Oklahomer! *
Oh, I’ve been there, sometimes thanks to wrong turn,
joining thousands of others, doing a slow burn.
Your trip will be an epic odyssey, worthy of Homer.
* Here the reader must forgive me. I’m just an amateur poet, you know.
January 8, 2022
A conspiracy of inanimate objects
A conspiracy of inanimate objects
has been operating against me
for quite some time.
Should I ever get to the bottom
of this nefarious plot,
someone’s gonna have hell to pay!
On the simplest of levels,
there’s the lid on the jar of salsa
that can’t be budged without
force of several horsepower;
the dregs of the toothpaste
so recalcitrant to depart the tube;
the “back saving” snow shovel that doesn’t
(“save” my back, that is);
the bolt on the road that finds
my car’s tire with great accuracy;
the car battery that gave up
the ghost with no warning;
the airbag flaw that required recall.
But towering above all, like Everest,
loom the computer software programs
that never work like we’re led to believe
(and are never, ever “intuitively easy
to use”—to the gallows with those
making such claims!). Once upon
a time, our species could live
without these annoyances . . .
oh, sorry, I mean “improvements.”
True, I wrote this on a computer--
and now let me post it, before a glitch arises.
A conspiracy of inanimate objects
A conspiracy of inanimate objects
has been operating against me
for quite some time.
Should I ever get to the bottom
of this nefarious plot,
someone’s gonna have hell to pay!
On the simplest of levels,
there’s the lid on the jar of salsa
that can’t be budged without
force of several horsepower;
the dregs of the toothpaste
so recalcitrant to depart the tube;
the “back saving” snow shovel that doesn’t
(“save” my back, that is);
the bolt on the road that finds
my car’s tire with great accuracy;
the car battery that gave up
the ghost with no warning;
the airbag flaw that required recall.
But towering above all, like Everest,
loom the computer software programs
that never work like we’re led to believe
(and are never, ever “intuitively easy
to use”—to the gallows with those
making such claims!). Once upon
a time, our species could live
without these annoyances . . .
oh, sorry, I mean “improvements.”
True, I wrote this on a computer--
and now let me post it, before a glitch arises.
January 7, 2022
Four Haiku for First Friday of the Year
First real snow of the season
lovely little flakes
from the heavens descending
time to shovel . . . ugh!
Three for Sir Sidney Poitier
1.)
young doctor Sidney
up against mad dog racist
Widmark . . . No Way Out
2.)
Call him Mister Tibbs!
Quincy Jones’s music demands
in Heat of the Night
3.)
Tracy and Hepburn
guessing who’s coming to dine
beautiful black man!
Four Haiku for First Friday of the Year
First real snow of the season
lovely little flakes
from the heavens descending
time to shovel . . . ugh!
Three for Sir Sidney Poitier
1.)
young doctor Sidney
up against mad dog racist
Widmark . . . No Way Out
2.)
Call him Mister Tibbs!
Quincy Jones’s music demands
in Heat of the Night
3.)
Tracy and Hepburn
guessing who’s coming to dine
beautiful black man!
January 6, 2022
The Arc of the Universe
“The arc of the Universe,” we’re sometimes told,
“bends toward justice”—a claim rather bold.
Yes, it’s a lovely bit of sentimentality,
but quite far divorced from reality.
If the Universe has an arc that bends at all,
it’s toward entropy, and this we cannot stall.
Justice, injustice, these concepts are surely
in the minds of human beings purely.
The Universe will go on humming for eons,
blissfully unaware of the travails of us peons.
The galaxies engage in their cosmic dance,
comets across our night sky still prance.
What transpires down here is not their concern.
But if in you a desire for justice does burn,
be prepared to fight for it, you’ll not get it by vote.
The Ship of State defends the status quo . . .
Let’s rock that boat!
The Arc of the Universe
“The arc of the Universe,” we’re sometimes told,
“bends toward justice”—a claim rather bold.
Yes, it’s a lovely bit of sentimentality,
but quite far divorced from reality.
If the Universe has an arc that bends at all,
it’s toward entropy, and this we cannot stall.
Justice, injustice, these concepts are surely
in the minds of human beings purely.
The Universe will go on humming for eons,
blissfully unaware of the travails of us peons.
The galaxies engage in their cosmic dance,
comets across our night sky still prance.
What transpires down here is not their concern.
But if in you a desire for justice does burn,
be prepared to fight for it, you’ll not get it by vote.
The Ship of State defends the status quo . . .
Let’s rock that boat!
January 5, 2022
Axolotl Millionaire
Louie brought home some very pricey spirits in a fancy bottle.
When he decanted this precious fluid for some high-falutin’ guests,
they all gasped in horror—suspended in it they saw a nicely-pickled axolotl!
Louie’s attorney cackled and rubbed his hands in glee. “You know what this suggests?”
“No,” answered his client. But noting the twinkle in the legal eagle’s eye, he said “Please enlighten me.”
“A handsome seven-figure settlement, I’d bet!” Grinning, Louie dashed off to put a deposit on a vintage XKE.
Axolotl Millionaire
Louie brought home some very pricey spirits in a fancy bottle.
When he decanted this precious fluid for some high-falutin’ guests,
they all gasped in horror—suspended in it they saw a nicely-pickled axolotl!
Louie’s attorney cackled and rubbed his hands in glee. “You know what this suggests?”
“No,” answered his client. But noting the twinkle in the legal eagle’s eye, he said “Please enlighten me.”
“A handsome seven-figure settlement, I’d bet!” Grinning, Louie dashed off to put a deposit on a vintage XKE.
January 4, 2022
Artificial Intelligence
(Don’t Make Me Laugh!)
Homo sapiens (“Man who knows”),
that’s our scientific designation.
“What a piece of work is he” declared
that English chap. Forgive him—little could he know
the depth of Man’s future degradation.
Yes, he of the convoluted cerebral cortex
(but matched or exceeded by an average dolphin),
hovering near the perimeter of extinction’s vortex.
Thinks he can keep lording it over all Creation,
still using the planet as a toxic waste dump.
“Oh, relax!” proclaim apologists for industry.
“Technology will save us, don’t you see?”
Don’t believe it, don’t be a chump!
We’ve crossed the Rubicon, ain’t no turning back.
Our leaders have blown it, don’t cut ’em no slack.
Daily they’re trumpeted—tech’s marvelous new toys:
Artificial Intelligence is now all the rage.
Sure to save the world, usher in a New Age.
But all along it’s common sense human
intelligence that’s been needed.
“Inconvenient truths,” though, tend not to be heeded.
Get in the way of profits? That can’t be tolerated!
And anyway, “green” technologies are just overrated!
That’s the “conventional wisdom,” but be on guard:
that’s what we desperately need to discard!
Artificial Intelligence
(Don’t Make Me Laugh!)
Homo sapiens (“Man who knows”),
that’s our scientific designation.
“What a piece of work is he” declared
that English chap. Forgive him—little could he know
the depth of Man’s future degradation.
Yes, he of the convoluted cerebral cortex
(but matched or exceeded by an average dolphin),
hovering near the perimeter of extinction’s vortex.
Thinks he can keep lording it over all Creation,
still using the planet as a toxic waste dump.
“Oh, relax!” proclaim apologists for industry.
“Technology will save us, don’t you see?”
Don’t believe it, don’t be a chump!
We’ve crossed the Rubicon, ain’t no turning back.
Our leaders have blown it, don’t cut ’em no slack.
Daily they’re trumpeted—tech’s marvelous new toys:
Artificial Intelligence is now all the rage.
Sure to save the world, usher in a New Age.
But all along it’s common sense human
intelligence that’s been needed.
“Inconvenient truths,” though, tend not to be heeded.
Get in the way of profits? That can’t be tolerated!
And anyway, “green” technologies are just overrated!
That’s the “conventional wisdom,” but be on guard:
that’s what we desperately need to discard!
January 3, 2022
Something about Poetry
Your Fearless Poet hereby confesses
that he has never made a formal study
of this art, if art it do be.
Iambic pentameter? Yeah, I’ve heard of it.
In days of yore, I scribbled free-form
when some event moved or outraged me sufficiently.
(I know that a rhyme scheme isn’t mandatory,
but somehow it keeps forcing itself on me.)
I know the simple stuff, like the limerick,
and dear old haiku. But the latter
originally were—yes, the word’s plural as well as singular--
passing reflections on Nature’s glory.
The syllable count here is what matters:
Five in the first and third lines, seven in middle.
And that’s about the extent of my knowledge;
I lack a degree in Literature from any damn college.
And there I go again, hung up on rhyme!
But I’m having a hell of a good time
living up to my self-challenge to churn
this stuff out daily.
And if, at times, you say I’ve descended to mere doggerel,
I can only respond by getting down on all fours,
going “Woof!” and wagging my tail gaily.
Something about Poetry
Your Fearless Poet hereby confesses
that he has never made a formal study
of this art, if art it do be.
Iambic pentameter? Yeah, I’ve heard of it.
In days of yore, I scribbled free-form
when some event moved or outraged me sufficiently.
(I know that a rhyme scheme isn’t mandatory,
but somehow it keeps forcing itself on me.)
I know the simple stuff, like the limerick,
and dear old haiku. But the latter
originally were—yes, the word’s plural as well as singular--
passing reflections on Nature’s glory.
The syllable count here is what matters:
Five in the first and third lines, seven in middle.
And that’s about the extent of my knowledge;
I lack a degree in Literature from any damn college.
And there I go again, hung up on rhyme!
But I’m having a hell of a good time
living up to my self-challenge to churn
this stuff out daily.
And if, at times, you say I’ve descended to mere doggerel,
I can only respond by getting down on all fours,
going “Woof!” and wagging my tail gaily.
January 2, 2022
If there is a “Planet B” . . .
If, out there somewhere, does reside a “Planet B”
habitable by humans, of pollution still free,
you can bet it will be found by B, M & Z:
Bezos, Musk, Zuckerberg—The Unholy Three! *
This diligent search for a substitute Earth
is devouring a lot of their personal worth.
They see the writing on the wall, things turning to shit;
Humankind’s days here are numbered, we really blew it.
What’ll be the price of a ticket to the New Paradise?
To these uber-rich dudes you better make nice!
Get your ass to the Yukon, start panning for gold;
maybe those stolen masterpieces are ripe to be sold?
Strictly hush-hush, of course, IRS ain’t going away,
they’ll be on the job ’til their last dying day.
Of course, had Congress been more diligent,
less inclined toward the rich terribly indulgent,
they wouldn’t be plotting their escape from gravity.
They’d remain Earthbound with chumps you and me.
But their accountants know all loopholes in the code,
so B, M & Z are able to prep for extraterrestrial mode.
Well, for their sake let’s hope they can all get along,
else a contest may arise, each striving to be most strong.
Their armies of clones may well decimate that planet;
only the winner will get the right to stick his name on it.
So, will it be Planet Bezos, Planet Musk or Planet Z??
This will only be recounted in distant future’s history!
* The Unholy Three is a 1925 movie starring Lon Chaney, remade as a talkie in 1930.
If there is a “Planet B” . . .
If, out there somewhere, does reside a “Planet B”
habitable by humans, of pollution still free,
you can bet it will be found by B, M & Z:
Bezos, Musk, Zuckerberg—The Unholy Three! *
This diligent search for a substitute Earth
is devouring a lot of their personal worth.
They see the writing on the wall, things turning to shit;
Humankind’s days here are numbered, we really blew it.
What’ll be the price of a ticket to the New Paradise?
To these uber-rich dudes you better make nice!
Get your ass to the Yukon, start panning for gold;
maybe those stolen masterpieces are ripe to be sold?
Strictly hush-hush, of course, IRS ain’t going away,
they’ll be on the job ’til their last dying day.
Of course, had Congress been more diligent,
less inclined toward the rich terribly indulgent,
they wouldn’t be plotting their escape from gravity.
They’d remain Earthbound with chumps you and me.
But their accountants know all loopholes in the code,
so B, M & Z are able to prep for extraterrestrial mode.
Well, for their sake let’s hope they can all get along,
else a contest may arise, each striving to be most strong.
Their armies of clones may well decimate that planet;
only the winner will get the right to stick his name on it.
So, will it be Planet Bezos, Planet Musk or Planet Z??
This will only be recounted in distant future’s history!
* The Unholy Three is a 1925 movie starring Lon Chaney, remade as a talkie in 1930.
January 1, 2022
SIX STUNNING PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR!!
(Who needs The National Enquirer?)
(Who needs The National Enquirer?)
1.) Republicans discover common sense, return to real world,
their “Stolen Election” banner no longer unfurled!
2.) The Gun Lobby finds a conscience, reconsiders its stands,
admits guns really do kill people when in the wrong hands!!
3.) Barack, Hillary and The Donald, hands joined all three
serenade us with “Kumbaya” in three-part harmony!!!
4.) The new (old) religion is Transcendental Meditation,
bringing Big Pharma to ruin here in Medication Nation!!!!
5.) The U.S. War Machine turns on a dime:
“We’re refunding your taxes, it’s finally Peacetime.”!!!!!
6.) Jehovah Himself descends from Heaven and a miracle works:
He reverses global warming, scolds humans “Don’t screw it up again, you jerks.”!!!!!!
Have I lost my freakin’ mind, what’s come over me??
Nothing much. This poem is an exercise in sheer fantasy.
[And eat your heart out, Nostradamus!!]
December 31, 2021
TEN (count ’em!) LIMERICKS FOR THE YEAR DEPARTING
(and don’t we just hate to see it go?)
(and don’t we just hate to see it go?)
1.)
Big angry baby bawls “Stolen election!”
His mob makes a near-insurrection.
Proud Boy Nazis, a “shaman” in animal skin;
Sympathetic cops wave them on in.
They should all be in padded cells, for public’s protection.
2.)
Neither Hellfire missiles nor well-placed bribes
could quell those wild Afghan tribes.
Another U.S. military fiasco, quite the splendid debacle!
Human “collateral damage,” blown to bits, a real spectacle.
Pentagon’s reward: another $800 billion—good vibes!!
3.)
Critical Race Theory has rightwingers pooping in their breeches!
They want to burn books . . . soon after, it will be witches!
Subjects like gender nonconformity, boo-hoo!
Can’t have that discussed in school, strictly taboo!
All in name of Jesus, they’ll always declare, the sons of bitches!
4.)
Those with vested interests in the status quo
let the climate calamity grow and grow.
“There’s no ‘Planet B,’ this was our Eden”
noted a wise teenage girl from Sweden.
Attention humans: What you reap thou didst sow.
[Dedicated to Greta Thunberg]
5.)
World’s coming apart at a quickening pace,
inconvenient truth for self-appointed Master Race.
“We’re the Exceptional Nation, oh say can you see”
proclaim the ultimate exemplars of hypocrisy.
Future historians—if there is a future—must note this disgrace.
6.)
The obscenely rich keep pursuing more bling.
“He who dies with the most toys is king!”
Ninety-nine percent of us labor for their benefit;
for our well-being, they really don’t give a shit!
It’s from our sweat and toil their fortunes they wring.
[Dedicated to Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels]
7.)
“Go on,” said King Covid, “hold your great debate
over ‘Where did this nasty bug originate?’
We’ll just keep going our merry mutating way--
hey, we’re viruses, that’s how we play!
Oh, and you vaccine refusers: It’s you we most appreciate!”
8.)
“The New Jim Crow” reared its very ugly head,
new legal games to suppress votes that aren’t “Red.”
(And can we please ditch this “Red” or “Blue State” crap?
Raving wingnuts aren’t confined to any one zone on the map.)
Who cares that struggle for the right to vote left so many dead?
9.)
And further to the above, GOP feels SCOTUS has their backs,
as they push ever more aggressively their revolting attacks
on concepts that make them squirm, like basic human rights:
End to discrimination, right to abortion, to not be in cops’ rifle sights.
But “conservatives” hold court majority, all political hacks!
[And now I must violate Limerick Form, I’m feeling kinda rash!
Extra lines needed to say “If up to me, I’d leave them all out with the morning trash!”]
10.)
Boosted, masked, Father Time and New Year’s Baby ready to perform
in Times Square, and ain’t we shocked? It’s unseasonably warm.
All the world’s a stage, Betty White’s taken her final bow.
She was close to 100. Millions of fans moan “What now?”
Oh, Year of ’22, we implore you: Don’t to your predecessor conform!
Big angry baby bawls “Stolen election!”
His mob makes a near-insurrection.
Proud Boy Nazis, a “shaman” in animal skin;
Sympathetic cops wave them on in.
They should all be in padded cells, for public’s protection.
2.)
Neither Hellfire missiles nor well-placed bribes
could quell those wild Afghan tribes.
Another U.S. military fiasco, quite the splendid debacle!
Human “collateral damage,” blown to bits, a real spectacle.
Pentagon’s reward: another $800 billion—good vibes!!
3.)
Critical Race Theory has rightwingers pooping in their breeches!
They want to burn books . . . soon after, it will be witches!
Subjects like gender nonconformity, boo-hoo!
Can’t have that discussed in school, strictly taboo!
All in name of Jesus, they’ll always declare, the sons of bitches!
4.)
Those with vested interests in the status quo
let the climate calamity grow and grow.
“There’s no ‘Planet B,’ this was our Eden”
noted a wise teenage girl from Sweden.
Attention humans: What you reap thou didst sow.
[Dedicated to Greta Thunberg]
5.)
World’s coming apart at a quickening pace,
inconvenient truth for self-appointed Master Race.
“We’re the Exceptional Nation, oh say can you see”
proclaim the ultimate exemplars of hypocrisy.
Future historians—if there is a future—must note this disgrace.
6.)
The obscenely rich keep pursuing more bling.
“He who dies with the most toys is king!”
Ninety-nine percent of us labor for their benefit;
for our well-being, they really don’t give a shit!
It’s from our sweat and toil their fortunes they wring.
[Dedicated to Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels]
7.)
“Go on,” said King Covid, “hold your great debate
over ‘Where did this nasty bug originate?’
We’ll just keep going our merry mutating way--
hey, we’re viruses, that’s how we play!
Oh, and you vaccine refusers: It’s you we most appreciate!”
8.)
“The New Jim Crow” reared its very ugly head,
new legal games to suppress votes that aren’t “Red.”
(And can we please ditch this “Red” or “Blue State” crap?
Raving wingnuts aren’t confined to any one zone on the map.)
Who cares that struggle for the right to vote left so many dead?
9.)
And further to the above, GOP feels SCOTUS has their backs,
as they push ever more aggressively their revolting attacks
on concepts that make them squirm, like basic human rights:
End to discrimination, right to abortion, to not be in cops’ rifle sights.
But “conservatives” hold court majority, all political hacks!
[And now I must violate Limerick Form, I’m feeling kinda rash!
Extra lines needed to say “If up to me, I’d leave them all out with the morning trash!”]
10.)
Boosted, masked, Father Time and New Year’s Baby ready to perform
in Times Square, and ain’t we shocked? It’s unseasonably warm.
All the world’s a stage, Betty White’s taken her final bow.
She was close to 100. Millions of fans moan “What now?”
Oh, Year of ’22, we implore you: Don’t to your predecessor conform!
December 30, 2021
Resolution Absolution
New Year’s Resolutions! Time to make ’em!
And very soon it’ll be time to break them!
Less expensive than breaking a piece of fine crystal!
This silly, annoying annual ritual!
So go on, toss ’em all in the trash!
I grant you absolution, enjoy your New Year’s bash!
Resolution Absolution
New Year’s Resolutions! Time to make ’em!
And very soon it’ll be time to break them!
Less expensive than breaking a piece of fine crystal!
This silly, annoying annual ritual!
So go on, toss ’em all in the trash!
I grant you absolution, enjoy your New Year’s bash!
December 29, 2021
When Was the Beginning of the End?
It was 1956, when the genius of man
invented an electric device to open a can.
One labor-saving device led to another
and behold now the state of the Earth, our mother.
For my first novel I’ve hatched a plan
to attribute this observation to Abbie Hoffman
or maybe Phil Ochs—could’ve been made by either of those folks.
But in point of fact the insight’s my own:
I’m always attuned to the seeds of destruction Mankind has sown.
When Was the Beginning of the End?
It was 1956, when the genius of man
invented an electric device to open a can.
One labor-saving device led to another
and behold now the state of the Earth, our mother.
For my first novel I’ve hatched a plan
to attribute this observation to Abbie Hoffman
or maybe Phil Ochs—could’ve been made by either of those folks.
But in point of fact the insight’s my own:
I’m always attuned to the seeds of destruction Mankind has sown.
December 28, 2021
Out with Geocentrism!!
Average Joe and Jane are blissfully unaware
that as our world spins dutifully on its axis,
the sun never “sets” nor “rises”—little do they care!
But the horizon does, that’s what the scientific fact is.
The misperception arose way back in the time
when, observing empirically Nature’s daily procession
of objects above, ancient people sought reason or rhyme
to explain things in the sky: divine intercession!
These natural appearances led folks to conclude
that sun, constellations, etc. revolve ’round our terrestrial ball.
“Sun rises in east, sets in west” the scheme they construed.
This long-lived view is called Geocentrism. It must fall!
Noble scientists were faced with inquisition
for daring to challenge such erroneous notions.
Superstition makes fraught with danger Truth’s acquisition,
including the mechanics of celestial motions.
So next time, driving west late in day, with shades on,
curse not the sun for still blinding your view.
The fault lies entirely with our own horizon.
Earth keeps turning on her axis, nothin’ you can do!
(But do raise a toast to ol’ Copernicus and Galileo!
Their wisdom and the courage to pass it on
forced me to add these additional lines, oh,
with hours to go before rises the western horizon.)
Out with Geocentrism!!
Average Joe and Jane are blissfully unaware
that as our world spins dutifully on its axis,
the sun never “sets” nor “rises”—little do they care!
But the horizon does, that’s what the scientific fact is.
The misperception arose way back in the time
when, observing empirically Nature’s daily procession
of objects above, ancient people sought reason or rhyme
to explain things in the sky: divine intercession!
These natural appearances led folks to conclude
that sun, constellations, etc. revolve ’round our terrestrial ball.
“Sun rises in east, sets in west” the scheme they construed.
This long-lived view is called Geocentrism. It must fall!
Noble scientists were faced with inquisition
for daring to challenge such erroneous notions.
Superstition makes fraught with danger Truth’s acquisition,
including the mechanics of celestial motions.
So next time, driving west late in day, with shades on,
curse not the sun for still blinding your view.
The fault lies entirely with our own horizon.
Earth keeps turning on her axis, nothin’ you can do!
(But do raise a toast to ol’ Copernicus and Galileo!
Their wisdom and the courage to pass it on
forced me to add these additional lines, oh,
with hours to go before rises the western horizon.)
December 27, 2021
All hail the Internet!
Mark Twain observed that
“A lie can travel halfway
around the world
before truth can get out of bed.”
Now the most preposterous and vile
lies can travel at nearly the speed of light.
Don’t you just love “progress”?
Anatomy & Physiology
(an observation in passing)
If you wear your heart on your sleeve constantly
For all the uncaring world to see
Your circulation is gonna be messed-up significantly
But this little truth does not deter me.
All hail the Internet!
Mark Twain observed that
“A lie can travel halfway
around the world
before truth can get out of bed.”
Now the most preposterous and vile
lies can travel at nearly the speed of light.
Don’t you just love “progress”?
Anatomy & Physiology
(an observation in passing)
If you wear your heart on your sleeve constantly
For all the uncaring world to see
Your circulation is gonna be messed-up significantly
But this little truth does not deter me.
December 26, 2021
It’s Boxing Day, hooray!
The greatest boxing match what ever transpired
unfolds strictly in me head, imagination-inspired:
strong and mean as an old bull bison,
in one corner we find ‘Iron Mike’ Tyson.
In t’other, you’ve likely already guessed:
Muhammad Ali, by his presence are we blessed.
If this event is to be truly sublime,
we must picture each in his prime.
“Ali,” declares Tyson, “you’re gonna gasp and gulp,
‘cuz my devastating power’ll reduce ya to pulp!”
“Oh, I’ve heard that so many times” yawns Ali.
“Many a chump made that promise, tee-hee!
I said before this fight I’ll end it in seven;
I hope a bed is waitin’ for you in Heaven.”
“Sure,” says Mike, “keep shuckin’ and jivin’!
I ain’t like the others, you be lucky if you survivin’!
I’ll bring you to your knobby knees,
you soon be beggin’ ‘Ha’ mercy, please!’”
Ali says “Bring it on, suckah, you’ll quickly find
how easily I can mess with your mind!”
Tyson comes charging in, as was his habit;
Ali shuffles and dances, quick like a rabbit.
“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!”
from Muhammad’s corner shouts Drew Bundini.
“Stop those tired old cliches!” demands Mr. Mike,
“Like a deadly rattler I’m ready to strike!”
By round 4, Tyson’s nearly punched himself out,
though he’s built so compactly, so stout.
See, there’s something called lactic acid,
fatigue byproduct that’ll make muscles go flaccid!
Comes the round where Ali called for the end,
and poor ‘Iron Mike’—his body’s no longer a friend.
Bam! Flash! Muhammad’s glove moves like lightning!
Once again, Ali’s skills are downright frightening.
The ref counts “One…two…three…four…five…”
Tyson stays limp on the canvas. Is he even alive?!
“six…seven…eight…nine…ten!” It’s all over!
Once again, The Greatest is covered in clover.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this little make-believe play;
now dash away, dash away ’til the next Boxing Day.
It’s Boxing Day, hooray!
The greatest boxing match what ever transpired
unfolds strictly in me head, imagination-inspired:
strong and mean as an old bull bison,
in one corner we find ‘Iron Mike’ Tyson.
In t’other, you’ve likely already guessed:
Muhammad Ali, by his presence are we blessed.
If this event is to be truly sublime,
we must picture each in his prime.
“Ali,” declares Tyson, “you’re gonna gasp and gulp,
‘cuz my devastating power’ll reduce ya to pulp!”
“Oh, I’ve heard that so many times” yawns Ali.
“Many a chump made that promise, tee-hee!
I said before this fight I’ll end it in seven;
I hope a bed is waitin’ for you in Heaven.”
“Sure,” says Mike, “keep shuckin’ and jivin’!
I ain’t like the others, you be lucky if you survivin’!
I’ll bring you to your knobby knees,
you soon be beggin’ ‘Ha’ mercy, please!’”
Ali says “Bring it on, suckah, you’ll quickly find
how easily I can mess with your mind!”
Tyson comes charging in, as was his habit;
Ali shuffles and dances, quick like a rabbit.
“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!”
from Muhammad’s corner shouts Drew Bundini.
“Stop those tired old cliches!” demands Mr. Mike,
“Like a deadly rattler I’m ready to strike!”
By round 4, Tyson’s nearly punched himself out,
though he’s built so compactly, so stout.
See, there’s something called lactic acid,
fatigue byproduct that’ll make muscles go flaccid!
Comes the round where Ali called for the end,
and poor ‘Iron Mike’—his body’s no longer a friend.
Bam! Flash! Muhammad’s glove moves like lightning!
Once again, Ali’s skills are downright frightening.
The ref counts “One…two…three…four…five…”
Tyson stays limp on the canvas. Is he even alive?!
“six…seven…eight…nine…ten!” It’s all over!
Once again, The Greatest is covered in clover.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this little make-believe play;
now dash away, dash away ’til the next Boxing Day.
December 25, 2021
My Greatest Christmas Pleasure
My greatest Christmas pleasure derives
from digging into my massive movie archives
and plucking out Monty Python’s ‘Life of Brian.’
And having plucked it (no sense in denyin’),
I watch it straight through, my annual tradition
though the humorless may cry all day “Sedition!”
A movie attacked by devout Christians as well as Jews--
how can a non-believing viewer possibly lose?
’Tis the story of one Brian Cohen, whose mum had invited to her bed
a member of the Roman legion occupying Nazareth. With dread
did Brian learn he was a bastard half-Roman—painful truth!--
long after he’d departed his innocent youth.
Brian so hated the occupiers he joined the Jewish resistance,
simultaneously dealing with the slight nuisance
of being taken, himself, for a messiah by zealots asinine,
desperately seeking deliverance from oppression in Palestine.
The Judean People’s Front! The People’s Front of Judea! “Which group are we in?”
The respective members of the rebel cells wallow in confusion.
From this point, the movie turns to skewering leftist politics.
This offends me not, for I lack the narrow mind of religious critics.
All the Pythons—Terry, Eric, Graham, John, Michael and Terry--
play multiple roles in this quasi-epic saga so grim yet merry,
but towering over them all is John Cleese, it’s my contention,
as Reg, leader of the rebels, plus the Roman Centurion.
Brian’s commitment by the rebels is tested, with some malice:
he’s to paint “ROMANS GO HOME” on the walls of Pilate’s palace!
His poor knowledge of Latin puts our boy in a bind
until the Centurion, in a gesture peculiarly kind,
corrects our hero’s grammar and spelling on the spot,
ordering “Now paint the slogan 100 times!” without further thought.
Brian labors mightily through the night, painting away,
but with the light of day is arrested and carted away.
This poem is becoming rather epic, in praise of the worth
of this “controversial” movie that in 1979 burst forth.
I must wrestle it to its conclusion, though we haven’t even gotten
to Pontius Pilate’s speech impediment and Brian’s fate so “wotten.”
But it’s incumbent to remind you that, on TV long ago,
Mr. Cleese felt compelled to explain to religious critics
that their complaints were in vain.
For a depiction of Jesus appears but once on screen,
dignified, delivering the Sermon on the Mount.
Critics perhaps should actually watch a movie
rather than launch a very distorted account.
But that’s probably asking a bit too much,
when Religion’s a button labeled “Don’t dare touch!”
“Persecute and kill the heretics!” a zealot in this movie cries.
It’s funny until you let it sink in, as another victim today dies,
for this is where the real danger of fanaticism lies.
My Greatest Christmas Pleasure
My greatest Christmas pleasure derives
from digging into my massive movie archives
and plucking out Monty Python’s ‘Life of Brian.’
And having plucked it (no sense in denyin’),
I watch it straight through, my annual tradition
though the humorless may cry all day “Sedition!”
A movie attacked by devout Christians as well as Jews--
how can a non-believing viewer possibly lose?
’Tis the story of one Brian Cohen, whose mum had invited to her bed
a member of the Roman legion occupying Nazareth. With dread
did Brian learn he was a bastard half-Roman—painful truth!--
long after he’d departed his innocent youth.
Brian so hated the occupiers he joined the Jewish resistance,
simultaneously dealing with the slight nuisance
of being taken, himself, for a messiah by zealots asinine,
desperately seeking deliverance from oppression in Palestine.
The Judean People’s Front! The People’s Front of Judea! “Which group are we in?”
The respective members of the rebel cells wallow in confusion.
From this point, the movie turns to skewering leftist politics.
This offends me not, for I lack the narrow mind of religious critics.
All the Pythons—Terry, Eric, Graham, John, Michael and Terry--
play multiple roles in this quasi-epic saga so grim yet merry,
but towering over them all is John Cleese, it’s my contention,
as Reg, leader of the rebels, plus the Roman Centurion.
Brian’s commitment by the rebels is tested, with some malice:
he’s to paint “ROMANS GO HOME” on the walls of Pilate’s palace!
His poor knowledge of Latin puts our boy in a bind
until the Centurion, in a gesture peculiarly kind,
corrects our hero’s grammar and spelling on the spot,
ordering “Now paint the slogan 100 times!” without further thought.
Brian labors mightily through the night, painting away,
but with the light of day is arrested and carted away.
This poem is becoming rather epic, in praise of the worth
of this “controversial” movie that in 1979 burst forth.
I must wrestle it to its conclusion, though we haven’t even gotten
to Pontius Pilate’s speech impediment and Brian’s fate so “wotten.”
But it’s incumbent to remind you that, on TV long ago,
Mr. Cleese felt compelled to explain to religious critics
that their complaints were in vain.
For a depiction of Jesus appears but once on screen,
dignified, delivering the Sermon on the Mount.
Critics perhaps should actually watch a movie
rather than launch a very distorted account.
But that’s probably asking a bit too much,
when Religion’s a button labeled “Don’t dare touch!”
“Persecute and kill the heretics!” a zealot in this movie cries.
It’s funny until you let it sink in, as another victim today dies,
for this is where the real danger of fanaticism lies.
December 24, 2021
The Tale of the Christmas Salamander
(of which every word is true)
Two, maybe three years ago, ’twas Christmas Eve
when, exiting my basement, I beheld a sight I couldn’t believe:
A drab-colored little salamander scurried inside
and quickly under some basement litter did hide!
I’d stood motionless, reacted too slowly to grab it.
(Great reflexes for me were never really a habit.)
To essay a rescue was my moral obligation
else in the basement trapped, my guest faced starvation.
But the very next day, covered with dust and other debris
from hiding she emerged, looking no worse for wear to me.
I picked up my uninvited guest and hustled her outside;
shock no longer a factor, I took this task in stride.
The soil was yet unfrozen, no snow atall around;
so I deposited the critter there on the ground.
I commanded “Start digging! Here’s your proper destination.
You’ve got just enough time to launch hibernation!”
The Tale of the Christmas Salamander
(of which every word is true)
Two, maybe three years ago, ’twas Christmas Eve
when, exiting my basement, I beheld a sight I couldn’t believe:
A drab-colored little salamander scurried inside
and quickly under some basement litter did hide!
I’d stood motionless, reacted too slowly to grab it.
(Great reflexes for me were never really a habit.)
To essay a rescue was my moral obligation
else in the basement trapped, my guest faced starvation.
But the very next day, covered with dust and other debris
from hiding she emerged, looking no worse for wear to me.
I picked up my uninvited guest and hustled her outside;
shock no longer a factor, I took this task in stride.
The soil was yet unfrozen, no snow atall around;
so I deposited the critter there on the ground.
I commanded “Start digging! Here’s your proper destination.
You’ve got just enough time to launch hibernation!”
December 23, 2021
All I want for Christmas 1
All I want for Christmas is Carrie-Anne Moss!
Has a gal in shiny black leather ever looked so boss?!
Folks say “Oh, she looks downright androgynous.”
My retort to this: “That’s just preposterous!”
The Matrix franchise is back, replete with Keanu.
That’s a good thing—it puts Carrie-Anne back on view.
All I want for Christmas 2
On a “slightly more serious note,”
can’t we purge today’s world of all HATE?
Ah, but that would take a true Christmas Miracle.
Some deny still that our Earth is spherical.
Galileo with torture was threatened for discussing such matters;
superstition’s grip on Humanity’s mentality seldom shatters.
For “miracles” I’m not willing to wait,
it’s for Science I’ll always cast my vote.
Therefore, fellow human, look inside your own core.
Turn off Fox “News,” and its hate-spewing galore.
HATE is a virus far more deadly than Covid.
Embrace LOVE, like Jesus—so we’re told—did.
Gandhi, Dr. King and others here on earthly plane
proved a virgin birth not needed to become truly humane.
All I want for Christmas 1
All I want for Christmas is Carrie-Anne Moss!
Has a gal in shiny black leather ever looked so boss?!
Folks say “Oh, she looks downright androgynous.”
My retort to this: “That’s just preposterous!”
The Matrix franchise is back, replete with Keanu.
That’s a good thing—it puts Carrie-Anne back on view.
All I want for Christmas 2
On a “slightly more serious note,”
can’t we purge today’s world of all HATE?
Ah, but that would take a true Christmas Miracle.
Some deny still that our Earth is spherical.
Galileo with torture was threatened for discussing such matters;
superstition’s grip on Humanity’s mentality seldom shatters.
For “miracles” I’m not willing to wait,
it’s for Science I’ll always cast my vote.
Therefore, fellow human, look inside your own core.
Turn off Fox “News,” and its hate-spewing galore.
HATE is a virus far more deadly than Covid.
Embrace LOVE, like Jesus—so we’re told—did.
Gandhi, Dr. King and others here on earthly plane
proved a virgin birth not needed to become truly humane.
December 22, 2021
I cannot weep for the woes of this world
I cannot weep for the woes of this world
For once I started, I couldn’t restrain it.
The fluids would flow out of me ’til my
Body was, like in a “Star Trek” episode,
Reduced to a modest pile of dust
To be scattered abroad by the first hearty gust.
Rhiannon’s hands
Over women’s hands and necks I tend to obsess,
my honesty forces me to confess.
And hey-diddle-diddle, whether grasping her fiddle
or merely at rest, the sight of
Rhiannon Giddens’s hands
makes me feel blessed.
In the New Basement Tapes video
she’s a major part of the show.
Sure, okay, it sounds like a fetish
but psychoanalysis stuff I don’t relish.
Please, reader, if you happen to know her,
pass the word I’m her fervent worshipper.
I cannot weep for the woes of this world
I cannot weep for the woes of this world
For once I started, I couldn’t restrain it.
The fluids would flow out of me ’til my
Body was, like in a “Star Trek” episode,
Reduced to a modest pile of dust
To be scattered abroad by the first hearty gust.
Rhiannon’s hands
Over women’s hands and necks I tend to obsess,
my honesty forces me to confess.
And hey-diddle-diddle, whether grasping her fiddle
or merely at rest, the sight of
Rhiannon Giddens’s hands
makes me feel blessed.
In the New Basement Tapes video
she’s a major part of the show.
Sure, okay, it sounds like a fetish
but psychoanalysis stuff I don’t relish.
Please, reader, if you happen to know her,
pass the word I’m her fervent worshipper.
December 21, 2021
My Winter Solstice Grievances
“It’s the shortest day of the year,
sun returns, end of long night and fear.
Hooray, hooray, hooray!”
“Bollocks to all that!” I’m forced to say.
At the latitude where I endeavor to survive
snow and coldest days are still to arrive.
It’s the start of summer in hemisphere to the south
but up here it all leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
What a dilemma!
This week’s just-before Xmas
new DVD releases are dominated
by cheesy low-budget horror flicks!
Which should I choose? Vampire Hookers,
Perils from the Planet Mongo, Screams of
the Mutilated, or Revenge of the Living Dead Girls???
[Note: I did not invent any of these titles!]
My Winter Solstice Grievances
“It’s the shortest day of the year,
sun returns, end of long night and fear.
Hooray, hooray, hooray!”
“Bollocks to all that!” I’m forced to say.
At the latitude where I endeavor to survive
snow and coldest days are still to arrive.
It’s the start of summer in hemisphere to the south
but up here it all leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
What a dilemma!
This week’s just-before Xmas
new DVD releases are dominated
by cheesy low-budget horror flicks!
Which should I choose? Vampire Hookers,
Perils from the Planet Mongo, Screams of
the Mutilated, or Revenge of the Living Dead Girls???
[Note: I did not invent any of these titles!]
December 20, 2021
The dreaded 16th Haiku for A Clockwork Orange (re: the first fifteen)
(see yesterday’s post)
(see yesterday’s post)
16.)
Chagrin to the max!
How did I fail to mention
Moloko Milk Bar?!
[Current Events]
Say it is so, Joe!
Joe Manchin of ol’ Wes’ Virginny,
Oh what a gallant hero is he!
Though the DJIA momentarily does not agree.
Soon he’ll announce he’s joined the Gee-Oh-Pee.
Chagrin to the max!
How did I fail to mention
Moloko Milk Bar?!
[Current Events]
Say it is so, Joe!
Joe Manchin of ol’ Wes’ Virginny,
Oh what a gallant hero is he!
Though the DJIA momentarily does not agree.
Soon he’ll announce he’s joined the Gee-Oh-Pee.
December 19, 2021
A Vast Right-wing Conspiracy
In the ‘70s, living in New York City
Of the cinema I became a great devotee
But en route to a show, very near my destination
Seldom it failed that a chunk of airborne dirt
found my eye, such irritation!
All part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.
A Vast Right-wing Conspiracy
In the ‘70s, living in New York City
Of the cinema I became a great devotee
But en route to a show, very near my destination
Seldom it failed that a chunk of airborne dirt
found my eye, such irritation!
All part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.
15 Haiku on A Clockwork Orange
|
1.)
Nineteenth December fifty years ago debut A Clockwork Orange 3.) Anthony Burgess the novel did pen, the film pretty damn faithful 5.) Pray, what punch would an anti-war flick have if purged of war’s brutal truth? 7.) Is the cry of the public in dystopian not distant future 9.) Against beloved Lovely Ludwig van, oh dear the great Ninth, no less! 11.) The foul deed did do in Her Majesty’s Prison Our boy he must serve 13.) By volunteering for the enlightened new way-- model citizen! |
2.)
“Too much violence!” some critics soon came to shriek “Mr. Kubrick, no!” 4.) To depict evil on film ain’t to endorse it should that not be clear? 6.) ‘Alex’ falls prey to cynical politicians “Law and order!” yes 8.) Ludovico is prescribed treatment for our boy side effect turns him 10.) Nasty revenge by the writer whose wife was killed ‘Alex’ and his droogs! 12.) But he worms his way into Prison Charlie’s graces early release won 14.) Now I needs wind down I’m giving away whole plot but take note of this: |
15.)
If Kubrick did err
it was to allow McDowell
to ooze too much charm.
If Kubrick did err
it was to allow McDowell
to ooze too much charm.
December 18, 2021
No more “little old man” jokes, please
Back at South Grove Elementary School
In Syosset, in Sixth Grade was I,
Locked with another fellow in a tie,
As tallest boys we did rule.
Already threatening the six-foot mark,
For six-foot-four at least I aspired.
But growth sputtered and little more I acquired.
Seventy-two inches I barely topped, disappointment stark.
And now that I’m past seventy years
My life on the whole I must say isn’t bad
But I’ve shrunk at least an inch, and that’s sad
And jokes about “little old men” do insult my ears.
So no more jokes about “little old ladies” or men
Young folks I thee entreat,
Or upon thy head I may be compelled to beat.
Can someone please shout “Amen”?
Where resides my Muse?
Where resides my Muse, and why can’t I see her?
In that twilight zone betwixt asleep and conscious fully
She plants seeds of ideas wild and woolly
With bouquets of roses she I’d smother
By definition, she surely must be a she;
Is she tall, like Thurman, Weaver or Kidman?
Or delightfully petite, like many another woman?
But wait, she needn’t be white…what’s wrong with me?
Primarily that I fall in love too easily,
Though some would call it lust.
I admire a beautiful face above the bust.
That’s just how Nature assembled me.
But now the topic of this poem is wandering.
Oh Muse, come rescue me from this morass
Afore I further myself embarrass.
I swear, I’m really not into philandering.
Come forth, dear Muse, from your hiding place
And lay your cards on the table before me:
Why with constant ideas do you torture me nightly?
Yet must I recognize that without you, I’d lose the pace.
I needs now this fantasy end, you’re not flesh and blood;
I’m not Leos Janacek, blessed with finding a young lover
When he was past seventy, causing his creativity to boil over.
I’ll settle for the reality that you do me less harm than good.
No more “little old man” jokes, please
Back at South Grove Elementary School
In Syosset, in Sixth Grade was I,
Locked with another fellow in a tie,
As tallest boys we did rule.
Already threatening the six-foot mark,
For six-foot-four at least I aspired.
But growth sputtered and little more I acquired.
Seventy-two inches I barely topped, disappointment stark.
And now that I’m past seventy years
My life on the whole I must say isn’t bad
But I’ve shrunk at least an inch, and that’s sad
And jokes about “little old men” do insult my ears.
So no more jokes about “little old ladies” or men
Young folks I thee entreat,
Or upon thy head I may be compelled to beat.
Can someone please shout “Amen”?
Where resides my Muse?
Where resides my Muse, and why can’t I see her?
In that twilight zone betwixt asleep and conscious fully
She plants seeds of ideas wild and woolly
With bouquets of roses she I’d smother
By definition, she surely must be a she;
Is she tall, like Thurman, Weaver or Kidman?
Or delightfully petite, like many another woman?
But wait, she needn’t be white…what’s wrong with me?
Primarily that I fall in love too easily,
Though some would call it lust.
I admire a beautiful face above the bust.
That’s just how Nature assembled me.
But now the topic of this poem is wandering.
Oh Muse, come rescue me from this morass
Afore I further myself embarrass.
I swear, I’m really not into philandering.
Come forth, dear Muse, from your hiding place
And lay your cards on the table before me:
Why with constant ideas do you torture me nightly?
Yet must I recognize that without you, I’d lose the pace.
I needs now this fantasy end, you’re not flesh and blood;
I’m not Leos Janacek, blessed with finding a young lover
When he was past seventy, causing his creativity to boil over.
I’ll settle for the reality that you do me less harm than good.
December 17, 2021
Tragic Limerick of a Dyslexic Peot (sorry, make that “Poet”)
Early success mdae a young peot feel evre so superior,
Till daignosis of dyslexia filpped his mood to inferior.
So he took heavily to dirnk and the bttole will take its toll.
He landed in gaol * though taht surely hadn’t been his goal.
And most tracigally of all, in prison he preished from Porphyria.
*British spelling of “jail.” Is it a sign of bad poetry for the poet to have to diagram his work?
Tragic Limerick of a Dyslexic Peot (sorry, make that “Poet”)
Early success mdae a young peot feel evre so superior,
Till daignosis of dyslexia filpped his mood to inferior.
So he took heavily to dirnk and the bttole will take its toll.
He landed in gaol * though taht surely hadn’t been his goal.
And most tracigally of all, in prison he preished from Porphyria.
*British spelling of “jail.” Is it a sign of bad poetry for the poet to have to diagram his work?
December 16, 2021
Eumillipes Persephone
The New York Times today
Reports the discovery
Of a “true millipede”
Living deep under the ground
In Western Australia.
This is not a fossil;
This astounding creature is our contemporary.
Eyeless, pale, so thin of physique
It took a microscope to enable the count:
One-thousand-three-hundred-six legs!!
A New World Record! (the crowd goes crazy!)
No longer need the first zoologist live in infamy
Who coined the term “millipede”—“a thousand feet”!
Are that many legs really necessary for locomotion?
Perhaps for Emillipes Persephone, yes.
And again is confirmed the wisdom of The Bard,
Who proclaimed “There are more things in Heaven
And Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
On first sipping a 20-year-old Porto
It being that Holiday time of year,
I decided to splurge on some beverages.
This is not a decision of which to boast.
I desperately need to cough up
A few hundred bucks for a new eyeglass prescription.
But what the hell, we only live once.
The verdict? More, please!
This magic Tinta Tawny Port
Lubricated the decision to undertake
A self-directed dare
To essay to write a poem a day
On average.
This is the second of this day,
So I’m ahead of the game!
Eumillipes Persephone
The New York Times today
Reports the discovery
Of a “true millipede”
Living deep under the ground
In Western Australia.
This is not a fossil;
This astounding creature is our contemporary.
Eyeless, pale, so thin of physique
It took a microscope to enable the count:
One-thousand-three-hundred-six legs!!
A New World Record! (the crowd goes crazy!)
No longer need the first zoologist live in infamy
Who coined the term “millipede”—“a thousand feet”!
Are that many legs really necessary for locomotion?
Perhaps for Emillipes Persephone, yes.
And again is confirmed the wisdom of The Bard,
Who proclaimed “There are more things in Heaven
And Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
On first sipping a 20-year-old Porto
It being that Holiday time of year,
I decided to splurge on some beverages.
This is not a decision of which to boast.
I desperately need to cough up
A few hundred bucks for a new eyeglass prescription.
But what the hell, we only live once.
The verdict? More, please!
This magic Tinta Tawny Port
Lubricated the decision to undertake
A self-directed dare
To essay to write a poem a day
On average.
This is the second of this day,
So I’m ahead of the game!
